Worcester Polytechnic Institute - Peddler Yearbook (Worcester, MA)

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REVIEW OF G. WASHINGTON LITTLE HATCHET Being the thesis of one of the February graduates (six months course, Mechanical Department, connected with the Institute of Industrial Science). All calculations made by the metric system to conform to the Whitworth Standard Gauges. From everlasting to everlasting; from that remote period when Plymouth Rock landed on this planet, to the time when the rice fields of the tropics shall wave in glorious beauty and promise around the north pole; from ages upon ages before the great American Bird was hatched, or sulphur discovered, to eternities beyond the time when the great scandal shall have been buried in the past, and the uses of sulphuric acid forgotten, this grand old hatchet has been and will be in existence. For, don’t you know that nothing can perish, that matter dissolves in one form only to assume another? Hey? Isn’t that what the “exact science” of chemistry has taught us? If not, let us suppose a case: Let P kilograms represent the space of past time, K billometers the future time, and 1 cu. m. the whole time. Then, since P and K are univalent, we have P kilograms + K billometers = 1 cu. m. But a cubic meter is bigger than a billogram, anywhere, and hence this is absurd, — that is, chemistry is right. Why, if this tool hadn’t been, do you dare for an instant to think that young G.W. would have had the nerve to tell his beloved parents that he didn’t touch those grapes? Do you think that A. Holman would have been alive to-day to carry “heavy trains of thought” into our midst? No! Seven hundred and sixty millimeters times NO! I tell you he would long ago have “thrown up the sponge,” declared himself utterly unable to “go one better”, and laid himself sleepily in the grave, unknown, and totally devoid of renown. Yes, both of them. The dear little hatchet was well proportioned, strongly knit, and possessed a very evenly balanced temperament. The length of its handle was something remarkable, and exactly in the inverse proportion to the distance from corner to corner of the cutting edge, and the width of the blade. It had a stroke of 18 ft. 9 in., a cutting capacity equal to double the sarcasm of the most satirical remarks ever directed toward Tech. Its specific gravity was very nearly 8.432769. It has never been found around loose in more than two states, which are neither allotrophic not any kind of a-morphous, but those of Maryland and Virginia. Its handle was electro-positive, while its blade and back were electro-negative, which satisfactorily explains the close connection between the two. It entered readily into an engagement with most substances when plied with a resolute will. From the first, it had a very marked affinity for cherry trees. For this reason especially, was it prized and petted by the whole family (G. W.’s), — aye, by the whole nation which is his offspring. With this hatchet, G. W. chopped the ice out of the Delaware river, by which patriotic deed, the continental forces were enabled to make the crossing which resulted in the ever memorable surprise and capture of Ticonderoga by Col. Ethan Warren at Stony Point. With this noble old instrument were cut the poles upon which rested the stagings in the building of Bunker Hill monument; with it was dressed out the timber for Guilford Court House and the Old South Church, since used for a post office. When we look back over the past of the hatchet and of our nation, for they are one and inseparable; when we think of the daring deeds that have been performed with it; when we realize that but for it we might never have known the blessedness of truth and liberty as inculcated in the interests of the country; when we look forward and seem to see in the dim distance the time when this great and growing people shall sling ’the scepter of power over all, and extend to all the noble influences aroused by it (we mean the hatchet); we forget who and what we are, we jump on a rail fence, we climb the tallest trees in the forests, we appear before all classes, all people, at all times and under all circum¬ stances, shouting “Glory, honor and peace, immeasurable, uncontrovertable and everlasting be to this immortal old HATCHET. THE ANTENNA 1875

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BOARD OF EDITORS AFTERMATH 1896 FACULTY AFTERMATH 1894

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Philip Merrill, Gilbert W. Miller, Charles F. Moore, • • • • Civil. Please, I’m Punk Merrill, and I want to graduate to get away from West’s voice. Punk decided to honor the world with his presence some 23 years ago or so, but was never heard of until the fall of ’96, when he said goodbye to his rosy-cheeked country girl, and came to the great city to attend the W.P.I. He was one of Needham’s fast friends, and at one time we thought he was going to Africa as Needham’s running mate, in converting the Boers. Punk, or “Poonck” as West says, is a firm admirer of Willie Nutt, and under the latter’s guidance delivered a moving debate on self-government in colleges, and urged the adoption of the honor system at Tech. The last half of his sojourn here, was spent cheering Pa’s solitude, and getting Cotterill’s Mechanics renewed at the library. Was a wiz in the lab, but thought the mechanics ought to do the dirty work, and doesn’t know a ten inch foot-rule from a left-handed monkey- wrench. • • • • Mechanic. Gib is our representative from Westfield, the town where they grow tobacco; which accounts for his never smoking. He was an Assistant Editor on the Journal during our Junior year, is now Editor-in-Chief, and in addition is a member of the illustrious “Aftermath Board of 1900.’’ Was avoided one term as Treasurer of the class, but otherwise has been one of our most popular men. Gib is a quiet and innocent looking chap, but looks are deceiving. His motto is, “When angry count ten; when very angry, swear.” He never counts ten. Is a good performer on the piano, and is equally at home playing either a ragtime or a dirge. Has always hung out down on Highland Street, and was thought to know too much about bonfires at one time, but escaped as we were Freshman. • • • • Mechanic. Ah! Skinny, the wizard from Concord, N.H. Known throughout the land for the force of his arguments. Electricity was his hobby and since the catalogue didn’t stipu¬ late enough hours, Skinny took a few extra lab experiments each week. “Waal, now, I don’t just see that.” Was once a member of the Mutual Aid, but is now serving the city by seeing that the Public Library doesn’t run away nights. Helped Trilby run the financial part of this book. When Moore first came to us, his vocabulary was limited, but a few years at Tech have greatly enriched it. Is another one of our bright men, and can show whole rows of A’s. Skinny never had time for foot-ball, though every one knows he is an elegant kicker. AFTERMATH 1900