Yeshiva University High School For Boys - Elchanite Yearbook (Brooklyn, NY)

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NEW MANUSCRIPT DISCOVERED! HISTORIANS AMAZED! Mr. Norman Dachs, prominent life-insurance sales- man and president of the Dachs Life Insurance Co. QMotto: The Dachs Life Insurance is as strong as a marshmallowl, today discovered a manuscript which has revolutionized history. While attempting to sell a life insurance policy to a resident of 1060 President Street Lwho's been dead for fifteen yearsb, he dug up an old manuscript. The manuscript had the date 5709 on it and since up to now historians believed that man could not write in 5709 B.C.E., this lmocks history into a cocked hat for it is not only written but printed. Here is a reproduction of the document. Ielrntmznls nf -lilhvra nf the 1. . NYe, the Elders of T. A., otherwise known as Seniors, being in complete possession of our faculties Chaying just taken prisoner our Hebrew and Eng- lish teachersl, do hereby dispose of our unearthly possessions in the following IHHIIHGI' . . . To RABBI FAIVELSON we leave a court record. so he'll know whats involved in his case. To DR. LICHTENSTEIN we leave a Cl'll11llilSl1n class that understands French. To DR. SARACHEK we leave a class of boys and girls to increase his basic vocabulary. To MR. STRYM we leave a loudspeaker so they can hear him in the back. To MR. FRIEDMAN we leave a new science to master. To MR. L1-IBONYITZ we leave a fresh supply of sodium and a can of water to keep it in Cand a new lah to take thc place of the missing onel. To MR. GROSSMAX we leave 100 Long Playing records and an old phono- graph to play them on. To MR. GODIN we leave year's supply of pretzels. To MR. TURETSKY we leave a Shas and a Math book in one volume. To MR. CANTOR we leave a private room for his detective agency. To MRS. LEVITON we leave a picture of a window to hang in her office. To MISS SHERMAN we return the stencils of last term 's finals. And much to our relief . . . we leave T.A. ln perjured witness thereof, we hereby affix our signatures Cone X for alll, - T1c'cnty-E1'g1zf-

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9 0 m ENTERTAINERS ANNOUNCE NEW ACTS! Zev Chamedes, Pinchas Kahn and Akiva Glickman. the three chalutz entertainers, for Hakibbutz Hadati. announced their new acts today. Zev Chamedes and Pinchas Kahn announced a new death-defying act. fThey crack jokes before an audience which hasn't been disarmed.J, while Akiva Glickman, alias Hypno, the magician and hypnotist, announced his new magic trick. He shuffles a pack of elephants, cuts twice, and deals out ivory keys. Followers of the entertainment world are breath- lessly awaiting the new acts since they recall the sensa- tional old acts of -the three. tlt Kahn and Chamedes duet with Kahn singing t?l and Chamedes playing the comb. t27 Glickman's now famous hypnosis of the Sphinx which made it honest. tUp to then, it had always been half lion.l U.S. AMBASSADOR REACHES MOON! Richard Silverman, first U.S. Ambassador to the Moon and founder and originator of the M.R.P. tMoon Recovery Plant arrived at the moon at 1:57 this afternoon. Mr. Silverman radioed the following message: Attention all cheese lovers. There is no basis for the rumor that the moon is made out of green cheeseg it's made completely of American cheese. However, I t-t-think that I 1-l-landed on the w-w-w-rong side of the m-m-oon because the s-s-sun isn't s-s-shining h-h-he1'e at all. Washington greeted the news of Mr. Silverman's landing with mixed reactions. Senator Miller said: Ah have always been against this trip. It is obviously a Communist plot. There is no question in mah mind that the moon is anti-U.S. for everyone knows that it is a SflfPllZ'fQ.,' SMASH STAVISKY COMEDY ARRIVES! PLAY GOES OVER WITH A BANG! A new smash comedy opened last night at the Habimah Theater in Tel Aviv. It was entitled You Too Can Pass a Regents and it was in three acts tlooking, copying and handing inf! The play was a riot and the audience just died laughing. The critics who had been warned beforehand went for the play in a big way. Said one critic, Looking up the barrel of a gun, the play was terrific. Another critic said, The jokes came as fast machine gun bullets and were just as funny. Said another critic. The play smells. Mr. Stavisky is also the author of a best-sellintr novel, Wherefore art thou? an epic and grand ver- sion of the Lost Weekend, entitled The Last Decade or My Ten Years at T.A. 1 TIM Mfg!- NEW ANTI-TRUST ACTION IN WASHINGTON? The DPDY- of llljustice brought anti-trust actions zlirainst Judah Kirshhlum, prominent businessman, for cornering the market in Izfft-handed teacups. Stanley CUYWIL C0l'I10l'ation lawyer, rlefcnrlt.-fl Mr. Kirshblum in a brief suhmittcrl to the court. Said Mr. Foht-nz Mr, Kirshblum was raising the price on left-hanrlwi teacups to make it impossible for leftists to drink tea. Thus he was defending the American way of lifc. Besides, one half of the monopoly profits were going to a Y.U. scholarship fund. Mr. Kirshblum is well known for his terrific coup a few years ago. At that time, he sewed up the rotten egg market just before one of Ernest Be'.'in's trips to America and made a killing, selling them to demon- strators. NEW PRODUCT ANNOUNCED! Marvin Blush. head of the Legume Tooth Powder Co., makers of Peter, the only soap made out of cab- bage, tMotto: If you're tired of washing with it. eat itjl today announced his new product, Bl, the perfume with the magic ingredient, Dizgazdjng. Mr. Blush made the following statement. Bl is guaranteed to make every young girl a Hollywood star. Our motto will be Why Dream of Being a Holly- wood actress? Bl . Bl is made out of limburger cheese with 'infusion de skunk' added. Be 'outsanding' in company with 'B1.' Nine out of ten Hollywood actresses prefer 'Bl' to fertilizer. 'Bl' comes in three sizes: economy size, jumbo size, and hoohah! OPERATION SAVES LIFE! Dr. Samuel Dershowitz today successfully completed a hazardous operation on Mr. Joseph Fischer. The operation was in two parts. The first was a brain operation which was done with ultra-microscopic tools. The second was a gastro-skeneatelic operation fwhich was done with mirrors.5 It seems that Mr. Fischer had swallowed a copy of Life magazine and it had gone to his head. Thus Dr. Dershowitz saved a Life by operating. P.S. Dr. Dershowitz has mislaid a loaded revolver. If anyone finds it. please return it. P.P.S. Mr. Fischer announced that he was suffering from shooting pains. vepfsi . , -li I l9l39gvT5 oh v 4' :I . lx :+G -u 0 Q 'fn I Y A s 112 , tf ' M. .ezs1 f . , . , If 'fe e S' lang-JL' .I B 3 IG 2 Dr. Dershowifz af Work Strut -

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