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Page 21 text:
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'v..1- 1 - nr, Glvntral Before I continue with my story, I must inter- polate one interesting episode. There lived in those days a most attractive woman, by the name of Yehuditson. She was very talented in art and heart, and her pictures had won her fame throughout the world, indeed, the critics called her pictures out of this world. Now, this talented Yehuditson not only loved Jewish art, but she also had a jewish heart! And so, she wanted very much to help her jewish peo- ple. Thus, it came about that whenever she had a free period she would go into the Assyrian army camp-for she was very friendly with an important general there. It is doubtful whether she captivated him with her art or her heart. In fact, many believe that it was something else entirely. One night, the Assyrian general threw a big party, and naturally Yehuditson invited herself. She was the life of the party, because she ALWAYS made everyone laugh! As usual, she came with her basket of paintings. XVell, after the guests had all left, Yehuditson remained alone with the drunken general. Seizing the opportunity, she bravely chopped off the generals head and wrapped it in oilcloth. And then, of course, she put it in her basket. She was awarded the Knobel Peace Prize for her artistic decapitation. However, she refused the money for herself, and instead put it in the YJAA Trust Fund. The initials? Yes, you guessed it: Yehudit- son's Jewish Art Appreciation Fund. And now, back to our story .... The fighting between Fuldayohu Righteous and Antiyochus 'lRight continued. And then, a number of misfortunes betook this illustrious family. Shimon HaRubeli was killed by a couple of cheats he had antagonized. Elozor HaHoh'mani became paralyzed from all his sitting. Yonoson HaKamberi's heart stopped beating when his clocks stopped ticking. But Yochonon HaLichtensteini, though, kept right on smiling, trusting in the good L-rd. However, Yehudoh HaDardaki kept right on battling heroically together with his father, until the war was finally won. He managed to capture I O vatvrhag by FRAN GALLER all the fortified places-and the souls of the Meyd- lach were saved. However, he wasn't satisfied be- cause the WWPDTI 111: was still in the enemy's control. And so, he told his comrades: We must now capture the Temple, clean it up, and light the Tl'1 1 JD to render thanks unto UWT! that we have been granted victoryf' However, his followers could not enter the Temple grounds because of the foul fumes that filled the air. But, since Yehudoh HaDardaki had developed an immunity to this condition in Meydlach-town, he ventured into it. But, alas, although he was up to his nose in open bottles of oil, he could not locate even one bottle that was left untouched by the enemy. And then, lo and behold, a cry was heard from the laboratory: Hey, get a load of this! I think I've got it!. By George, I've got it-a jug of oil in the microscope closet which has not been touched by human hands! ln fact, it's still in the box, and the seal hasn't been broken! Well, you can imagine the joy, when the oil burned not only for five school days, but also for the whole weekend. That was truly a miracle. But, when Fuldayohu saw that the Temple was completely demolished, he proclaimed: We need another miracle-a new Temple. And,'f1!-'U DK Ubfl -and weather permitting-our new sacred building will no longer be a miracle-just a mirage ! And all the people yelled and cheered, and there was a riot in the subterranean clucker-room, and then, rising above the shouts, Fuldayohu an- nounced loudly: I now proclaim the first two periods of tomorrow, Monday, November 30th, as a sacred time set aside for sleeping off our troubles. And furthermore, to commemorate this significant episode of our history, it is hereby decreed that Friday, December 4th, and Monday, December 7th, shall be national holidays to celebrate the two most significant events in jewish history: TID1 Jl I and Pearl Harbor! And so, with this good news, our miraculous story of 531 JI1 comes to a happy end! V ... . -ff. - '-ana--' . ' - - ' . ,Ti , fl 'F. c,- ? Iggy JJ K k a x..,k .v ixf 'x 'xx 'TTS -ai ci' '-Q , '- '5 .WN X S Q op! vi' , R .-,,i QR-, fag., Ft . 'S it 4-P- 2-. , O K J his . 5. x 31 A 1 'Hx' . ,,,.' 2 . 2 . .4 17
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Page 20 text:
