Yeatman High School - Yeatman Life Yearbook (St Louis, MO)

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1 l -4 f I f ,V !1, , .I 1 123 ' ' 16' ' 1 ,Z 42 CAL, f f X 4 f Z THE DIARY OF A POTATO By GENEVIEVE VVIPPO APRIL 10.-A Red Letter day. I have emerged from the dark obscurity of the pantry. My resting place now is the ground. After we had all been given place in the earth, we were left undisturbed. My colleagues and I consider ourselves so much above the common every-day pota- to, since we live in the back yard of a pro- fessor's home, that we have formed a po- tatoes' union. Naturally, our scope of ed- ucation is widened tenfold. Only those who are enough sophisticated and live in our acre can become members. I am re- garded as a leading member, because my ancestors were among the largest in the town. APRIL 25.-The ants, board of religious organizations in our lot called a mass meet- ing to discuss the moral and educational deficiencies of the modern ant. A motion was passed to limit the skirts of the flapper ants to a certain length. This motion caused dissatisfaction among the afflicted group. APRIL 26.f One of our bolder members decided to sprout once and start out in life for himself. Unfortunately, as he sprouted he struck an ant-hole. He was nearly tickled to death with all the ants running over him. As a result of his boldness, I fear that he will never mature and grow up into a large, healthy potato, because he has his roots in a foundation of sand. You well know the Bible verse, the house built upon a foundation of sand shall perish. APRIL 28.-We have sprouted. Before breaking ground we held a religious meeting in which we prayed for success in the future, a dense foliage growth, and for complete freedom from potato bugs, who inhabit our leaves whether we wish to rent them or not. The parson assured us that all our pleas would be granted. Person- ally, I have my doubts. You know, I felt so proud and happy in sending up that little sprout, that I ac- tually winked at the sun. He merely rolled his eyes in answer. MAY 5.f-My neighbor eight inches away and I are engaged in a deadly feud. It started like this. Just yesterday, both our advance agents, the roots, stretched out in search of food. They collided with each other during the search. An insult- ing remark as to my size caused me to re- ciprocate with one just as biting, hence the feud. INTAY 10.-Well, dear me, the professor was investigating the progress of our growth. He is a wonderful farmer! An innocent neighbor of mine who had ac- quired a denser growth of leaves cruelly deceived the poor man. He thought she was full grown and jerked her out. She was no larger than a small radish. We held a funeral to pay our last sad homage to her, and we gave full vent to our grief, plus anger with the ignorant agriculturist. MAY 15.--Mother used to say that the life of a potato is grand and glorious if you don't weaken. That is my chief trouble-- the weakening clause. To see others of my friends in the same acre of ground having bushy green dresses, and not troubled with those bitter enemies, the dress ruiners, alias the potato bug, is very discouraging. Now, although my dress is green, after a fashion I have been honored with the company of so many of these pests that my once beautiful apparel resembles a sieve Though I am not bothered with a clean- er's bill, thanks to Mr. Rain, it is quite dif- ficult for me to attain the to height of cleanliness that my neighbors do, for the rain simply falls thru the worm-eaten holes and misses me altogether. MAY 20.-My health has not been of the best for the past week, but it is now im- proving. I have adopted exercise as a health-restorer. I have joined the Calis- thenics Club. Every day from nine to ten we take a drill provided the wind is blow- Page Furry- Thrre

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wwf WWW 9 y C f My XZ Q f7 QQZ'7? gif T1fill'f.fQZ'Q1QQQ,f'-Iff-fQl,f-:Ei , '-' ' , ,. ,.,, ,,,.,,,,., f f ...,,,- 'Q ' gh f.2' 1 ffaaww A cc., IQ. Q75 ,.,, also add that 'skimpy' dresses are a good deal cheaper and let people know that most girls have pretty legs. And I might also add, my dear Miss, he shot back at me, that Well bred young ladies do not talk about such things and if the distasteful subject must be mentioned, they say 'limb' instead. Oh, fiddlesticksln I retorted. 'Such nonsense disappeared long before women got to vote. Please do not be so vexed he said courteously, his momentary anger gone, 'I did not come here to quarrel with you. Indeed, -I didn't think anyone wou'd be here, as you are, in the day time. I must accomplish my purpose. ' Is your purpose a secret? Oh, no, he answered I may as well tell you the story. You see, before my death I was about to marry a very charm- ing Georgia girl. It was the custom then for the soldiers to carry some trinket or piece of jewelry which belonged to their sweethearts. Elizabeth gave me a pair of coral ear-rings to carry as a luck charm. I kept them both until the very end, when I was captured by your uncle. In the struggle one fell into the Hreplace and I have come back forit, merely to see if it is was still there and--and well--perhaps be- cause I used to be very sentimental about such affairs. See, here is one of them. He Page F orgy- Two 42 f Z we f f QW f 1 f f M ff 2 .'.., :.'.::.:,. ,::' ,.5':,.:s,.:::,g:::.::.::',.:',.1Lj1f,: ..,, ,c,....,, drew a leather case from his breast pocket and took out the ear-ring. It was very small and dainty, just large enough to cover the lobe of a small ear. It was of gold with a piece of rose coral fas- tened to the top of it in a peculiar fashion, as though held there by two tiny bands. When I had expressed my admiration, Sergeant Nelson hastily took back the trin- ket and turned about. I heard him utter a cry of dismay and he looked anxiously at the concealed fireplace and then at me. Why, what has happened? he ex- claimed. It is replaced by an iron grat- ing and-oh! You are waking up and I won't be able to get it It will stay there now forever. Just then a sort of golden light filled the room. My eyes became dim and I heard a faint Good-bye as I saw the Confeder- ate turning to misty haze. For a moment everything remained in perfect darkness. Then I felt a heavy jar and I became broad awake, half of me on the floor, the other half on the chair. I rubbed my eyes sleepily and wondered if the lemon pie we had had for dinner had affected me so seriously. The room was filled by a momentary ray of sunshine and I cast down my eyes to avoid the glare. I saw something which startled me exceed- ingly. Of course, it was only a coincidence but at my feet lay a tiny coral ear-ring. 2 5

