Yeshiva University - Masmid Yearbook (New York, NY)

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The Colonel was a short man, who stood in the middle of a busy room, casually pistol whipp- ing a student. C ' mon, we have your prints on the plastic bag, and we have a witness from the super- market who saw you buy the bags , The Colonel screamed at the bold student. I didn ' t do it! Someone must have stolen my bags and used them in the water fight! smirked the lying waterbomber. We have ways of dealing with you. would another semester of Interscience you? The student winced. Or Intro to Sociology? The student shuddered. STOP IT! shouted the student, Alright, I admit it, I threw the water bombs! The student broke down sobbing. The Colonel smiled, gleefully rubbing his hands. The detective was truly impressed. How grab The Colonel now turned to the detective. Now, what can I do for you? I ' ve heard that you ' ve been asking plenty of questions. Just what is it that you want? The detective shook his head. Nothing , he stammered, I ' ve seen enough. Yeshiva University is a mystery that is better left unsolved. There are too many questions, and the answers aren ' t worth it . The Colonel nodded. Glad you see it our way . Then to the giant, Show the gentleman out . The detective sighed when he felt the warm afternoon sun on his face. He had only been at Y.U. for two days, and it felt like an eternity. But, , he thought, with all its strangeness, I kind of like the place. You gotta be special to come here . He strolled along Amsterdam Avenue, and saw an old lady sitting by a fence. She beckoned to him, and he approached her. She whispered this in his ear: Everyone who comes here has different rea- sons for doing so. Each must discover within himself the reason why he is here. You have come, guided by a slip of paper with two letters, Y and U. If you truly seek the solution to your riddle you will have to spend many days here. That is all I can tell you . She grabbed his arm as he started to rise. Give to the hospital in Israel, kinderlach , she said, hand extended, as she smiled a toothless smile. THE END

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Wait! Come back! the old man shouted. Why are you going? Was it something I said?! But the detective didn ' t pause to answer. He reached the stairway and ran up out of the dungeon onto the main floor of the library . . . and into the arms of one of the biggest men he had ever seen. The giant threw him to the floor and snarled. Make one move and I ' ll squash you like an ant he hissed. The detective remained perfectly still and the giant continued: You ' ve been asking too many questions, mis- ter, and the Colonel doesn ' t like it. We also know you ' re a detective, and the Colonel doesn ' t like that, either! . The captive whispered I can explain . For a moment he thought he would be squashed. The giant ' s eyes burned with rage and his foot lower- ed menacingly. But then he relaxed. Okay , he said, you can explain to The Colonel. But ... , he grinned, it ' d better be good . The giant led him out of the library and across the street into a building which, for some strange reason, was called the ' morgue ' . Now the detec- tive knew why. The giants office was here Prob- ably eats students for breakfast , the detective thought. A woman, the giant ' s personal secretary, sat behind a desk, concentrating on slowly pulling the wings off of flies. Behind here, on the wall, was a chest of keys. The detective could only imagine how many dispicable dungeons were routinely opened and cast shut with those keys. The giant and his prisoner entered an inner office. The giant pushed a button beside the desk. Suddenly, a secret panel in the floor slid away, revealing a stairway. C ' mon, we ' ll take the secret passage , and he motioned the detective down. As they walked, the giant explained that the passageway wound under all the school ' s grounds, enabling him to sneak up on anyone, anywhere. He seemed proud of this tunnel. They traveled a while, the giant directing. They eventually reached an elevator. The giant pressed 17. The elevator opened onto a dark hallway, lit only by the green lights of humming computer terminals. This is our Security Center. Up here we can spot and trace a water balloon . Very impressive yawned the detective. And through this we can see if a student is making too much noise. The giant was pointing to an ultrasonic-infrared-telescope. The detective looked through the scope. He saw three cars being stolen, and a mugging. What are you doing about that? he asked. The giant shrugged. Nothing. As long as no building is threatened, we don ' t have to do anything. These buildings are valuable . But empty . In any case. The Colonel is waiting for you .

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