Yeshiva University High School For Boys - Elchanite Yearbook (Brooklyn, NY)

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NEW PAINTING ANALYZED! Murray Wachman's now famous drawing Two Polar Bears With Backs to Viewer at North Pole during Snow Storm. CSee Photol was analyzed today by Israel Sturm, noted psychoanalyst. Mr. VVachman's drawing took the intellectual world by storm when it came out a few months ago. In his own words: I got the idea from poetry. In poetry we have free verse and blank verse. VVell, I've seen free painting and now I have painted tblank paintingf Professor Sturm's analysis is as follows: tEd. Note: See photo of drawing as he analyzes it.l Notice the powerful stroke of white. This shows that Mr. VVach- man is forceful and has an exit in life. However the slight waver in the center shows there is an inner coniiict. In other words, he has a Thyestes complex. That is, he suspected his great uncle of maltreating his brother-in-law's cousin's aunt whom he thought he once saw. However, now that his sister is married, it is obviously wrong and his picture shows this. The color composition further shows that at the age of one year, three months, and eight days, Mr. Wachman was dropped on his head in a pile of snow thus causing this drawing. CNOTE: Mr. Wachman is also the artist who drew the famous Midnight in a Blacked-Out Town when the Moon and Stars Aren't Out. j NEW BOOK ON GEMARRA PUBLISHED! Rabbi Samuel Feder astounded the Talmudic world with the publication of his new treatise on the Gemar- ra entitled, Stop -the Nigunf' In this work, Rabbi Feder asks many questions on the commentaries. Among the questions was the following one. If a man should hit his friend over the head with an iron bar, and the iron bar should break, and one of the pieces should fly through a steel grate and break a metal magnet which would then repel three pounds of iron filings through the window, is the owner of the steel mill obligated to pay two cents per pound for iron ore to the miner? Said one commentator: It is an eiseneh question. A 2nd expert said, N-n-yah, An unidentified person said: The answer to this may be found on page 19 of the Reverend's Handbook. Rabbi Feder is the author of several other books of questions and answers on the Talmud entitled. So you want. to give a Shiur'? , I-Iishonim or Nothing . and t'The 6-I answer question. SAM, YOU MADE THE EGGS TOO HARD by L. E. G. HORN, Special Correspondent Samuel Silverstein, engineer and mathematician, was honored last night for solving the age-old enigma, Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Mr. Silverstein said they came together. He proved this by his new formula which has five steps in it. ll -Sig Ux flir2x3 25 ..34X4D:3:-:4 X 22S46Z00 35 Subtract fifteen just for the fun of it. 43 Add twenty-five if in a good mood. 57 Mix, shake well and serve slightly warm. Mr. Silverstein modestly refused any credit for the formula. Said Mr. Silverstein, Let's be hard boiled about this. I don't deserve credit. My history teacher used the formula for many years. I merely gave it a new use. - As a reward, Mr. Silverstein was given a chicken inspection badge, five dozen rotten eggs, and the title of Grand Egg. L P.S. At. the present time Mr. Silverstein is studying the properties of chickens and eggs. NEW KIBBUTZ OPENED IN HONOR OF GREENBERG Yitzchak Greenberg, head of the A.F.L. CAretz Federation of Laborl and famous political leader, whose maiden speech in the Asefat Hanivcharim on behalf of delinquent Yeshiva boys was a sensation, today ofliciated at the founding of Kfar Yitzchak. The ceremonies, however, were picketed by rivals, who claimed that the kifbbutz should be named Kfar Jacob tAvraham has not been heard from yetl. Upon being heckled, Mr. Greenberg said: Stop kibbutzingf' Mr. Greenberg has been in the news several times in the past. Once he was head of the Third Floor Of- fice Worker's Union who wanted to be transferred to the fourth Hoor. When the boss refused, the workers struck for a raise. I Last vear there were A Hmmm! also two attempts on 1 Mr. Greenberg's life. ' . N I Once a hired thug fired X buckshot-tdollar billsj - I X it - at Mr. Greenberg. I , However. the money tl 1 I 1 went awry because ev- , X Il 5 eryone knows that cap- - Hi I 'I' ital is afraid of labor. ,i X I l A second time a char 1-I ,f M V attempted to run him 'I ff l down. but Mr. Green- - I , l bcrg' merely sprad his 5 Q' ' I V legs and the ear zoomed ' A l ,. under. tFor season see ' Tl pliotol - I 'l 'i Spur-f 170119 not pgrmit Q' complrtr picturf, - Tirmvty-Sin.: - A A ,...-,... ,QT5-:nf -- I 5 t I