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-,-v .--. . -,-,1 ,,v-, W , ,,, ,. , S fa L75 ff' f 7 7' f 'ff 1 ' ' 9 7' ff f if fi ..f fl f 'V-Vv- ,... ff:71f:g:1i?fiTiii::1::L::L:f::1L:fi?fif i W ing. My! how we do shake and twist and turn ourselves! The modern dancer would fade into obscurity matched against us. MAY 22.-Oliver Wendell Holmes is a wonderful man. He once compared us to a man boasting of his famous ancestry. He said that the best, in such a case, is under- ground. To celebrate his memory we held a meeting of the potatoes' union. One of the speakers, Mr. Red-river, said we re- sembled Marshal Foch. This worthy gen- eral directed all the allied armies from his headquarters. In a like manner we direct our entire foliage growth from under- ground. MAY 27.-Speaking of blessings in dis- guise, we certainly had them today. The prof held a unique party today-a pota- to bug party. The guests were the chil- dren of the neighborhood. Each child tried to pick off more bugs than the rest. The one that was assigned to me kept busy all afternoon and consequently won the first prize-a perfect potato leaf. I must say that the recipient didn't seem very en- thusiastic and muttered something about the stingy old guy. MAY 29.-The prof has decided that the party wasn't a complete success. He still finds bugs on us. Now he is sitting on the porch with his feet propped upon the railing and is deep in a book on how to ex- terminate garden pests. Some of the dope sounds terrible. N o matter what it is, the prof will follow the directions to the let- ter, for, as he tells his patient wife, You must farm scientifically. AUGUST 1.-Well, my dear diary, I cer- tainly have neglected you, but I've been so busy growing. Besides, the only im- portant occurence of the summer hap- pened on the 4th of July. Then some en- terprising young Edison was experiment- ing in our lot with some mixed explosives in a can. He set it off and ran. We got the results. There were twelve killed, in- cluding the president of our union. Four- teen were seriously injured and twenty, Page Fnrly-Four badly shaken. We have drawn up resolu- tions upholding the idea of a safe and sane Fourth of July. Our children must never suffer such a tragedy. SEPTEMBER 15.-Distinction! Who said that a potato is incapable of distinction? I have been selected as one of the best po- tatoes to be saved for seed next year. Blood will tell! Tomorrow we are to be placed in the bin in the cellar, there to stay all the long winter. Of course, we shall miss the out of doors and our associations will not be of the highest, perhaps, for we will be obliged to content ourselves with cellar beings. SEPTEMBER 25.-We have tried to or- ganize a cellar club. Mrs. Pickled Beet was very sour in her manner when we ask- ed her to join us. She simply gave a gur- gle in her jar. Perhaps the cook put in too much vinegar. JANUARY 24.-It's been a long winter. We did liven up a bit at a party the other day. We were honored by the presence of Mr. Sweet Potato. Spending the win- ter in a sand box has made him so gritty that he asked Miss Peach, the belle of the ball, for several dances. The Bartletts came in pairs, so there was no unevenness of couples. When Mr. Blackberry ap- peared he was given a Raspberry. We did not invite the empty jars. We have grown used to stupidity but not to complete emp- tiness. Mr. Home Brew we considered too dangerous a guest because of his volatile nature. Nor could we think of asking Miss Jam for fear of having a crowd. At one time in a conversation the pickles be- came so sharp that they made the pota- toes' eyes water, but on the whole a good time was had by all. FEBRUARY 28.-This is the last of our winter. Tomorrow we begin our dormant period, which we'll extend through March. I wonder if I'll sprout at the end of that time. A woman could hardly ask for long- er time to make up her mind. Well, here's for a good nap. Perhaps I'll have a dream that will decide the matter.