Yeshiva University High School For Boys - Elchanite Yearbook (Brooklyn, NY)

Page 26 text:

fc-LIL' f la if -Q,4a f , ' : Z 4111 ff 'CAM 74,44-X - f f f QM 'I 1 le, I 4, i At ' of aio- A V 1 'lin i- xx-4'-'?F'T? 7' S . 4 ' I I X 1+ t g 4 4 n FALSEHOUD, BLASPHEHY, PREvARucA1'voN.fr Vo 1 No. 1 Published by T.A. Brooklyn Alumni January 1, 196 Kahane De Martin Kahane. candidate for president on the Cherut party ticket, today closed his campaign with a reaitirmation of his party's slogan, ReanneXation of Asia and Reoccupatfion of Europe. He again stated his party's platform which is as follows: 15 We must have a Jewish state on both sides of the Pacific. 2,3 We demand a port that is frozen all year round. 33 1080 80' or fight! 4m Long live shekel diplomacy! As candidate of the mildly expansionist party. Cherut, Mr. Kahane reaffirmed his determination to buy Patagonia for 37,200,000 though some critics have labeled it Beigin's Folly. NEW ECONOMY DRIVE GETS UNDER WAY IN GOVERNMENT Marvin Bienenfeld, successful businessman and iinancier, who amassed a huge private fortune selling old bio tests to students and swimming suits to the Eskimos at the North Pole. today announced new economy measures in the budget. Appointed by an economy-minded Congress after the US. announced an 83 billion dollar budget for the third straight year. Mr. Bienenf-eld has been doing exhaustive research on each department's expenditures in the government. These are his cuts in the 83 billion dollar budget: ll Instead of putting extra stamps on heavy letters. risk mailing them with one stamp. 2+ II'hereas in the past US. government letters were sealed with the gum on the flaps, in the future they will be closed by inserting the Hap into the letter. Thus the government saves the price of the gum on the tiaps. 31 Whereas in the past every department hired unskilled labor to lick the backs of stamps. in the future it will be a civil service job and thus we will have skilled and rapid labor do the job. fEd. Note: There is no basis to the rumor that Mr. Bienenfeld will hire certain students to the last job even if they are skilled at the vvorkf: Mr. Bienenfeld estimated the savings by his moves mand A ia!i . . , . l . -1 - Kahane Addressing Usual Overflow Audience NOTHINGATRON DISCOVERED! Mr. Irving Forman rose to new heights in the elec- trical world last night when he discovered the nothing- atron. As Mr. Forman said: I was feeling mighty low last night. Then I sat down on a tack. You have no idea what a lift that gave me. IVhen I landed, I had lost my glasses. It was then that I saw the nothingatron. Mr. Forman gave the following facts about the nothingatron. Its diameter is .000000 of an inch. In fact it is so small that even the most powerful micro- scope cannot see it. It has no weight and no electrical charge. This morning, however, Pravda denounced Mr. For- man's discovery as capitalist propaganda. It is a well known fact, said Pravda, that in 185-1 Nikolai For- mansky discovered the nothingatron in Russia. CThat is the same year by the way that Orville and 'Wilbur Left discovered the airplane near Moscowxl When asked this morning by your reporter Whether he realized the magnitude of his discovery. Mr. For- man answered: Oh, it was nothing at all. at a minimum of 550. which is enough to put a full page ad in the Elchanite. advertising the savings. lEd. Note: All this trouble might have been avoided if Congress had not revoked the free mailing rights of government departments in 1963.1 - T2e'ewty-F0zrr-

Page 25 text:

In the Spring . . . Next year Ramaz holds its Lag B'Omer outing elsewhere. JUNE Bio and language Regents not too bad considering. Arista formed . . . Oh well, maybe I'll get in next term. Finished with minors. XVachman must have made plenty drawing during the past two years. SEPTEMBER History I, XY'ell, Mr. Lilker .... XWl1at's KCLO5, Mr, Lebowitz. You here again. I thought I saw the last of you in general science. OCTOBER On Tuesday, Rabbi Faivelson tells his classes he wants S-IUC by Thursday. O.K. Real money? NOVEMBER Library now going full force. Look, Bienenfeld, I don't owe any money on this book. DECEMBER I hear we're buying the Knights of Columbus mansion in Flatbush for an annex . . . Lot next door bought for two story annex. JANUARY '48 XVhat's logs, huh? . . . Ask Mr. Turetsky. FEBRUARY Dr. Saphire said no three and a half year course. This is a four year school and that's that. Maybe only hardship cases. Hey Moish, can you get me a draft registration card? JUNIOR T7 JUNE Bernstein cut -I5 out of 50 math classes and got 96 on the Regents. Mr. Turetsky's theory is that he took a home study course while he was absent . . . Feld, who has been counting since first term, says only three days to graduation. SEPTEMBER Advanced Algebra is unique. No walls in the class- room, no blackboards, tno place to put thema and no textbooks. The teachers room is American History Il's class . . . Feder sits in the closet twith the door openj . . . Slfg year course announced. Bienenfeld, Dachs, Feder, Stavisky and Xxlacliman get out in February , . . Dershowitz becomes a chemistry major . . . OCTOBER Double American History. Double English, Double trouble for Messrs. Strum and Lilker. XVith only live boys graduating wc-'d have had individual in- struction if only Bienenfeld would stop persecuting Stavisky. Then we'd learn mebbe. NOVEMBER Got our Senior pins. Five men of distinction , . . H, 'lffm Mr. Cantor keeps saying some of his boys dis- appointed him on the Regents . , . I don't care what you did to .Ioe Fisher. I still say you cant hypnotizc me. Yes. ,lack Glickman, I see a three- headed boy. DECEMBER Hurricane strikes Florida. 12,0Uo,tItItJ dollar dam- age. How dreadful . . . Dr. Saphir pays Seniors a visit to reassure us we can't make it in 595 years. However. new tive year plan tcoursej introduced. JANUARY '49 Five familiar faces are no longer with us. 'I'hey've gone the way of all students and will be no more. Ah well, tive down, eighteen to go . . . Say, Tippy, I hear Dr, Saracheks giving out lOtl's in English. Wlitit? l failed? Awl Wlait till next year .... FEBRUARY Seniors in control of G.O. executive. Greenberg, presidenu Toporovsky, vice-president: B I ti s h. Athletic Manager . . . All three got 160 votes. Roll call reveals 155 students in school . . . XVC got four new telephones we don't use. so we had to get a switchboard . . . We don't use that either. MARC!-I Only 102,240 minutes of school left. As La Guardia would say. Patience and Fortitudef' APRIL Say, Irv, what's the cotan of a b c over capillary action x Treaty of Chapultepec? XVell, leave the room. . . . Brooklyn College test. Y.U., here I come! Guess what? The Regents Scholarship Exam! Lucky I had my ouiia board along. Gee, that Der- showitz knows his bio . . . Lag B'Omer outing . . . Student Day arrives. VUhat'sa matter Greenberg. gotta stiE neck? Mr. Bassell has to read from Canterbury Tales. takes off jacket. Hot day, huh? JUNE We passedf We passed! XY'e passed? XVhat? XVe failed? I want my tuition back . . . Graduation night. Bewildered , . . in a daze. Shake hands. Diploma . . . FREE. And all my bonds aside were cast Yet these heavy walls to me had grown A hermitage f and all my own And half I felt that they had come To tear me from a second home . . . My very chains and I were friends So much a long communion tends To make us what we are - even I Rc-gained my freedom with a sigh And so to college. 'fe ff' ,.. ,1 ff .v X, Q' in SENIOR

Page 27 text:

PERPETUAL MOTION MACHINE DISCOVERED LANDAU MAKES NEWS AGAIN! Ronald Landau, famous physicist and watch lover extraordinary, today announced that he had discovered the long awaited perpetual motion machine. Said Mr. Landau: After 37 years of experimentation, I have come to the conclusion that my mouth is a perpetual motion machine. Scientific authorities investigating Mr. Landau's claims believe that they are true, for no one who has ever known Landau can remember when his mouth stopped going. As Mr. Landau's law- yer said: It's an open and shut case. Moreover, I would like to point out that although many perpetual motion machines were invented using the principle of water, this is the first one using a drip. Mr. Landau is a great watch and clock lover. In fact, last year he fired two employees for punching -the clock when they entered the office. Mr. Landau is also a famous mathematician and he used higher mathematics to develop his machine. Some of his calculations are pictured on the right. CSee photo at right.D TOPOROVSKY RETURNS FROM TONGERIK! Dr. Norman Toporovsky returned yesterday from Tongerik Atoll where he served as medicine man for the natives for the past ten years. Your reporter had tlieg following interview with Dr. Toporovsky. Question: How isthe health-,situation in South Pacific? Ans-wer: Excellent. Mary Martin is in the pink of health. ' ' Question: I meant in the South Pacific islands. How is the health of the natives? Aizszeer: Beastly good. However, the hospital facilities are quite primitive. Qziestioizz How have you helped improve the health of the natives? Answer: When I came to the island ten years ago, it was dreadful. The poor natives didn't even know that they were sick. Why, they spent their whole lives without seeing a doctor or going to the hos- pital. However, I quickly remedied the situation. I showed them how many sicknesses they should have. I instituted many health weeks. There were appendicitis weeks, pneumonia weeks, and indu- enza weeks. It was I who discovered the three types of cold twhich necessitated seeing the doc- tor three timest They are the uncommon cold, the fairly common cold. and the common cold. Questioizz What was your greatest thrill in your ten years at the atoll? Ansuwr: Wh-en I almost beat my trained chimpanzee at chess. Dr. Toporovsky said that he is now worth ten million cocoanuts. q il ,.- P' IRQ we X g 0 X- .XX xy Smit mit' I 1 fa, K 5 x y tr-05'Ax 7. 93 8 X S a'iJS-fl .' gcosd' zz 7 '1- -' s OO I-05 'Yi 7 S' X i,QL S.1 ,-4igx,.,,...1 If Sq 5 : an KLXT-VbMN5:?QY i Q Mr. Landau's Calculafions WORLD-FAMOUS PSYCHOLOGIST INTERVIEWED Professor Edwin A. Goldstein, author of the best selling 'tSex Habits in the Male Mosquito, was inter- viewed today by your reporter. The book which sold 18,000,000 copies tEvery male mosquito bought one: was written by Prof. Goldstein on one of his periodic visits to Ward 3 at Bellevue. Prof. Goldstein told your correspondent that he is now writing a sequel called 'tl Didn't Meant It revealing that all his revela- tions about the revealing facts of mosquito life were revealed 'to be false. He has already been promised by the Boston censor, his brother-in-law, that the book will be banned for revealing too much and so the book can be expect-ed to succeed. P1'of. Goldstein is now teaching at iVestminster College. tSee photo be1ow.fD i 12 ANARCHISTS ACQUITTED! Capping a series of brilliant moves. Irwin Witty. famous lawyer. won a mistrial for his twelve clients last night. Mr. Witty, however, was held in the highest contempt of court. iThe court had nothing but contempt for Mr. XVitty.i Mr. Witty's legalistic moves are worthy ot' mention. He tirst swung public opinion to his clients' side by becoming their lawyer. This moved the public to have great compassion for the twelve doomed men. He next demanded a ruling ot' mistrial because of improper lawyer and defense. This was an irret'utable argument and .ludge State, the presiding judge. had to rule a mistrial. - Ticeziiy-Fit? -