Woodward High School - Boomer Yearbook (Woodward, OK)

Page 24 text:

THE BOOMER ■NMMNHMHMI Gerald noted that this august personage never spoke unless spoken to and marvelled accordingly. The giraffe and its rider were closely followed by Fraulein Toews who was stealing sly glances at Kaiser W illielm II. She appeared to be extremely well acquainted with the German Emperor and the two were talking together in low, confidential tones. Since their talk was so exclusively German as to preclude all possibility of anyone else understanding them, it was not known whether they were plotting to blow up the school house with nitro-glycerine or were merely making love. Why, howdy, everybody,” chirped Miss Lawhead, Van anyl ody tell me when Nero was president of the United Stales?’ Oh,” was the universal groan, please don’t begin that sort of thing.” Bang! one section of Miss Lawhead’s anatomy crashed to the floor. (She was built in sections just as are many book-eases and each section was numbered as: I B. C.; 0: 1 A. 1).: 2 A. L). and so on up to 1917 A. D.) Excuse me while I pick up myself.” said the owner of the section as she hurriedly replaced the on foot division. ” ou see 1 can't afford to lose part of myself as I grow only one foot annually.” I wish I could do thut well,” piped up Herr Krounick from his lofty seat. Miss lawhead did not have time to reply, as amiable, docile Miss Roberts put in her appearance. She was attired in a beautiful evening gown of white lace, covered with blotted, tear-spattered English Comps.” This instructor and her friend, Miss Pelton were surrounded by a large group of polite, but ardent admirers. There were awkward, wheezing, blinking Sam Johnson, simple Sir Roger, Wordsworth, Longfellow, Poe. Milton and a host of others, yet shy William, the bard of bards. talked to them in the most endearing tones ol all and they did not even protest when he slipped one arm gently about the slender waist of each. Johnson, despairing, pulled Shakespeare's ear at which the latter only laughed and walked a little faster. I.astl the Superintendent of the school came bustling in and shouted in a loud voice: Well, isn’t it time for the ball to begin? Gi e us more light, Mr. Ilubbcll.” Mr. Hubbell slowly reached in his pocket and drew forth a handful of sleepy fireflies who, upon being released, flew lazliy about the room, giving forth an abundance of light. Fine,' said Mr. Wakefield. ' Miss I .aw head, you- call the fiddl-ers and Mis9 Toews, the dancers.” The spinster lifted up her voice and cried: Come vou fiddlers full of glee. And dancers also thirty and three. Come right quickly Or you'll hear from me. f In trooped a pair ot locusts and nine crickets followed by thirty-three ol the gaxest butterflies to be found in Woodward County. The fiddlers tuned up in a hurry and sixteen couples of butterflies stepped out on the }M lishcd floor. They slid around on their toes at an aw ful rate and before they finishc ! they had danced the one-step, two-step, three-step and so on up to the thirty-third step which was their limit: also the Hesitation, Boston dip. Tango, Fox-trot, Turkey-trot, Dogtrot and Horse-trot, as well os the Waltz. Cake-walk, Clog and Jig. They slid around at a particularly pleasing rate while a perfect round of applause greeted their efforts. But alas, two of the beautiful creatures liad theic toes mashed, three had their dresses torn and four died from the excessive pressure of their partner’s arm on their backs. Yet the ball was pro- 1917 20

