YMCA Night Law School - Triangle Yearbook (Cincinnati, OH)

Page 58 text:

,' Q. K I ., -'4f-rN1.- Attired in his new suit and with a bundle under his arm, Fee Simple boarded the hlail Hack, which carried him to town and High School. By special arrangement, he was able to complete the required course in three years, and by borrowing a small sum of money was able to take a short Commercial course. On completion of this course, he received in answer to an appli- cation, a request that he call for an interview. On complying with this request, he was taken into a private office and there caused to disclose many secrets af his past life. This third degree, to which the Spanish Inquisition was mild in comparison, wound up by Fee being given a pencil and notebook and required to take a letter which contained words and phrases that were as strange to him as was the language of the Zulus. To invent shorthand characters and keep up with the dictation simultaneously is impossible with the student stenographerg consequently the letter was a hopeless muddle. You can imagine his surprise when he was told to report for duty the following week. He left the oflcice without his hat, feeling that at last he had the World by its caudal appendage. Thus Fee Simple became a railway clerk, which position he held with credit for a period of three years. After being employed as such for about a year he began to realize that his chances for getting ahead in this field were exceedingly slim, as the most of his fellow employees had been with the company for years and those who held superior positions appeared to be in good health, Fee felt that it. would be useless to stick around with the hope that a better position would open up, causa mortis. Further, the old ambition to be a lawyer was asserting itself, and could not be smothered. It has been aptly said that he that hath ambition has one foot in hell,', and it appeared to Fee Simple that this was especially true where the victim of ambition was pursuing an occupation that was so far removed from ambi- .tion's aim. So he resigned his position as clerk and took up the study of law. And thus my story, being written about a Law Student who is still in school, must end here, contrary to the conventional manner of ending stories with the death of the villain, the making of millions by the hero and subsequent marriage to the heroine, etc. Should you, a few years hence, see the following on a plate glass window: FEE SIMPLE Attorney at Law walk in and hear the rest of the story from the lips of hir. Simple himself. The End 57

Page 57 text:

'N ,g If ghw - .-rzfgytg-. tE4TT?t - lVhen Fee Simple was about ten or twelve years of age he and a school chum, both having heard the ca.ll of the wild, left school at morning recess and sought the wide open spaces. Late that night, the call of hunger proving stronger than the call of the wild, they returned to their respective homes. Fee noticed a stern look on his father's face, and what was more ominous, a fresh selection of peach tree switches on the mantel. Fee did some quick thinking. There was only one way to mitigate damages, so he retired to his room in the attic to prepare for the worst, which was not long in making its appearance. Simon called his errant son, and without. further ado, proceeded to give him the licking of his young life. At the first stroke Fee let out a howl that sounded very much like Israel mourning for its first born, the tears falling like an April shower. After the chastisement, he again retired to the attic and there removed three suits of heavy underwear, two pairs of pants, four shirts and a Bouvier's Dictionary. The New Girl moved into the neighborhood and took a seat across the aisle from Fee. He immediately took a new interest in life and astonished his mother by offering to wash his neck himself. Soon a decided slump in revenue derived from the poultry was experienced, and upon investigation it was discovered that young Fee was purloining the product of the hennery and trading same for apples, oranges and candy at the store at Nubloin Center, which articles he was bestowing upon the lady of his choice. The Smith boy had long been making sheep's eyes at the New Girl, but while the fruit and candy lasted he did not have a Chinaman's chance. He was unable to alienate the fair one's affections even by permitting her to chew his gum. During the period Fee Simple was tolerated in the elementary schools, he learned a lesson which proved invaluable to him in later years, but this lesson was not derived from books. One day while out hunting, he found a hole in the ground, which, prima facie, was the domicile of Br'er Rabbit. YVith visions of rabbit hash, he procured a long stick and began poking in the hole, at the same time, as was his wont, allowing his lower jaw to sag down from its better half some two or three inches. It so happened that Br'er Rabbit had just recently been disseised of his freehold by one Nfr. Skunk, who upon perceiving himself disturbed in the peaceful enjoy- ment of his property, at once brought an action in ejectment, which gained speedier relief than was ever granted by any court of justice. Feeis eyes, mouth and nose received a generous charge of the world's most potent stink. He rolled over and over, praying for death, but death was withheld by an unkind Providence. He started groping his way home, finding himself shunned as though he were a leper. His mother refused him admission, requiring that he go to the barn, take a bath in the horse trough, and make a complete change of clothes. Since this episode, on being kidded about the size of his nose, Fee Simple replied that he learned at an early date to keep it out of other people's business, thus giving it a chance to grow. Eventually Fee was ready to attend High School, which was some fifteen miles away. New clothes had to be purchased, and with that in mind he trapped, shelled walnuts and did odd jobs for the neighbors until he had accumulated the sum of 551200, half of which was given to an enterprising vendor of Jewish Hardware as payment in full on one Full-peg suit of clothes, at least two sizes too large. VVhile the suit was being Htted, the merchant, by taking up the slack with his hands as Fee was examining the fit in the back, and vice versa when he was looking at himself in the mirror from the front, made Fee believe he was a second Lord Chesterfield, and the suit was borne away in triumph. ' 56

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O .5 ,SX fs, x ,S x'c ' 3: :'2c3355Igt, An act cloes not make fthe doe? of itj guilty, unless the mind be guilty. 58