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PERPETUAL MOTION MACHINE DISCOVERED LANDAU MAKES NEWS AGAIN! Ronald Landau, famous physicist and watch lover extraordinary, today announced that he had discovered the long awaited perpetual motion machine. Said Mr. Landau: After 37 years of experimentation, I have come to the conclusion that my mouth is a perpetual motion machine. Scientific authorities investigating Mr. Landau's claims believe that they are true, for no one who has ever known Landau can remember when his mouth stopped going. As Mr. Landau's law- yer said: It's an open and shut case. Moreover, I would like to point out that although many perpetual motion machines were invented using the principle of water, this is the first one using a drip. Mr. Landau is a great watch and clock lover. In fact, last year he fired two employees for punching -the clock when they entered the office. Mr. Landau is also a famous mathematician and he used higher mathematics to develop his machine. Some of his calculations are pictured on the right. CSee photo at right.D TOPOROVSKY RETURNS FROM TONGERIK! Dr. Norman Toporovsky returned yesterday from Tongerik Atoll where he served as medicine man for the natives for the past ten years. Your reporter had tlieg following interview with Dr. Toporovsky. Question: How isthe health-,situation in South Pacific? Ans-wer: Excellent. Mary Martin is in the pink of health. ' ' Question: I meant in the South Pacific islands. How is the health of the natives? Aizszeer: Beastly good. However, the hospital facilities are quite primitive. Qziestioizz How have you helped improve the health of the natives? Answer: When I came to the island ten years ago, it was dreadful. The poor natives didn't even know that they were sick. Why, they spent their whole lives without seeing a doctor or going to the hos- pital. However, I quickly remedied the situation. I showed them how many sicknesses they should have. I instituted many health weeks. There were appendicitis weeks, pneumonia weeks, and indu- enza weeks. It was I who discovered the three types of cold twhich necessitated seeing the doc- tor three timest They are the uncommon cold, the fairly common cold. and the common cold. Questioizz What was your greatest thrill in your ten years at the atoll? Ansuwr: Wh-en I almost beat my trained chimpanzee at chess. Dr. Toporovsky said that he is now worth ten million cocoanuts. q il ,.- P' IRQ we X g 0 X- .XX xy Smit mit' I 1 fa, K 5 x y tr-05'Ax 7. 93 8 X S a'iJS-fl .' gcosd' zz 7 '1- -' s OO I-05 'Yi 7 S' X i,QL S.1 ,-4igx,.,,...1 If Sq 5 : an KLXT-VbMN5:?QY i Q Mr. Landau's Calculafions WORLD-FAMOUS PSYCHOLOGIST INTERVIEWED Professor Edwin A. Goldstein, author of the best selling 'tSex Habits in the Male Mosquito, was inter- viewed today by your reporter. The book which sold 18,000,000 copies tEvery male mosquito bought one: was written by Prof. Goldstein on one of his periodic visits to Ward 3 at Bellevue. Prof. Goldstein told your correspondent that he is now writing a sequel called 'tl Didn't Meant It revealing that all his revela- tions about the revealing facts of mosquito life were revealed 'to be false. He has already been promised by the Boston censor, his brother-in-law, that the book will be banned for revealing too much and so the book can be expect-ed to succeed. P1'of. Goldstein is now teaching at iVestminster College. tSee photo be1ow.fD i 12 ANARCHISTS ACQUITTED! Capping a series of brilliant moves. Irwin Witty. famous lawyer. won a mistrial for his twelve clients last night. Mr. Witty, however, was held in the highest contempt of court. iThe court had nothing but contempt for Mr. XVitty.i Mr. Witty's legalistic moves are worthy ot' mention. He tirst swung public opinion to his clients' side by becoming their lawyer. This moved the public to have great compassion for the twelve doomed men. He next demanded a ruling ot' mistrial because of improper lawyer and defense. This was an irret'utable argument and .ludge State, the presiding judge. had to rule a mistrial. - Ticeziiy-Fit? -

