Yeshiva University High School For Boys - Elchanite Yearbook (New York, NY)

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A Tragedy in Four Acts ACT I Scene I Boy: But mother, spare me the thought of having to go to YUHS! Mother: Shut up and seal thy application. QLaterD Boy: But mother, do I actually have to take a test to enter YUI-IS? Mother: Shut up and cram for the I.Q. test. fEven laterj Boy: . . . so Rabbi mumbled to me in yiddish for 15 minutes or so. I couldn't quite under- stand him, he asked things like Vos is dien nummen? and I quickly answered BABBA KAMA. The look on his face . . . Scene II Un Septemberj Boy: I don't like it here. It smells bad. Second Boy: The walls are dirty. Third Boy: The desks shake. Chorus: Dirty walls-. SMELLY HALLS Shaky seats Next year in Bronx Science. Boy: I am entering T.A. Second Boy: I am entering T.I. Third Boy: I am entering Mechina. Chorus: We part ways but we look forward to better days when we shall meet in a better world. FAREWELL! Scene III Rabbi: Will two boys please volunteer to go down- stairs and bring them up. Two Boys: We will! Rabbi: Do not delay. They are impatient. Get the BIG RED ONES. My favorite color. Two Boys: Yes! THE BIG RED ONES. fLaterj Rabbi: We now have our Gemorahs. fAll rise for a moment of reverent silence. All sit.j Rabbi: Treat them with care. Learn Learn Learn Chorus: Learn Learn Learn Learn Learn Learn Students: Oh rabbi may we now venture into the cold world of secular studies? Rabbi: Yes you may. But beware the math teach- ers that destroy, the English teachers that deride, the science teachers that corrupt. Be- ware the imparters of secularism. Students: We shall take thy advice and heed thy warning. Now on to mythology class. Co-en: Disciples in the ways of the mystic gods: greetings. Students: Our rabbi said we must never talk to strange secular teachers. Co-en: Fear not, I shall impart to you the secrets of the participle, and perplexities of Gerund and the ways of the Olympians. QAt mention of Olympians he hoists pants in sign of reverence.j Students: Is it like Tosephos? Co-en: It is like Tosephos. Students: Then we are saved. Co-en: Yes, I shall make comma-unist of you all. Chorus: Math English Civics Gen. Science. It can do no harm: it is like Tosephos. Students: Hark ye! To civics! Koenigsbergus: Good afternoon and what do you say PEARL. Students: Tell us about rotten communism. Koneningsbergus: COMMUNISTS ARE BAD. AMERICANS ARE GOOD Chorus: Communists are bad Americans are good We can do no wrong Wave the flag . . . f Large figure draped in white toga with large candle in hand appears. He marches on stage, looks around as if he is looking for someone. He rnumfbles something about some kind of a kite and walks off.j Scene IV Boy: I am going to art class. Second Boy: I am going to music class. First Boy: I will scribble and scrawl. Second Boy: I will listen to scratchy records. f Pregnant pause Q Both to each other: Meet me in the lockers and we shall do something worthwhile! All Freshmen: WE HAVE EATEN IN SID AND GEORGE. WE HAVE SEEN MR. ABRAMS. WE HAVE PLAYED HOCKEY IN THE HALLS. WE ARE OFFICIALLY OF YUHS!! CURTAIN fSOMBER SILENCEQ ACT II Scene I Boy: LEARN? Chorus: Learn Learn Learn. English Teachers: Learn. Math Teachers: Learn. Bio Teacher: Learn. Gym Teacher: Play. Chorus: We cannot play. We only know how to learn. We will do our French in gym class. We must never play. But wait maybe we can play for ten minutes or so .... Administration: Average-College-Marks- If you play you will never get into college. Only Y.U. Chorus: Learn Learn Learn. Rabbi Dulitz: Learn!