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! 4 - X ' . - A fE3'? 4'3 ef lrl C ninm Qlvmmivh Once upon a time more than two thousand years 'ioo between Mt, Bedford and Mt. Snyder there was fi little town called Modi'in fknown today as Meydlach j. The population of this tovxn num- bered some five hundred inhabitants. The reason that this tov'n was so small was due to the very limited amount of FRESH air. You see there was plenty of HOT air 'ind sometimes a fevs of the inhabi- tants themselx es were FRESH' but behind that ey er- present smoke-screen-there was simply no FRESH air! This was so mainly because a mysterious in- dividual would oo around from house to house- in the dead of night-and shut all the windows. it an arsenal-in Meydlach -town between Mt. Bedford and Mt. Snyder where he assembled his loyal folloviers. There he addressed his audience vsith the follovxing immortal words: The Conserva- tives are preachino the ri ht! Only we are left- to preach riohteousness! Strateoically forming his battle commandos he placed Yehudoh HaDardaki at the helm to watch the ramparts aoainst any further infiltration. Shimon HaRubeli was given the task of supervising the feedino of the loyalists-and keeping their quarters clean. Elozor HaHoffmani was entrusted with the task of keeping the troops busy with work-and 4' ' ' ..-- 1 1 H at -L I x 4 i44,V'A ofa 9' 4 o 1-1 i ,r v - . A I -., J .. I ,. at , t 4 , . v N. to , L , 1 i . 1 v 7 Y .K o 4 'O an ec H x i li ' D 1 n O 7 l , . f , 1 l 7 V 4 7 1 a D I A I - e- v 'O 1 ' 1 . 9 i i .t hr In feet it lg reliably tepgfted that even the dents he succeeded beyond all expectations. Yonoson Ha- ir: were barricaded! And so, miracle of miracles, de- Kamberi, because of his general's air, was crowned . , spite these handicaps, some five hundred hardy, the master of the regimentg and he brooked no rugged individualists-none of whom, though, were nonsense from anyone. And as the chaplain-to 'tie SINGLE'-minded-somehow managed to survive keep up the morale-the choice was the smiling N ge- in this town, Yochonon HaLichtensteini. To be sure, this was an X? Among the llllmblmllts of this town of HMCY'3l' ill-equipped, understaffed and disorganized army. 2' lllfhn Wa5 the famlll' of Fuldayohu and hl5 five But their strategy was to win the enemy by scaring f' sons: Yehudoh HaDardaki, Shimon HaRubeli, Elozor and frightening the rlrrylights out of him, arid, of I HaHoffmani, Yonoson Haliamberi, and Yochonon Course, by rleiiyirig the Populace even a breath of HaLichtensteini, Wow, what a family! What were fresh, eleah air-l 5. they really like? Well, the less said, the better! At any rate, they temporarily fled to the hills V There was much confusion in the land because uritil the ereetieri of the riew builrlirig. What rlirl W of political turmoil then going on. Barry Antiyochus, they do in their he-W Secret hideaway? Well, ae- the Conservative, was desperately trying to persuade eoi-rlihg to reliable reborts, they Sbeht their time all the Meydlach to come over to his party. In Playing dreyelel r eating Iatkest arid Smoking! X fact, his slogan was: 'lIt's easier to be a half-Jew Every 50 Often, they would embark on guerilla than 3 Fuldwlewlii Sadly enough, this made Clulle warfare raids against the Meydlach, who they felt Q 21 Hhltu Wlfll HHH? of UWC M6YCll2lClfi for mln had succumbed to the Conservative party charms-by fhfif llC21IfS they liUCW ho WHS fight-H rapidly becoming half-jews. Of course, they di- Well, one day, Fuldayohu was walking along the rected their main fire-no, I mean smoke-against streets of the town, when he encountered 2 group Barry Annyechns himself, Indeed, Fuldayohu's battle fl of armed Meydlachl' who threatened him with his Cry wasg Give me full Je-W5 or elseli' Yoehoi-,Oh life unless ho would lend his moral Support to tho HaLichtensteini, the chaplain, invoked the blessing we if COllSCrVi1tlVC, Barry AllflyOCl1L1S. Yes, they Cle- Qf Heaven-ngt QD this eat-th! Shimon HaRube'1i rr ill: ClHrCCl, if YOU will only do TID TWU and supervised the communal ubenshingl'-without grace! J SCC tllE light, WC Pl'Ol1llSC CVGYI to IT18.kC Olll' Patty Elozof HaH0ffm3,l1i made eaeh one Stand up t0 ri your party! work-but, of course, he himself remained seated! However, Fuldayohu was a thinking man, and And Yonoson I-IaKamberi kept time-with two -' .5-at he resisted these pressures by bravely replying: We Clocks! And, of Course, Yehudoh Haljafdnki Sup. l I ' Tareyton smokers would rather fight than switch! plied all the neqeggary 'lD1D , And 50, these K, And thats just what he proceeded to do. righteous raiders won many victories against the A He immediately fled to his warehouse-some call Conservative party Meydlach! . we -fat - naive? in f we le QL' '--.1 -. . 'lr ease- -lr- rf'-' ' i' ' ' ' ' H we 16 - ' 'N ' ' 1
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