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Page 29 text:
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LUG U13 ELASS UP '38 And iT came To pass ThaT I was comforfably ensconced in a chair in The audiforium, awaiTing my sheepskin, when I realized That my mom- enTs in T. A. were numbered. And a heavy sleep overfook me . . . and I beheld . . . Twenfy-Two eager boys enTering The porTals of a large sTone ed- ifice of Byzanfine archiTecTure. And lo, I find myself one of Them! We are in a classroom and a shorT, sTouT man wiTh heavy glasses. Mr. Rogoff by name, is cross-examining a sTudenT wiTh eiaculafions of copulaTive, spliT inTiniTive, and oTher foreign sounding phrases. A less forTunaTe sTudenT is reciTing wiThouT aid of a book, IT is an AncienT Mariner, and he sToppeTh one of Three . . . Try as I may, I can only counT Ten long faced, sinisTer looking individuals, making use of The exiT of said classroom, WhaT is lefT of us are being enferfained by The incomparable humor of Thaf noTed humorisr Fred Benny Swirsky, abouT whom iT has been rumored, is a Teacher of French. A cerTain Doc Hoffman is busy handing ouT papers for a TesT he is abouT To give. A shouT of 'La Tab- oole is heard, Monsieur Swirsky ThreaTeningly picks up The aforemen- Tioned piece of furniTure, and we, being no fools, pass ouT quiefly from The classroom. We pass four maTh. Teachers on The way, who claim They have come To Teach us. lk if Pk PF wk Led by PresidenT Joseph ElgarT and SecreTary Abraham Karp, we all as one march inTo a large hall marked wiTh an enormous 2. The firsT To welcome us and evenTually charm us, is a former in- maTe of This insTiTuTion, Mr. STrum by name, whose chief hobby was passing ouT marks ThaT never vauITed 80. Ah, buT ThaT was before The aforemenfioned genTleman beheld our physiognomies-and Two of us emerge wiTh The unprecedenTed grades of 82.50. A handsome Adonis greeTed us en francais as we Trod info la salle. We spliT a few infininTives, a few Tongues, and sally forTh from The class of l'homme avec les cheveux magnifiques. Two floors up, second door To The righf, we file in. AwaiT a Teach- er. Presenfly one arrives. l.ighTs a cigareTTe. Explains To us ThaT we are sfudying Biology. Excuses himself. Leaves. We follow suiT. ELCI-IAN ITE TwenTy-seven
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Page 30 text:
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A colossal 3 gazes brazenly down aT us. Our ranks are swelled by a wild horde from The swamps of Brook- lyn. A sTalwarT young buck, Kramer by name, of said horde Tries To buck our building, and geTs The worsT of The argumenT wiTh Three broken ribs. Young horde Tries vainly To perform a coup d'eTaT lplus much shouTing, mud slinging, nominaTions, obiecTions, accepfances, declina- Tions, refusals eTc. eTc.l Cohen and Karp of The Old Guard reTain leadership. Undaunfed by The oufcome of The firsT squabble, They Try again and place Mirsky and l-laimm as secrefary and aThleTic manager respecT- ively. Who-Mr. AsTrachan. Whaf-shoufs, Louder please! When-when he feels like iT. Where-in The English class. How-Through use of his larynx. Why--we sTill don'T know. Mr. Oscar RosenThal, behind a French musfache, wiTh innumer- able charTs, comparaTive rafing Tesfs lwhere passing mark was usually 57 and lowerl Tried hard, buT in vain, To Teach us The difference beTween garcon and fille-as if we didn'T know iT already. Two floors up, second door To The righ+ again. This Time To be amused, amazed, awed. befuddled, and The like by The scienfific dis- courses, inTellecTual discussions, songs. and jokes of Dr. Dlugafz. Dr. D. laddressing an up and coming Mendell-Tell me, Shmeye Leib, where is The sand pipe? S. L.-lwiTh The hopeless look of a Dodger fan, poinTs To his abdomenl-IT should be some place around here. Dr. D.-IT should! PK Pk FF FK K An angelic chorus is genTly swinging. Youre a four. The Old Guard-Those frosT-biTTen reacTionaries, remain all-pow- erful wiTh Karp and Gellman a-Tap. We are delving info ancienf hisTory books on Ancienf l-lisTory, un- der The TuTelage of Mr. lhere's hopes for a Ph.D.l Jacob l. l-larTsTein, who has since deparfed for happier hunfing grounds. Buf his l'm always one ahead of you! lingers in our memory. NOT To forgef a cerTain hisTory exam. Ring The bells! TooT The horns! Blow your noses! TwenTy-eighT ELCHANITE
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