Woodward High School - Boomer Yearbook (Woodward, OK)

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 !;' r : : ■ ■ ' ■ HIIIIHMilllfYii fill I RRrHNf llVflttl Ulli.1.mililWlili Hill! I illllliiSflllHill1! ,l!;l.lMtdM 0-!llir. THE BOOMER did not know, when he beheld a strange and weird spectacle. Professor W. T. Crosswhite, height variously estimated between six and ten feet, instructor in general science and physics as well as Principal of the High School, stuck his head in at the door and, seeing no one but Cerald there, entered. He carried in his left hand a huge white cross of purest ivory which was brilliantly illuminated every two seconds by myriads of tiny electric lights the size of a button. On the transverse bar of the cross was engraved this injunction: Kindly stand on tiptoe when you speak to me.” Two large compound microscopes were now turned toward Gerald, who perceived that the unfortunate man had no other eyes than these. But his ears were even more interesting. He had none. In their place, however, were two long, thin glass tubes half filled with water: suspended above these weie two brass tuning lorks: one 28 vibrations per second to catch low sounds; the other 40% vibrations per second to catch high sounds. Each tube was duly labelled, ‘‘Resonator of the first class.” Having examined Gerald to his satisfaction. Professor W. T.. with the accent on the T., opened his mouth to speak. But no words came forth, only sweet music, such as the screech owl produces. Gerald sat up in surprise. Why Professor,” he exclaimed, “the inside of your mouth is a j erfect network of strings.” •‘Yes,” came the slow response, in musical syllables, “eighteen tons tension.” Gerald gasped. Can’t you take them out. pluck out vour eyes and ears and get some real ones in their place?” -No” was the nervous reply. 1 am doomed to appear thus because of the subjects I teach. So it is with all the Faculty. Don’t you see that this cross is glued to my hand, as it were, by a special kind of magnet. I can never lay it down night or day. I have been sick of the sight of it for a long time.” •‘It’s beautiful,” said Gerald. “1 don’t think so,” was the slow rejoiner. “I do,” cried Mr. Hubbell, who now entered with his wife. ‘‘My wife always did admire ivory crosses.” Gerald opened his mouth in astonishment. The husband of Mrs. Hubbell was sadly altered in appearance. An enumeration of his parts wonld read as follows: Head—an immense sphere of solid ebony, radius 440 yards. Diameter, 880 yards. Eves—blue and white cylinders. Nose—truncated prism. Mouth—an enormous lune which maintained at all times a soothing grin. Ears—elipses. Hair—forest of yellow lines all perpendicular to the same plane. Neck—a black, short, thick cylinder. Arms and legs—huge, hollow cylinders filled with a clear substance resembling the white of an egg but being in rralits rattlesnake’s poison according to one of his many formulas. Connecting links between arms and legs—large parallel pipeds. Ornaments around neck—graphs of quadratic equations. 'I’his extraordinary individual glowered only when addressed by his beloved wife and even then bis perpetual grin was not effaced. Three pairs of eyes—W. T.’s, HubbelTs and Hubbell’s wife’s—were suddenly turned toward the door to greet a new arrival. The right, honorable, Herr Frounick, mounted on the bead of a giraffe, was solemnly perusing a Latin and a German book, one with his right optic and one with his left. He wore a damp, shining pompadour, blue spectacles, tan shoes and a spotless, dustless, green suit. His gentle steed carried in his mouth a conspicuous advertisement: ALL DESIRING WISDOM See HERR ROSS FROUNICK Charge—one witty remark 1111 ISIIillai ll!li . ].li;lilllllllii!:ll|,1i HH'IIIIUm t.llli Itli ill! 1917 19

