Yeshiva University High School For Boys - Elchanite Yearbook (New York, NY)

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THE Foam: Volume IV Supreme Court Cannot Decide Case For the first time in history, the Supreme Court has announced that it cannot give a decision on the Goldman vs. Weiss case, which attracted the entire nation's interest through its unique and singular characteristics. Maurice Aranov and Alex Soled, the opposing lawyers, had so outlined their briefs that Chief justice Louis Bernstein and Associate justice Joseph Appleman were baffled. Mr. Soled, lawyer for the plaintiff, Mr. Goldman, C. P. A., who claims that he was engaged to audit the accounts of Tiny Dynamite Weiss Cpro- fesssion-hobo, assets-nonej but was not paid for his labors, displayed his knowledge of the Talmud with countless quotations which he had garnered in T. A. in the little time that he had not slept. Mr. Aranov, attorney for the defendant retorted with quotations from Rambam by the eminent jurist Dr. B. D. Schapiro. The free How of knowledge so surprised and astounded the erudite judges that a recess was granted to the justices. The case will be referred to the Senate for a decision. Strassberg 81 Lassner Released Alcatraz, june 12, - The lawyer, E. Greenwald, Phillip Su-llssberg better known veteran shyster attorney of the Weak thru his alias ,Dexter Phiuipn, and Souls Club outspoke the prosecutor. ,, .. M. A. Nitwit, District Attorney. These Long Nosed joe Lassner were re- 3 l harmless citizens ma now return to leased from Alcatraz today by order my . . . their former occu ation and once of the eminent judge, Dr. Shapiro, of P . . more threaten the ublic. Municipal Court. P Thirty One JUNE was lVIanville,s Record Broken june 27, 1963-P.V. Our press correspondent, Martin Lieber, informed us today that he has heard from reliable sources 112. Wolfej that Gerald Homnick million- aire rabbi, intends marrying Miss Frisa Firestone, the glamorous reb- bitzen from the East Side. This will be Gerry's eleventh marriage after twelve divorces. His last wife was Miss Ledys Boose, famous clarinet virtuoso. Miss Firestone had prev- iously been engaged to Norman M. Segelstein, professional Bowery bum. He recently renounced her because of bankruptcy. The wedding will be per- formed by Rabbi H. Altuslty at the Young Israel of Manhattan. The wedding was arranged by Aaron XVeiss. dear friend of the bridegroom. Cantor Mandel Fisch will chant the blessings and Emanuel j. Greenwald will devour the food. The wedding will be limited to close friends and Senator XValter Spielman will act as best man.

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Jia Jmwr guna, 7963 Martin Lieber Writes New Opera , ll Q ' - X Martin Lieber, that well known playwright, poet, columnist as well as operatic writer. has just added an- other to his lengthy list of famous operas. Mr. Lieber has gained fame for his ability to write an opera in not more than one hour, a remark- able skill developed while attending English classes at T. A. Before an immense crowd in the Portlam Audi- torium, under the auspices of Seymour Cohen and accompanied by his one and only Cat-Gut Choir, Martin Lie- ber, sang an aria called Oi Vay Is Mir , from his opera entitled Egg- spot on the Cravat . Doc Shapiro, who was suffering in the first aisle, was angry because Mr. Lieber had refused to sing a song written by Doc , and entitled Raffles or Lot- kas . Doc began to boo the opera rather loudly, whereupon Mr. Lieber quietly put Doc to sleep by tap- ping him gently on the head with a bass fiddle. Mr. Lieber is expected to continue Writing his operas during his stay in the jug for the next ninety days. Noted Scientist Publishes Thesis Morris Seltzer, who has eclipsed Einstein's fame with his new dis- coveries, has done it again. The author of a thesis on How Many Germs in Germany? has now pub- lished his thesis on Why it Hurts the Head to Dive in Hard Water!'. Critics have hailed this thesis as the most enlightening of the century and surely deserving the Pulizer Prize. These theses were published by the L. Knite Publishing Corporation. Genius Retires EEE Quiz Kid Segelstein who aston- ished millions with his knowledge of past, present, and future events, has announced that he will retire at the end of this year, 1965. Having amassed a fortune by driv- ing a truck in his spare time, Norman Morton Segelstein can now retire on his immense weekly income of two cents. Mr. Segelstein earned his reputation as a genius through his participation in the SEGULAH of T. A. Thirty TWO Kramer Stars In f'Transportation The Cohen Theatre Guild presented its fifth consecutive hit tonight. Port- lam's Auditorium was filled to capac- ity as they watched Morris Kramer, veteran comedian, in a new type of role. Kramer tonight depended on a comic interpretation of Shoes , espe- cially written by Martin Lieber, instead of punch gags. Co-starred with Kra- mer were Eddie Wolfe, who played the part of a drunk mechanic, and Honest john Segelstein, who por- trayed a Bowery hoodlum. The play was written by Leo Sutton, executive director of the Pink Organization of America Ca modified redl, to show society's misunderstanding of the un- fortunate bum. Segelstein's portrayal of the dejected outcast was most real- istic. The audience greeted the show favorably, but veteran theatre-goers remembered the show as something very similar to a 1943 production. The proceeds went to a fund to buy the Dodgers a new ballteam. Louis Bernstein Elected President Louis Bernstein has attained his life's ambition by being elected Presi- dent of the Senior Class of Sing Sing College, where he was originally sent for throwing soda bottles at Mandel Fisch, an umpire at the Hotshot Sta- dium. Vifhen the election results were made known to him, Bernstein said with a tear in his eye land a file in his pocketb, This is the happiest mo- ment in my C sob, sobj life. We be- lieve that this is the truth, because he is serving a life sentence.