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Page 74 text:
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eff aqui X fx gi 1 ..............t,..........,...-.., ..,.....,. ..m......-.... . ..,...-.. ...., ..,......,. ..... -......-,,............--.......,...--...s...............................,.....-.....4-...--m---.- cezafw ' ' fffsiif- fl . 1. ..f .V . ,., -r Aw- --I , .syn 12' ' ' -' af- Y- pvfzf1:'.5-M15 ' ' l sg il - S .-,aw ., r 1 . is U, .... , as , , ,xiii .. . . - . , . , f, .,,, 1. , 1 , J .,.,,. Z Di 1 L 5 41 ,v. -f 1 A A MOTHER GOOSE MODERNIZED AND YEATMANIZED JXDDIE B121 Mus TOM, TOM, THE PIPER'S SON Tom, Tom, the Pipers son, Stole a pigskin and away he run. He ran and ran and never stopped Till past the goal the ball he dropped. MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY Mary, Mary, quite contrary, Oh, how do your grades go? Oh, M's and P's and F's and G's All in a nice, straight row. SING A SONG OF YEATMAN Sing a song of Yeatman, A satchel full of books, Four and twenty lessons, Beware the teacher's looks. VVhen the day is opened, The lessons they do hear. If you -do not have them, You have much to fear. COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO Cock-a-doodle-doo, Mary's lost her shoeg Tillie's lost her middy blouse, And don't know what to do. -J anuary, 1924 LITTLE JACK HORNER Little .lack Horner sat in a corner Trying to do his math. He wrote down an X and rubbed out a And said, Wl1at a good boy am I. NEEDLES AND PINS Needles and pins, needles and pins, Gee. I'll be happy when Yeatman wins A FE, FI, FO, FEM Fe, Fi, Fo, Fum, I smell the scent of a chemistry roomy Be it sulphur or be it not, I think the teacher should be shot. SIM PLE SIMON Simple Simon met a student Going' up to school. Said Simple Simon to the student, Do I look like a fool ? Said the student to Simple Simon, XVell, now, I just cannot say, But it seems to me, my little man. That you look like a nice New Tay. THE OLD XVOMAN WHO LIVED IN A SHOE There was an old woman who lived in a-shoe, She had so many children she didn't know what to dog She sent them to Yeatman to learn 'em some books, G But the iirst thing they did was to fix up their looksi Seventy
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Page 73 text:
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A- ,, A., V... .- p. . pl.-lm... . . ... ...':::a..-mf.: :zz ..-.... J.-2.2-:xr . .......-............,.......... .... ...-....-................,...................,--.-.........,............-. -aa...-:-.4 -, , - 1 -f .af-,Y D-- .,.g:5',:,,,, 5,1,',,,,R,QLz22f?2,:z..gg2w':-ragga? 57 -::::.:-1--::r::1:: '::'::::'x:r:. ' t:::::n1r':':'2:1.rr :1:f:f'z- 1' ::r '-'-L ,T .iff H ,, :ps at - L.: . a. '- was sp ui Q, :asc 1: Q Q ' . S if 595 ' E aff K E O E if 1 53: 'T'-- I L Q ff ,- A ,.-.,f.-..z,.fWM- - W e Q 'f -19 X X X 1 J-V, . 2' f rt 4-.Ei 'i N' -4 ' X 4 X 1 I ' 53 2? 2'f41. r .rf Q' ., A Q 1 . 1 gy Ae 1 gi arg Lf..- ----- L -J' I 5 K' -it -A U 1 1 L...,.... 'L'I.'1'.f ...- ' L'.T.Z -.'.Z'F..Z'.... '... ' i :.::Z::::.::::::..Z'.12'-..-.. 2...i ' N5: -...:.---I-......N .Q .........................., ..........,...............s.. ..,. .....,...- ,....,. ..,...,.....,.,...............,....--.-...-.....-............. ,. . , jump into the taxi. But, when we got there, the fool joint had closed sixteen minutes before, at six o'clock, and the death rec- ords were barred to me. 'fDriver, where can I find the death rec- ords ? said I, coming back from my trial of the doors. Sure, sorr, at the City Hall, answered he in a superior manner. Anywhere else ? yelled I, frenzied at the poor boob's stupidity. Well, sorr, you might find some iv thim at the morgf' Nowhere else ? The undertoikers kape a list fur their biznessf' Then drive to one of them, I ordered. . Pat CI guess that was his namej drove as blidden, though I'm sure he didn't drive to t e nearest. The man in charge was quite courteous. After I had requested him to let me see the death notices for the last December, he took me into his back room, and gave me a coffin-case to sit on, dusting oif the top with what looked like a soiled shroud. I-Ie then brought out a large book. I opened it and read: December lst: Abbott, Julius-Beloved husband of Kate Abbott Cnee Murphyji. and our dear father, uncle, and cousin, at the age ofi judas Priest, said I to myself, this'll never do. It'll take me to Kingdom Come to read all the obituaries. I must read just the headlines. I then went on down the list: Arlington, Kateg Banter, Frankg Berry, Charles, and so on. I finally struck Decem- ber 17th. Here I read: Atford, Caroline: Bent, Mary, and then Billton, Zachariasf' Then, in a Hash, I suddenly remembered that it was Aunt Mary Billton, Aunt Cary Bandon, and Aunt Sarah Lander. After taking down the address, I slammed the book shut, thanked the undertaker hastily, and sprinted for my taxi, I hurriedly gave the chauiteur the address, told him he would get double pay if he got there in iifteen minutes, and made a sort of fancy dive into the tonneau. It was some ride. Pat swung round the corners so that the floor of the car sloped like the short ends of an indoor running track. Policemen hollered after us in vain. One even used his gun, but all he did was to shoot out a street lamp. Finally, at seven-twenty, we stopped in front of Aunt Mary's home. The folks must have been waiting for me at the door, for they came out at once. Mum and Aunt Mary looked very much relieved. Dad looked relieved, too, at first, but then he began to get angry. Have you ever noticed how, after people have worried about you, and you havenit come to grief, after all, they begin to get furious at you? . You graceless young reprobate ! stormed he, what do you mean, making your mother worry herself almost sick, spoiling most of our visit, and perhaps making us miss the train? VVhat have you been doing all this time? Examining some of the city buildings, said I, meekly. Dad, can you give me S7 .99 to pay the man off? I've lost my wallet. Pay him olf, nothing, snorted my father, we'll need the machine to get to the station on time, thanks to you! To finish briefly, we made the train, and also the boat. We had a very pleasant trip, but my father never quite forgave me my, as he thought, gadaboutings in Chicago. I had to take it all, for both Mum and Dad would have been terribly hurt at my not knowing all about the relatives. Upon further thought, I would suggest that in addition to learning the names and addresses of all your relatives, you had bet- ter keep an alphabetical list of them in your coat pocket, even if it does produce an un- sightly hump. Sixty-nine
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Page 75 text:
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