Yale University - Sheffield Scientific School Yearbook (New Haven, CT)

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470 HISTORY OF 1916 S. BILL Cshooting himself in the armj : How disgustingly old fashioned. But who's this one? IIIONTY Ctaking a drink of absinthej : 4'Oh, I found her down on Chapel Street. BILL Qsnufling some cokej : How many does that make? MONTY Qtaking a drink of ginj: Forty-six. Pretty good record, I say. Both rush over and drink out of the barrel of beer. Enter Roscoe, the tutor. He is a ine young man-an instructor of mathematics. All instructors of mathematics are ine young men. The author of this play was an instructor of mathematics. BILL Qseeing himj : Blankety blank blank Hit What the hell do you want? 37 in 2,12 I P.-a WFT!!! ,J IW' 2 f E' 'W - FQ' n Q. 2 f I i- :A ...mu EE R E I-gum-I Zi' 'U Iv ' 'Ab , ,. N is b El: 2- -ax?,,... ', I ff Q W 5 ' Iifli' '75 . f? Q J Q F HQ Ig? ' ' ' I . 5 5 .K W . 4 ., , B m, ' Scene from Act I of The Ice Cart Rosoon Cin fine manly tonesj : I had an engagement to tutor you this evening. BILL Qbusiness of cursingj : HI don't feel like tutoring this evening. Here's S500 for the time. Now get the hell out of here. Roscomz Ah, no, my poor young man, I will stay with you and lead you from these paths of vice. MONTY Ctaking a drink of ginj : Soak him, Bill. They both leap upon him and batter him into insensibility. After throwing his quivering carcass outside the door, they fill two glasses with absinthe and dance around the roulette table singing, '4Drunk Last Night' '

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TEN BEERS IN JAIL 469 any Wonder that the true student cannot learn to love Keats when surrounded by such scenes? C85 Not only is the serious attitude toward study lacking among the students but also among the professors. There is a certain professor in Sheff who so far forgets the dignity of learning as to insert into his lectures sundry japes and jests, often of a disgustingly coarse character. Indeed, I fail to see how such a jest as the one concerning the offspring of a married bug can in any Way elevate or improve the mind. Not that all humor should be suppressed in the class room. On the contrary, I have often set my mathematics classes into gales of laughter by relating the story of Dr. Johnson who, being assailed by some vulgar Women, told them that they were parallelopipedons. How different is such clean laughter from that raised by the discussion of the marital relations of an insect! SCENE FROM HTHE ICE CARTH OR 'AWINTER ON THE VVATER-WAGON ' ' The curtain rises disclosing the room of Bill Viper and Montmorency Zoolak. It is a typical college room. The Walls are covered with coarse pictures. In the left-hand corner of the room stands a tub of absinthe, in the right a barrel of beer. The two other corners of the room are graced by kegs of Whiskey and gin respectively. On the right there is a fire- place half full of burned text books, and on the mantel an opium smoking outit. In the center of the room there is a roulette table. Bill and Monty are discovered seated in Morris chairs. Monty is looking at a picture. BILL Ctaking a drink of absinthej : Wlio's the jane, Monty? MONTY Ctaking a drink of whiskeyj : L'il friend of mine. BILL Ctaking a drink of ginj : Not the kid you had up at the Prom? I MONTY Ctaking a drink of beerj: I-Iell no. That Was only my fiancee. She's all right to marry or take to the Prom but she's too damn good for company. She doesnlt even chew. Says she thinks it's unladylikc to chew tobacco.

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TEN BEERS IN JAIL 471 FRATERNITY There is invariably something evil at the bottom of every secret organization. The fraternities at Yale are evil. They must be so. No one who has ever heard them sing could doubt it. C113 Yale fraternities have as their chief purpose, pleasure. Their members are always bent on pleasure. They march at night through the snow, they stand in the rain and sing, they pay dues. Could anything be more luxurious? C125 Among the members of a fraternity all things are common property. They like to have it this Way. Any fraternity man will tell you of his inexpressible joy on finding out that his roommate has departed taking his dress suit and overcoat With him.. If he had Wanted to use them himself he would have been only more happy. They also smoke each other's pipes, thus destroying indi- viduality. It is a Well-known fact that if you take a, strong suck of another man's pipe you are likely to acquire some of his individuality. Their custom of doing one another 's work, which is so com- mon among them, also destroys self-reliance. Each month one is deputized to do the French, one the German, etc. At the beginning of each term one of their number is selected who shall commit all the murders for the society during the ensuing term. This seems to be overdoing it. What can a man ever amount to who never even has to commit his own murders? C135 Alas! that youth should thus depart, Wasted in tintinabulating efflorescence. Wliy should I exercise my brain, Or what amounts to that In thinking thoughts such as I think? IfVhat boots it if I live or die? It will be seen that these questions, especially the latter are practically unanswerable. -ROBERT YVILLIAMS