Yeshiva University High School For Boys - Elchanite Yearbook (New York, NY)

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OHM? 31710 all je! This is Captain Larson of Experimental Space Ship F-C reporting our progress on this strange planet. As you may recall, it was only a week ago that we left our planet. I can still remember our magnificent sendoff. General Monroe came to address us before our departure. His power- ful voice emitted a message which still looms clearly in my mind. Men, he said, uyou are going on a dangerous mission. But this job must be done and you are the pioneers in this undertaking. Recently, our scientists discovered this planet called Zeruk, and this space ship which we have been able to produce will enable you to reach Zeruk. Goodbye, and good luck '77 Our engines were started and after some days of travel, we neared Zeruk. After cruising the planet, our ship landed on a rocky plateau. As far as could be seen, Zeruk certainly resembled our own planet. Through the use of our fine instruments it was discovered that the oxygen content was only slightly higher than ours. Many of its elements and compounds are known to us. What aroused our curiosity were the great ruins which we saw here. It seems that a great civilization once existed here and we can't understand how it was so completely demolished. Of course you want to know if we found any beings that resemble us. I would like to clarify this matter by relating a fascinating incident. It occurred only four days ago. I sent out a group to explore the sur- rounding area. Private Darwin left the group to delve deeper into the wilderness. After wandering about a while, he discovered a huge monster. It was a form of life lower than ours. The monster carried a primitive weapon and growled ferociously. Since it was getting dark, Darwin returned to the safety of our ship. Upon arriving he immediately reported what he had observed. The next day we commenced the hunt for this savage beast. It was hard travelling but after only an hour we caught sight of it. We spread out and started to surround it. The creature then noticed us and started to run away. When cornered, it became panicky. In a moment of desperation it lifted its weapon to its shoulder and shot some sort of metal pellets at us. Lieutenant Atkins was hit, and fell, wounded. I decided to destroy this beast before it could do any more damage. I lifted my ray gun and pulled the trigger. There wasnit even a trace of it left. It was completely destroyed. By the way, we did find some remnant of this former civilization. While excavating through some of the ruins, we discovered what appears to be a great book. It was preserved remarkably well. A few of its pages were quite legible, especially the first page. After working on it for a day our translators comprehended its first sentence. Roughly, it means: In the beginning, G-cl created the heavens and the earth. 37 MARTIN SCHNALL. thilty

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Well I'm sure that if we were, I wouldn't have had so much trouble waking you up. HYah! Well what about the time you went out on that blind date? I clon't think there was one fellow whom you didn't ask if both your shoes shined the same. O.K!, O.K! said Jerry. Lct's stop kidding around. 1 You know jerry, pondered Mike, uIt's kind of quiet in the halls. Izveryone must be downstairs already. jerry was standing by the door watching Mike fall over chairs, bang his head against the table, and do another series of unrehcarscd calisthenics. Wl1at's the matter now? he asked. HI can,t find my tefillin, answered Mike. Wlmile Jerry was looking in the book-cases, behind the radio, under the books and papers on the messy table, Mike ran over to the closet, pulled the door open, and right on top of his head toppled his hatbox, sending his new gray hat rolling over on the untidy floor. Oh boy! Wait until my mother sees this hat. She'll kill me, said Mike while holding his hat which was now so streaked with dirt that it resembled a marble cake. Did you look in your drawer? asked Jerry as Mike was putting his hat back in the closet. It wouldn't be in there, replied Mike. HI bet it is. Yeshiva boys don't bet, Mike answered sarcastically. Cut the downing, said Jerry, even more sarcastically. Both boys looked into the drawer and Jerry, looking very happily at the tefillin which were found there, exclaimed, Boyl Are you absent minded. It happens to every genius, replied Mike. Hal Don't make me laugh. Come on, begged Jerry. We're late. b If anyone would have been there at that time, he would have heard some feet scampering and would have seen two shirt rails waving as if in a hurricane. When they arrived in the Beth Medrash they were panting. Stunned, they stopped short at the door, observing that there was nobody in sight. jerry was astounded. Then he looked at the large clock hanging from the ceiling and realized at once that when Mike told him it was twenty- five to eight, it was actually twenty-five to seven. How was I supposed to know? cried Mike. JONAH MANN. twenty-nine

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A!! 3... A 3230... I awoke at nine A.lVI., and within an hour was on my way to the subway. Depositing my dime in the turnstile, I quickly found a seat. In a few minutes a train pulled into the station, and once again, I found myself schoolward bound. Reaching my destination, I alighted from the train, and whistling to myself, and smiling at the rest of the world, I walked the remaining block to school. In school, I quickly buried myself in work . . . trying very hard to forget. Trying to forget about the trip home, and everything associated with it. However, my work completed, I bravely put on my hat and coat, and walked to the subway. I stepped into the subway and was fumbling for a dime when I felt a sharp thud. A man behind me, obviously in a hurry, gently pushed me off my feet and over the turnstile. I paid him a nickel for his trouble and a penny for his thoughts, and rolled down the remaining two steps to the platform. Suddenly I noticed that there was one Seat on the plat- form that had no occupant. After what seemed an eternity, I managed to fight my way to it. I was just making myself comfortable, when a porter came around to empty the garbage cans and dumped me unccre- moniously onto the floor. Being in good humor, I didn't mind the fact that the porter was running over my prostrate form every few seconds. nor did I mind when someone stepped on my hand. After waiting for half an hour, I heard the train rumble into the station. Grabbing my now black uchapeauf' fnot to be confused with a Uchapeau-noir , which is black to start with, and moving as fast as the crowd could carry me, I headed for the train. When I regained consciousness, I realized that I had been the first to enter the train. I had entered through the window. I pulled the broken pieces of glass out of my body, and ignored the cold blasts of air that were continually hitting me. The doors closed, smashing the limbs of several commuters. Then. after a pause of ten minutes, the train began roaring down the track. Wiping the beads of perspiration off my brow, and removing my leg from my pocket, I made myself comfortable. Suddenly I realized that I could not breathe. I-Iad I forgotten my Sen-Sen , or was it just my heart? I sighed with relief. It was merely somebody's elbow jammed down my throat. I spat the elbow out and returned it to its owner. I was just settling back, when I felt a cold and clammy hand reach into my pocket. I grabbed the hand and twisted it. Someone yelled. It was me. One more stop and I would call it quits. I raced madly for the door. Three stops later I decided to try a new method. I fought, bit, screamed and scratched. It didn't help. As a last resort I decided to use my brains. Yvhen the train came to a stop, I raised my voice to a whisper, and looking at the assembled multitude, implored them to let me get on the train. It worked. The crowd think- ing I wanted to get on, were obliging enough to throw me off. I returned home, bedraggled, dishevelled. weary and downtrodden. A bit groggy, I decided to take the elevator up. Suddenly. I felt orange peels, newspapers, rotten tomatoes and cans falling on top of me. Quick to realize it was not manna from heaven, I speeded the dumbwaiter up, and in a matter of minutes I exited onto the kitchen table. After wiping the blood off my body, I sat down to eat supper. Cnc look was enough. I turned away in disgust . . . sardines. NIANFRED SAFFERN. thirty-one