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9 0 m ENTERTAINERS ANNOUNCE NEW ACTS! Zev Chamedes, Pinchas Kahn and Akiva Glickman. the three chalutz entertainers, for Hakibbutz Hadati. announced their new acts today. Zev Chamedes and Pinchas Kahn announced a new death-defying act. fThey crack jokes before an audience which hasn't been disarmed.J, while Akiva Glickman, alias Hypno, the magician and hypnotist, announced his new magic trick. He shuffles a pack of elephants, cuts twice, and deals out ivory keys. Followers of the entertainment world are breath- lessly awaiting the new acts since they recall the sensa- tional old acts of -the three. tlt Kahn and Chamedes duet with Kahn singing t?l and Chamedes playing the comb. t27 Glickman's now famous hypnosis of the Sphinx which made it honest. tUp to then, it had always been half lion.l U.S. AMBASSADOR REACHES MOON! Richard Silverman, first U.S. Ambassador to the Moon and founder and originator of the M.R.P. tMoon Recovery Plant arrived at the moon at 1:57 this afternoon. Mr. Silverman radioed the following message: Attention all cheese lovers. There is no basis for the rumor that the moon is made out of green cheeseg it's made completely of American cheese. However, I t-t-think that I 1-l-landed on the w-w-w-rong side of the m-m-oon because the s-s-sun isn't s-s-shining h-h-he1'e at all. Washington greeted the news of Mr. Silverman's landing with mixed reactions. Senator Miller said: Ah have always been against this trip. It is obviously a Communist plot. There is no question in mah mind that the moon is anti-U.S. for everyone knows that it is a SflfPllZ'fQ.,' SMASH STAVISKY COMEDY ARRIVES! PLAY GOES OVER WITH A BANG! A new smash comedy opened last night at the Habimah Theater in Tel Aviv. It was entitled You Too Can Pass a Regents and it was in three acts tlooking, copying and handing inf! The play was a riot and the audience just died laughing. The critics who had been warned beforehand went for the play in a big way. Said one critic, Looking up the barrel of a gun, the play was terrific. Another critic said, The jokes came as fast machine gun bullets and were just as funny. Said another critic. The play smells. Mr. Stavisky is also the author of a best-sellintr novel, Wherefore art thou? an epic and grand ver- sion of the Lost Weekend, entitled The Last Decade or My Ten Years at T.A. 1 TIM Mfg!- NEW ANTI-TRUST ACTION IN WASHINGTON? The DPDY- of llljustice brought anti-trust actions zlirainst Judah Kirshhlum, prominent businessman, for cornering the market in Izfft-handed teacups. Stanley CUYWIL C0l'I10l'ation lawyer, rlefcnrlt.-fl Mr. Kirshblum in a brief suhmittcrl to the court. Said Mr. Foht-nz Mr, Kirshblum was raising the price on left-hanrlwi teacups to make it impossible for leftists to drink tea. Thus he was defending the American way of lifc. Besides, one half of the monopoly profits were going to a Y.U. scholarship fund. Mr. Kirshblum is well known for his terrific coup a few years ago. At that time, he sewed up the rotten egg market just before one of Ernest Be'.'in's trips to America and made a killing, selling them to demon- strators. NEW PRODUCT ANNOUNCED! Marvin Blush. head of the Legume Tooth Powder Co., makers of Peter, the only soap made out of cab- bage, tMotto: If you're tired of washing with it. eat itjl today announced his new product, Bl, the perfume with the magic ingredient, Dizgazdjng. Mr. Blush made the following statement. Bl is guaranteed to make every young girl a Hollywood star. Our motto will be Why Dream of Being a Holly- wood actress? Bl . Bl is made out of limburger cheese with 'infusion de skunk' added. Be 'outsanding' in company with 'B1.' Nine out of ten Hollywood actresses prefer 'Bl' to fertilizer. 'Bl' comes in three sizes: economy size, jumbo size, and hoohah! OPERATION SAVES LIFE! Dr. Samuel Dershowitz today successfully completed a hazardous operation on Mr. Joseph Fischer. The operation was in two parts. The first was a brain operation which was done with ultra-microscopic tools. The second was a gastro-skeneatelic operation fwhich was done with mirrors.5 It seems that Mr. Fischer had swallowed a copy of Life magazine and it had gone to his head. Thus Dr. Dershowitz saved a Life by operating. P.S. Dr. Dershowitz has mislaid a loaded revolver. If anyone finds it. please return it. P.P.S. Mr. Fischer announced that he was suffering from shooting pains. vepfsi . , -li I l9l39gvT5 oh v 4' :I . lx :+G -u 0 Q 'fn I Y A s 112 , tf ' M. .ezs1 f . , . , If 'fe e S' lang-JL' .I B 3 IG 2 Dr. Dershowifz af Work Strut -