Yeatman High School - Yeatman Life Yearbook (St Louis, MO)

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which puzzled. In a few minutes jack joined our group, but was careful to retain the weather as the conversational topic. Something was in the air. That was plain. I felt that expectancy which pervades the atmosphere just before the wedding march. And oddly enough, bustling Mr. Smith, the business man who was always in a rush, was this morning sipping his coffee as leisurely as if he were the Count d'0live. I had just managed to switch the conversa- tion to baseball, when the impending hap- pened. Our queenly heronie swept grace- fully into the room and dramatically drew aside a cloth which covered the dish she carried. The pie-there was the pie! I sprang to my feet as if to say something but was so unstrung that I clutched at my chair for support, and words failed me. The ceremonies went on without interruption. Jack, my hero, said the lady, today is the crowning hours of my life. Today! For I was given a task to complete for your dear sake, and today I have the pleasure of set- ting before you, for your approval, the fruits of my endeavors. I have had to fight for this token I now bestow, for Beelzebub himself dared to cross my path. VV hat had happened? Ah !. it dawned upon me! So simple, only a fool could not have seen through it sooner. Miss Prunes had simply found the pie and left the paper arranged as if untampered. She had out- Poed me. I was conscious that jack had risen to acknowledge the gift. They must have rehearsed that presentation. I heard him say, Queen of queens, most beautiful of the beautiful, the honor thou bestowest upon such a humble one as I-how can I express my appreciation. Think not that I had no understanding of the trials that have beset thy path. I have been acquainted of thy vow to deliver this golden pie unto thy humble knight. Posterity shall e'er re- member--. At this juncture the masque yielded to the mirth of the spectators amid prolonged laughter, I sank weakly into my chair. Beaten! Purloined pie-rats! -Oh, why was I such an educated fool? The laughter finally subsided. I pushed back my plate and slowly turned away. As I reached the door I heard a purring feminine voice, Little boy, little boyf' It stabbed like a knife. Ye gods, had the woman no mercy? I had suffered enough soul agonies to satisfy the most revengeful demon-yet she wanted more blood. f'Oh, little boy. I faced her with an effort, for tears of disgrace and defeat were pressing hard. That's mammais nice little boy. Now won't you speak a piece to let us know that you lost ? I guess-I guess you-w-win. My voice broke and I stumbled up the stairs. At the top I paused. Before me, in mock- ery lay the basket which had once contained that cursed pastry. Traitor! In blind wrath I gave it a vengeful kick that sent it rolling. Then-mira-bile dictu-out flapped the pic! I stood dumbfounded, then sat down dazed, to collect my giddy senses. The idea of delirium tremens occurred first, but soon there came light and I perceived how I had been hoaxed. Seizing the pie, I bounded down the steps to prove my victory. Smith was just leav- ing. I dragged him back and shouted for all to come and behold. They Hocked into the room but stood around in such cold apathy in View of my shouts of victory that I stopped my prancing. I grasped Smith entreatingly by the coat sleeve and I held the pie before him. Smith, you're a friend of mine. Honest now, don't I win? Ain't that the pie? Look at it, man! I-Ie finished lighting his cigar and then gazed critically at the object. I-Im, it looks like one, son. lVhat did you pay for it? VVhere were my friends? I sought in vain for a single sign of sympathy. All my faith in men ebbed in a moment. ,Here were examples-the cowards! Their stomachs swayed their intellects, aye, their very mor- als. They would desert the standard of truth, the ties of truest friendship-all for 37 Ninety-nine