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MMMnnmHvfliaiuinamiiuMu THE BOOMER mnmmmmmmmmmmnmmmm THE FACULTY BALL Gerald Root. Junior, slowlx lilted his eves Irom the text which he had been devouring, ami gave a |»eree|»!ihle start. The shades of night had fallen and it was now dark outside. In fact lie had been straining his eyes lor some time without realizing it. He jerked out his Ingersoll: “Ten minutes after seven.” he muttered. “Great Scott. I've forgotten all about supper.” Gerald was not in the habit of committing such a serious error but the exams were to be held tomorrow and be scorned anything less than the highest mark. He bad been studying in the language room and had been so intent on his work that he had not noticed the swift flight of time. 'Phis room was seldom occupied after school hours even bv the teachers and that was just the reason he had chosen it, for he hated distracting noises and interruptions. He grabbed his books and made for the door. His heart gave a jump when he turned the knob but luckily the instructor. who was absent minded, bad neglected to lock it. Gerald stepped into the hall and took the stairs three steps at a time, whistling as he went. Quickly reaching the main flooi he unhesitatingly started to walk out but a strong oak door, secured with stern looking bolts, stood between him and freedom. A perplexed look stole over his face as he gave the door another shove. “Confound it,” he ejaculated, “guess I can’t get out of here.” He ran to the west door, a worried look on his face. This door gave him a little more encouragement since by throwing his light Irame against it he was able to see two inches of dim light. But this only mocked him as more strong iron now forbade further progress. He tried each of the four entrances in turn hut all in vain. He was becoming desperate. He oj»ened one of the w indow . in the auditorium and looked down. Forty feel of almost perpendicular stone wall. It would he foolhardy to ri k his life by jumping out there. If only the doors to the basement rooms were not loeked and he could have aceess to those windows, escape would he easy. He hurried down there hut they were unyielding just as he had expected. The |M saibility of using the phone now flashed across his mind and lie ran lo tin Principal's office only to be disappointed once more. “The fire escape! That would he just the thing.” thought Gerald, and with a brighter face hastened thither. Poor hoy. it had been broken by a recent storm of terrific intensity and owing to shameful carelessness had not yet been repaired. His last hope gone, bis face took on a blank, an ry look. Must be stay in this school building all night? Such a thought was maddening for was there not a Junior-Senior reception that night and did he not expect to go? Furthermore, had he not promised to take....., his best friend? He strode angrily about for awhile, again testing all the places he had tested betore, refusing to relieve his senses. The moon bad now risen and so had the wind: the floor creaked and groaned, the doors and windows rattled and the moon cast fitful, ghostlike shadows on the wall. Gerald was angry and though not afraid felt none too comfortable. Nine, ten. eleven were slowly ticked away by the big clock in the hall. He was sleepy and tired and out-of-sorts generally. He took off his coat, made it serve as a pillow and stretched himself out on the hard floor. Gerald had lain there for several hours, just how long he 1917 i, 1»

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THE BOOMER ■NMMNHMHMI Gerald noted that this august personage never spoke unless spoken to and marvelled accordingly. The giraffe and its rider were closely followed by Fraulein Toews who was stealing sly glances at Kaiser W illielm II. She appeared to be extremely well acquainted with the German Emperor and the two were talking together in low, confidential tones. Since their talk was so exclusively German as to preclude all possibility of anyone else understanding them, it was not known whether they were plotting to blow up the school house with nitro-glycerine or were merely making love. Why, howdy, everybody,” chirped Miss Lawhead, Van anyl ody tell me when Nero was president of the United Stales?’ Oh,” was the universal groan, please don’t begin that sort of thing.” Bang! one section of Miss Lawhead’s anatomy crashed to the floor. (She was built in sections just as are many book-eases and each section was numbered as: I B. C.; 0: 1 A. 1).: 2 A. L). and so on up to 1917 A. D.) Excuse me while I pick up myself.” said the owner of the section as she hurriedly replaced the on foot division. ” ou see 1 can't afford to lose part of myself as I grow only one foot annually.” I wish I could do thut well,” piped up Herr Krounick from his lofty seat. Miss lawhead did not have time to reply, as amiable, docile Miss Roberts put in her appearance. She was attired in a beautiful evening gown of white lace, covered with blotted, tear-spattered English Comps.” This instructor and her friend, Miss Pelton were surrounded by a large group of polite, but ardent admirers. There were awkward, wheezing, blinking Sam Johnson, simple Sir Roger, Wordsworth, Longfellow, Poe. Milton and a host of others, yet shy William, the bard of bards. talked to them in the most endearing tones ol all and they did not even protest when he slipped one arm gently about the slender waist of each. Johnson, despairing, pulled Shakespeare's ear at which the latter only laughed and walked a little faster. I.astl the Superintendent of the school came bustling in and shouted in a loud voice: Well, isn’t it time for the ball to begin? Gi e us more light, Mr. Ilubbcll.” Mr. Hubbell slowly reached in his pocket and drew forth a handful of sleepy fireflies who, upon being released, flew lazliy about the room, giving forth an abundance of light. Fine,' said Mr. Wakefield. ' Miss I .aw head, you- call the fiddl-ers and Mis9 Toews, the dancers.” The spinster lifted up her voice and cried: Come vou fiddlers full of glee. And dancers also thirty and three. Come right quickly Or you'll hear from me. f In trooped a pair ot locusts and nine crickets followed by thirty-three ol the gaxest butterflies to be found in Woodward County. The fiddlers tuned up in a hurry and sixteen couples of butterflies stepped out on the }M lishcd floor. They slid around on their toes at an aw ful rate and before they finishc ! they had danced the one-step, two-step, three-step and so on up to the thirty-third step which was their limit: also the Hesitation, Boston dip. Tango, Fox-trot, Turkey-trot, Dogtrot and Horse-trot, as well os the Waltz. Cake-walk, Clog and Jig. They slid around at a particularly pleasing rate while a perfect round of applause greeted their efforts. But alas, two of the beautiful creatures liad theic toes mashed, three had their dresses torn and four died from the excessive pressure of their partner’s arm on their backs. Yet the ball was pro- 1917 20