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Page 69 text:
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,,.,,,.,.NW,M,,-,N Illll, ,N ..,.............. ...,. ....-.....................,.........................................-..-............----..---.....-..........-.......................,.........-....,.... 'sas 'gszs.. a'-.5232 I,:.:::::.1.::.sz:rmszr-z:ra-:11:::::.4::n:::w:.'::.:::-.:..'vz::'.:1:,-1:1-,u':::::.arz.:v:ti::::r:::-'1 gg:E:,, N '-' Mm i 1 Q Sig by-11 fi ..... it X ,.l U -f--ill-mfirr. fl, , . . . .. ., .lj L3 2 'V 'RESET Il.-. L '.,.. '.!.IZI ---- ' 'I-'l. T.1T1'.Z'Z',.Il'.Z'Z.Z'.L1.1.'f'I-Tl'f ' 5:f7' -7i '1'f'-1fI:Z.Z .J2 f '..I'..1'lT1'l1'L. Wd: .. f 'f-' . - ' ' ' ,, ........-r-.:. - -L ...,.1a,a, , --...,-.-....-.WW--' --A -.--1-I..-.W -: :J-'-'zu--4--:va - I- , J , I . --4 , WHO'S YOUR AUNT?? P ? 9? THEODORE V ICKROY-511116, 1917 AY! I'1l bet you a quarter interest J in an Eagle Stamp that you cant hi name all your aunts, uncles, first c cousins, second cousins-once re- moved, and your other relations to the fourth degree. If you can't, you'd better hurry up and learn their names or you may get into a bad pickle. Mum, Dad and I were coming from Port- land fthe lVestern onej on our way to Europe, where we were to take a good long trip. Vlfhen we passed through Chi- cago, we were to have dinner with Mum's Aunt Mary. VN' e were to leave Aunt Mary's for the station at about seven, for the New York train left at eight. As the train drew near Evanston, I sud- denly remembered that Grubby IfVhite fso called because, when he hit the line, he went so low that his nose almost rooted up the groundj, my college chum, lived there, and that Grubby had asked me -last june, as we were packing up, to visit him this sum- mer. f'Gee willikensf' thought I, here's my chance to give Grubb-y a little surprise party. I had just time to say to the folks, Say, I'm going to say 'hello' to Grubby. I'll meet you at Aunt Mary's. Then I grabbed my hat and sprinted for the vesti- bule. VVhen I got on the station platform, I looked for- a cab, to ride to the house. I-Iowever, I changed my mind very quickly, for I found that my wallet had either been lost or stolen, and that I had only a little loose change, seventy-nine cents, I believe. I then made inquiries how to reach my friend's house, found that it was not far from the station, and so took the shoe-line to it. I-Iowever, when I arrived there, it was only to turn around and hike for the Northwestern, for the family had gone away for the summer. I was just in time to miss the three o'clock train. After a wait of about an hour CI know it was that long, although the com- pany's clock made it only fifteen minutesj, the next train came along, and I piled on. We pulled into the Chicago station at four o'clock. ' As I stepped from the train, it suddenly dawned on me that I no more knew Aunt Mary's address than I knew who had been the first wife of the governor of Patagonia. I wasn't alarmed, though, for I had been led to believe that there are telephones, even in Chicago. Indeed, I knew there were two companies. I supposed that they had the habit of getting out directories. Accord- ingly, I strolled leisurely to the drug store in the station, and picked up the only tele- phone book there, the Bell, I think, or per- haps it was the Automatic. Anyway, when I was just about to open it, I remembered that I had no last name for Aunt Mary. So far as I knew, I never had seen Aunt Mary. I had heard of her a great deal, but one does not call his aunt by her last name, so I probably had hardly ever heard her final moniker. After racking my brains for several min- utes, I finally decided that it was either Aunt Mary Bandon and Aunt Cary Lander, or Aunt Mary Lander and Cary Bandon. To settle the question, I looked up both Mrs. Mary Bandon and Mrs, Mary Lander. Not finding either, I walked out, and Started up the street, looking for a store which possessed an Automatic, or, anyway, it was the other telephone book. I found one, all right, but that was as far as my success went. Then I remembered that Mum had said she was terribly deaf. Maybe she couldn't enjoy a telephone. I then recollected having seen a city directory in the first store, so, nothing daunted, I walked briskly back to it. I opened it, and looked for my names again. Great Scott! They were not there! Then it came to me that I heard Mum say a Sixty-five
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Page 68 text:
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'1 J ic.: ....w---3, Y- -------:f-----------f .fav-1 :z +.v ' ' , 1 - YL , T ,- W, ' r rf-. 11' - +- ..,2.1...:::i, ,5 f '2i:2i:ee.iLZ.:-.:'m1::..:.:.'::::ar.:::z:ra1:::.1-'-':'-wr:s+..i '-..:::.-L- ' ,, ? 5' ' j .. ..., . -- , -. i . ,,,, .51 .,...,..., 'X H-ri ,, .,,,, , .V.., ., .z,,. . . .4-E i' dw-1:f':.:v:::':::m::::2:1 r'::::::'fri-7 -'-: ' f '::::xL.-:f.::::::r:g.,- i, .2 .. ...ww-. Sixty-four EMBARKATION The terrible ordeal of meeting o'er, He simply had to wait an hour or more. When finally they reached the car The weather talk was played out, far, And he was sweating blood from every pore To be no bore. DES PERATION-LAMENTATION At last, when, much relieved, he reached the school, Another ordeal waited, far more cruel. Of programs he knew naught at all! Experience is bitter gall. He cursed himself for being such a mule- Infernal fool. HUMILIATION The first dance only augmented his woes. He just could not keep off his partner's toes. No matter where he put his feet, They always managed hers to 1neet! He weighed one hundred forty in his clothes. As she well knows. SEPARATIGN At last the gay festivities were o'er. VVith great relief he got her to her door. It took but half an hour to tell How she'd enjoyed herself so well - Rut then-then it threatened to begin to pour. She said no more. EXASPERATION The drenching torrent fell with steady roar. Down to the car-line, desperately he tore! The last owl car had just passed by! fiTis always so. I wonder why?j He wilted up against a post and swore. For he was sore. DILAPIDATION Two hours after, drenched clear to the skin, VVearily through the window he climbed in. His Sunday clothes were quite done forg And he, alas, could get no more! So he concluded dancing was a sini Always had been! CULMINATION Next morning he possessed an awful cold, VVhen out of bed at half-past nine he rolled. He got to school terribly late: But such is every poor chapis fate, NN ho tries thepractices of seniors old: So I've been told.