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would allow it to fall into the hands of such an insignificant scrap of brainless humanity as I happen to be. I retired. At dinner time the pie had been bal-:ed and the news had spread among the boarders that war had been declared. Miss Prunes made remarks of such a nature that it soon became apparent that this was a battle of Man versus VVoman. She was to show the superiority of her sex by winning the fight for the pie. She had seen a movie called The Master Key, in which a girl opposes a villain in a light for a gold mine. The girl wins in the movies and Miss Prunes thought the comparison quite applicable. I sincerely wished I were not the noble representative of men in this great issue, but being in, I determined to win at' all hazards. All my detective instincts were brought into play and my every thought was on how to get the pie into my possession till I could convince Jack on his return that I deserved it. If I could do this, then would I be lauded to the skies in my triumph. The Mrs., trusting neither Miss Prunes nor my- self, had hid the pie in the kitchen till the morrow. Now to get the pie. At an oppor- tune moment, near the end of dinner, when the Mrs. and Miss Prunes had come in to eat with us, I drained my cup. I started to ask for another and the Mrs. made a move to serve me, but I acted as though it hurt my conscience to disturb her and I begged the pleasure of getting it myself. I con- gratulated myself on the successful man- oeuver and once in the kitchen, I looked quickly in the refrigerator and pantry. I couldn't find the pie, and I was taking too long to refill my cup, so with rare presence of mind, I announced to the Mrs. that the coffee was cold and that I would heat it. Thus I gained more time and felt around a high shelf. No pie! I was stalled. The Mrs. became suspicious and stepped into the kitchen. I then tried to think where I would hide it if I had a woman's intellect. and I soon arrived at a conclusion. I sud- denly exclaimed, Oh, look at the shedf, and as she turned to look, I sought under the coal bucket. Foiled again! I was getting Ninety-eight desperate now. Writh no preliminary strate- gism at all, I opened the oven-the pie! It was almost in my hands, when in sailed Miss Prunes, and, angered at my nerve, she took one healthy swing at my nose and landed me in a heap on the iioor. I was impressed with the fact that she had been scrubbing floors these past months while I had been merely pushing a pencil. In chagrin and defeat I withdrew to my room. After some time my nose felt well enough to allow me to think of other methods of campaign and I divined by hearing the player-piano that the coast was clear for the kitchen again. I sought permission to wash a glass in the kitchen, but that was too crude, for Miss Prunes suddenly remembered to feed the cat in the same vicinity. I went upstairs, took off my shoes and softly stole down through the back hall. I searched and searched and Hnally found the precious pie in a box of ribbons behind a trunk in the back hall. A few seconds later I had it in my room, where I could keepit safely. But I was going out that afternoon, and I knew that no means would be spared to rescue the kidnapped pie. Wfhere could I hide it? I remembered one of Poe's short stories called The Purloined Letter, and, acting somewhat on that principle, I wrapped it up and hid it in a waste -basket which stood in plain sight at the top of the stairs. I put a note on the bureau advising the searcher to look into the dictionary. Then I went downstairs and made such boasting over the affair that the Mrs. suspected me and soon discovered the worst. She gave forth a shriek which was followed by a shriller one from the throat of Miss Prunes. Being mindful of my nose, I fled. NVhen I re- turned I found, as I had expected, that my room had been searched. But when I peered into the basket I saw the paper parcel intact and it gave me no little pride. There it was still the next morning, but I managed, however, to assume a very matter-of-fact air as I sat down at the breakfast table. I waited for the subject to be broaclied one way or another, but I was served in a silence

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a few paltry degrees extra in the arcs of their pieces of pie. That men could sink so low! The thought embittered me to the core. Over there, with dishcloth on arm stood the Amazon mistress of the situation. Her triumph -broke out in a leering smile as she- saw me baffled in my attempts to assail her ironbound forces. Leer! VVhat care I? I tossed back my head, threw out my chest, tightened my belt, cut her with a side glance-all just as I had seen it done in the movies-then I stalked out of the room. Let them laugh, aye, and laugh some more. I may slowly starve, I may fade away like a pretty flower on a summers day, but yield to that woman-never! I told my tale to a lawyer friend and ended, Of course, teclmically, it was a great victory for me. He laughed more vigorously than I had expected. Yes, my boy, but you know technically you are a minor. And when it comes to signing contracts, et cetera-now mind, I am speaking in terms of pure technicalities -you are inthe same class with lunatics! Hang it anyway. A LA,KlPLlNG'S l..'ENVOl I SUCILLE BRYAN-JLIIIC, 1907 :When the last diplomas been given and all of the speeches are done, I When the stress of the play is over and fame and honor are won, XV e shall rest, and, faith, we shall need it-have done with the worry and strife, And try to forget about lessons and follow the simple lifegks And no one shall ever disturb us with the thought of report-cards again, And no one shall ever remind us how near to flunking wescameg For crams and grindings are over, at least for a season, we know, And no more shall the night-oil be wasted in trepidation and woe. ll he girls were not all Priscillas, but reilection shall make them content, When they think of the pain and the torture that all of the cast underwentg And joy again shall possess us when we know that our class dues are paid, And the threats of our terrible treasurer shall ne'er again make us afraid. And those distressing delusions of striving only for marks Shall give place in less time than you'd think to summer picnics and larks. NV e shall love to be left in calm silence with nothing at all to do, But to sit and dream and wonder that our cares are really so few. Then great will be hopes for the future and the joy will be undisturbed, For the world will be lying before us and our wild, reckless natures uncurbedg But in spite of the things that have vexed us, when we look back in those future davs, VVe shall long for the school we have left here, when the world has taught us her ways. One Hundred