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Scene Il Students: Onward to the Russian Embassy. Chorus: March March March. Boy: Liberty-Freedom! Second Boy: Did anybody bring a knife and some schmaltz maybe? Administration: Shave points. Back Back we say! Chorus: Boo! ! ! ! Administration: Average-College Marks-Points. Scene Ill fLarge figure in white toga with candle reappears, he is still searching. He grunts in disappoint- ment. He again mumbles but a little clearer. Narrish-kite! ! He walks off stagej Rabbi: So the children of Israel lifted their swords against the enemy .... Pea Shooters: Pfft! Blackboard: Ping! Rabbi: . . . and slew them with a mighty hand. Pea Shooters: Pfft! Pfft! Desk and Blackboard: Ping Ping. Rabbi: Now open your chumashim .... Pea Shooters: PFFT PFFT PFFT! ! ! ! ! ! Walls: PING PING PING! ! ! fMany days laterj Administration: Villains. You are caught! Pea Shooters: Silence. Walls and Blackboards: Silence. Rabbi: I knew something funny was going on all the time! Students: I must heed the call of ERON PREP. Scene IV Students: Let us go to the matzoh factory. Rabbi: Do not bring lunches! Students: QWe shall scatter breadcrumbs all over the place.j Boy: Delicatessen Coming Soon. Chorus: We must heed the call of the ERON and Forest Hills and Clinton. Students: January June. Rabbi Romm Rabbi Zacks. Wait until we are second term seniors. Chorus: GEOMETRY AND COCKROACHES FRENCH SPANISH LATIN SHORT STORIES, CAESER BIOLOGY AND SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN RABBI DULITZ AND RABBI DULITZ IT WILL BE EASIER NEXT YEAR. CURTAIN ACT III Scene I Students: Here we all are in the junior year. Here we all sit and wonder how It is possible to avoid getting Rabbi Dulitz again. You can't fight it. Many Boys: We will take chemistry. fLaterj Fewer Boys: We are taking chemistry. f Much later j Boy: I took chemistry. Scene II Rabbi Suna: Learning! Learning. Learning. You must not have youthful arrogance. Chorus: We will reap the fruits that we will gain. Rabbi Suna: Birnbaum your stomach sticks out! Chorus: Corner store hoodlums A roof under our head We are not worth a penny to know. Scene III Joe: You are sick, you are sick. Chorus: Sick sick sick. Joe: Undeniably sick. Chorus: Give us KUDOR. Joe: Midwives all. Chorus: Give us ink blots. Joe: Frustrated all! Boy: Help me with my problem. Joe: Seethe in thy venom you are rotten. Boy: Forgive me my sins. Joe: Well . . . fLarge man in toga with candle appears again. He looks around. He sees what he is looking for. He extinguishes candle. Come dear. I have a lot of compositions for you to mark. j Students: ALPHAXOMEGAXPHIX Candidates: LIBERTY EQUALITY BUT NO FRATERNITY. Students: Disperse Hee. Chorus: RABBI DULITZ AND RABBI DULITZ NEXT YEAR RABBI DULITZ SINE GRAPHS BROMINE WORLD WAR II HISTORY FORGIVE US OUR SINS NEXT YEAR SENIORS CURTAIN ACT IV Scene I Students: Mr. Advisor, where art thou? Chorus: Elchanite-. Senior Buttons Basketball team HIGH HOPES. First Boy: Elchanite! Where art thy funds! Second Boy: Senior buttons! I pity thee. I pity thy plight in Rabbi Weinbach's safe. Upside down or right side up. You never had a chance. Third Boy: Basketball team. Ramaz has beaten thee. Into thy corners. Weep. BOY: MR. ADVISOR, WHERE ART THOU! CHORUS: GRADUATION! BOY: HAPPY! HAPPY! RABBI: THANK G-D! ADMINISTRATION: DALED BETH! DALED GIMMEL! CHORUS: FAR AWAY. MR. ABRAMS: BEGONE! SIDNEY: BUT WAIT. PAY FOR YOUR UN- RETURNED GENERAL SCIENCE BOOK. CURTAIN