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Page 70 text:
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xx! ,-....,,,.,,,, A,,,,, ,4,,,....,. .,... ...-.-.....,..........,.., .... --. ...T V ,,--.,...........-.H,..-...... X- J.-.-.ft .,,.1-VM., it :V -.Q Q. .,.- -A 5-.., .-: my :W 1 :sl as-As,w..Ha.a,.,y - , - f la ..., . 3 H, , M , 4 . , , .. c , .., . , ,, J U l' 2' i I A gg Z ...sm ,L l 1 -- is , 'I:.... 1 .-l.1::Lr:ZIJi?ffI LI...--'--.:r::':....,. ''' ::::::::::::.':::.... c :...q ....,... :,..''-1.1:1:1:::.:::1:u:::r.':..,,.'---.,-.f 7:-mf ..-.:s..ss...: I .............................,......-.....---. ,,- :WA-......,........,. '-I . , ,, Y Y Y . i-- IZ? ' little less than a year ago, that Aunt Mary and her husband had just moved to Chicago from their farm near Galva. By George! Yes, it couldn't have been .quite a year ago. for' Mum had received the letter the day I left home for college. Confound it! Evi- dently she hadn't been there long enough to have her name in any directory. I blew a jitney out of my hoard of fifty-four cents fthe other quarter had gone for train farej and called up the chief operator. The curious clerk probably heard something like this: Give me chief operator, please. Yes, I said chief operator. UI-Iello, is this the chief operat-Oh! I beg your pardon, I have the wrong number. Hello, chief operator? Hello, is there a person named Mrs. Mary Bandon or Lander who has a phone, but whose name is not in the book? You'll see ? No, I am not through. HI-Iello! There is not? Thank you. Good- bve. I then asked the clerk the way to the City I-Iall, for I thought that there I would be able to find some way of locating Aunt Mary. By this time, I decided that I had better get a move on, so I left the store and trotted over to the car line. After I had waited a long time, a car took a notion to come along. and I leaped on, without taking the formality of waiting for it to stop. VVhile the car seemed to have many troubles, I also had troubles, which eclipsed those of the car. I began to wonder what on earth I Should do if I could not locate Aunt Mary. Con- found it! If we missed that train, we would also miss the boat. Blamed careless of Dad, making such close connections, anyway. Wfhy on earth had I left all the arrange- ments about the trip to him? Ch, damn it, anyhow! VVhy'had I left myself iii such ignorance about the arrangements? I might have known that something unforeseen would occur! 'Why not give up going to Aunt Marys and meet the folks at the sta- tion? But even that was out of the question. lVere there not several stations in Chicago? Sixty-six Surely there were. I remembered that Grubby had told me so. Oh! why had I thought of visiting him at all! Confound Grubby! Blame him! Dod gast him! Dad swiz- Sitty I-Iawl, bellowed the conductor. I jumped off, and went up the steps of the building, cursing the whole blamed mud- dle, and praying that I'd get some track of Aunt Mary. From the first person I met, I inquired my way to the census office, thinking that it was the most likely place for information of the sort that I wanted. Bursting in, I asked the clerk, who seemed, to my fevered brain at least, to be covered with ink, Say! can I have a look at the census ? 'fVVell, you don't look like you'd throw vitriol on 'em, laughed he, but I guess you'll have to put up a deposit. I fished out my forty-four cents. It was not enoiih. However. when I pulled out my watch and added it to the pile, he de- cided, That will more than pay for any damage a poor harmless nut like you could do. Then I realizedthat the inky one had been joshing me. - Too much relieved at being able to get at the books to feel angry, I hurried into the rack room where the books were kept, so fast that Inky had not time to open the door for me. But my 'hopes were doomed to disappointment. There were no Landers in the book at all, and only one Bandon. Since his name was Algernon, and our fam- ily has always held to plain names, I was sure he was in no way connected with Aunt Mary. As I came out the clerk asked: What's the matter, old boy? I-Ie was one of those jokey. but at the same time sympa- thetic, people that one meets once in a while. lVho wants to know ? replied I crossly, for my disappointment had put my temper on edge. Ulf you couldn't find some namef' said he, unabashed, you ought to try the tax- soaker's office and the water department hang-out. Has the party moved into the city lately ? Yes, said I, hoping again. 1
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