Youngstown University - Neon Yearbook (Youngstown, OH)

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Beauty and the Beasts or How to Transcend the Male ChauvinismfWomens Lib- eration Ethic for Fun and Profit. They charged, armed with an arsenal of party favors and one bull moose crazy, alias Dr. Weird. The zaniest con- coction of ephemeral unentities since the Light Brigade charged the Miss YSU beauty pageant to prove beauty is never skin deep. Crowding out con- testants mothers and three suspicious looking characters wearing only trench coats, they formed a gallery near the stage and the spectacle began. Spontaneity, laughter, light, and color presided over their theatrical marvel. Jolly Roger's Ya Who Kazoo Band jammed with the stage musicians to a knee slappin' rhythm. Arms caches were broken open and weapons passed under seat. Squirt guns squished a light, refreshing rain to keep the audience cool. Balloons farted incense into the stratosphere, messengers sent out behind enemy lines to bring news ofthe second coming. Noise makers beat out the steadily building rhythm of the mo- ment. Seconds became days as silly str- ing cobwebbed the merrymaking, for- ming a barbed-wire barrier that only the pure of heart could penetrate. Now that home base Hindenberg began soaring high into the heavens, daredevil revelers foraged out to deliver cranial cor- kscrews to the bent out of shape. Dr. Weird passed out Drop Dead currency minted at the now infamous Chauvin Institute for the criminally in- sane. Weird, who often refers to himself in the third person, received his doc- torate degree from CICI. His concen- tration areas being schizophrenia and the marshal arts. The good doctor's recently published, How to Tie Piano Wire Neckties in One Easy Lesson, is a current underground bestseller in Brier Hill, Ohio. Look for it where all fine sporting equipment is sold. CSpeak- ing of great literature, Dr. Alice found herself fidgeting in wonderland and wondering if she would find the key to academia's ivory tower ever again. The John, the administrator who oversaw the pageant, has since resigned. When last seen, he was heard muttering something about a Lear Jet. BY CRACKY, IT'S BERNACKI from Hegel, Cheerleaders of the Revolution. question was purely aeade-mic ad- ministrative, of course.D Suddenly- anda one, anda two, anda three, anda four. BY CRACKY, IT'S BERNACKI' BY CRACKY, IT'S BERNACKI' BY CRACKY, IT'S BERNACKI' BY CRACKY, IT'S BERNACKI' John Bernacki appeared on stage, the pageant was to begin. Stage curtains parted and there appeared ten Qcount'em folksj of YSU's most vivacious. Tantalizingly trussed in wet look mini-raincoats fbecause of the squirt guns'?J, you could see all of the lon their.T-. Choose one of the following. When you hear the tone, put down your pencil and close your test booklet. A. hair-head B. scars-appendix C. muscles-legs D. any combination of columns 1 and 2 E. all of the above F. none of the above G. all of the below H. none of the below I. use your imagination Then it happened, Austintown Fitch High School went loony tunes. fRead paragraph two here, multiplying it by its latter-most power.J The orgasmic jolts that were galvanizing Austintown Fitch that even- ing finally caused a dean to quickly say byd de-de-ya, byd de-de-ya, byd de-de- ya, byd de-de-ya, byd de-de-ya, byd de- de-de-de-de, THAT'S ALL FOLKS! The Dean, backed by a cadre of Austin- town heavies, told everyone to leave. The show was over. He really didn't mean everyone, and he didn't really mean the show was over. Dean only wanted you know who out but didn't want to pick on anyone in particular. He ended up picking on someone in par- ticular. Thor the Thunder God was in no great hurry to leave. This silent strongman peacefully watched the night's proceedings and was being asked to take a walk. Thor, who by nature abhors physical violence of any type and description, sauntered out proud and peaceful. He remains a symbol of physical restraint in YSU folklore. Miss YSU ended, mind became matter, and the lord rested. Miss YSUfl85

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