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 !;' r : : ■ ■ ' ■ HIIIIHMilllfYii fill I RRrHNf llVflttl Ulli.1.mililWlili Hill! I illllliiSflllHill1! ,l!;l.lMtdM 0-!llir. THE BOOMER did not know, when he beheld a strange and weird spectacle. Professor W. T. Crosswhite, height variously estimated between six and ten feet, instructor in general science and physics as well as Principal of the High School, stuck his head in at the door and, seeing no one but Cerald there, entered. He carried in his left hand a huge white cross of purest ivory which was brilliantly illuminated every two seconds by myriads of tiny electric lights the size of a button. On the transverse bar of the cross was engraved this injunction: Kindly stand on tiptoe when you speak to me.” Two large compound microscopes were now turned toward Gerald, who perceived that the unfortunate man had no other eyes than these. But his ears were even more interesting. He had none. In their place, however, were two long, thin glass tubes half filled with water: suspended above these weie two brass tuning lorks: one 28 vibrations per second to catch low sounds; the other 40% vibrations per second to catch high sounds. Each tube was duly labelled, ‘‘Resonator of the first class.” Having examined Gerald to his satisfaction. Professor W. T.. with the accent on the T., opened his mouth to speak. But no words came forth, only sweet music, such as the screech owl produces. Gerald sat up in surprise. Why Professor,” he exclaimed, “the inside of your mouth is a j erfect network of strings.” •‘Yes,” came the slow response, in musical syllables, “eighteen tons tension.” Gerald gasped. Can’t you take them out. pluck out vour eyes and ears and get some real ones in their place?” -No” was the nervous reply. 1 am doomed to appear thus because of the subjects I teach. So it is with all the Faculty. Don’t you see that this cross is glued to my hand, as it were, by a special kind of magnet. I can never lay it down night or day. I have been sick of the sight of it for a long time.” •‘It’s beautiful,” said Gerald. “1 don’t think so,” was the slow rejoiner. “I do,” cried Mr. Hubbell, who now entered with his wife. ‘‘My wife always did admire ivory crosses.” Gerald opened his mouth in astonishment. The husband of Mrs. Hubbell was sadly altered in appearance. An enumeration of his parts wonld read as follows: Head—an immense sphere of solid ebony, radius 440 yards. Diameter, 880 yards. Eves—blue and white cylinders. Nose—truncated prism. Mouth—an enormous lune which maintained at all times a soothing grin. Ears—elipses. Hair—forest of yellow lines all perpendicular to the same plane. Neck—a black, short, thick cylinder. Arms and legs—huge, hollow cylinders filled with a clear substance resembling the white of an egg but being in rralits rattlesnake’s poison according to one of his many formulas. Connecting links between arms and legs—large parallel pipeds. Ornaments around neck—graphs of quadratic equations. 'I’his extraordinary individual glowered only when addressed by his beloved wife and even then bis perpetual grin was not effaced. Three pairs of eyes—W. T.’s, HubbelTs and Hubbell’s wife’s—were suddenly turned toward the door to greet a new arrival. The right, honorable, Herr Frounick, mounted on the bead of a giraffe, was solemnly perusing a Latin and a German book, one with his right optic and one with his left. He wore a damp, shining pompadour, blue spectacles, tan shoes and a spotless, dustless, green suit. His gentle steed carried in his mouth a conspicuous advertisement: ALL DESIRING WISDOM See HERR ROSS FROUNICK Charge—one witty remark 1111 ISIIillai ll!li . ].li;lilllllllii!:ll|,1i HH'IIIIUm t.llli Itli ill! 1917 19

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THE BOOMER |'| mm. nounced a derided success and many were the compliments they received on their trade-last plan. The refreshments, consisting of whipped cream and cheese wafers, were served by Miss Otting clad in a bright orange apron. Delicious” attested Mr. Frounick as he smacked his lips. It was almost morning when the ball broke up and one by one the guests departed. First. Crosswhite and his white cross, then Mr. Hubbcl and his wife, Herr Frounick and the Girafle, Fraulein Toews and the Kaiser, Miss Lawhead, Misses Roberts and Pelton, Miss Otting and her apron and lastly Mr. Wakefield. And behold, it was all a dream. Gerald was suddenly and rudely awakened by the noisy tramp of his school-mates. Well Gerald, it doesn’t pay to study so hard, does it V No,” said Gerald calmly, but it does pay to know how the Faculty really look.” E. W. S. ’17. -- 21