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Page 26 text:
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Twenty-four THE WILSON CITIZEN Krazy Kweries Dear Faith Faithless: What can be clone for Robert Hartman? Whenever he drives me in his car he seems to think he is in an airplane, usiii.t; the steering wheel for a control stick, and flying all over the road. Just a (iirl. Answer: I would advise him to drive with both hands, and to use his head a little. It ' s hard enough to stand the strain. Faith dear: I wonder if you can tell me what Mary Volf will be doing ten years from now. I often ask her and never receive an answer. M. B. V. Answer: She probably won ' t have, any future as far as occupation is concerned. Perhaps she has a male friend waitinv around the corner to snatch her up as soon as she is old enough and nut ii school. Then little Mary ' s future will end up They lived happily ever after. But, of course, you couldn ' t expect her to tell you that. Dear Faith: What do ynu suggest to cure Willis Uhlman of his Ijashfulness? Should he use rouge to cover his blushes? Curious. Answer: Sorry, but it ' s incurable. The rouge might not match, which would be just too bad. He ' d better get liquid powder and learn to paint with it. Dear Faith Faithless: Alberta . le. - ander must be planning to become a preacher judging from the way she has been practising lately. Wouldn ' t she get all tangled up, as she always talks with her hands? It would be terrible if she couldn ' t get them apart. 1 lopeless. Answer: Your question shows thought- fulness. Her use of her hands is a haliit, for she often has to talk to Wallace H. that W3.y when her Hps aren ' t free. . s {or becoming a preacher, 1 think she will forget about that, when she has been a target for ancient eggs, sad bananas, and so forth a few times. She will probably end up on the audeville stage, for which her talents fit her admirably. Dear Faith Faithless: My friend is going to leave me in February. I shall be broken-hearted. What shall I do to mend it? I thank -ou. J. R. . -Ynswer: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, so they say. I can think of but one thing to prevent her departure, however. It would be logical for you to catch the measles, in- vite her to visit you, and when the doctor found her there, I don ' t think that you would be parted very soon. Don ' t get the three-day variety, how- ever, as they don ' t last more than about a week. You can ' t always believe in names. Dear Faith: It has been three years since I heard from Frieda Rinke. She decided to go to East instead of Aca- demy, but I can ' t find her down there. Please advise me how to locate her. Worried Friend. Answer: Instead of East, she went West. Scour the ranches in New Mexico, and I think you will find her milking cows. By now she must be an expert at it. Dear Faith Faithless: My friend, Dora Mae, thinks that with suitable training she might become president of the United States, as she got such a good start at Wilson. In what year will she fill the office? M. S. Answer: Your friend, indeed, has a chance of becoming president. If you live and wait patiently until the year of 1991, you perhaps will be permitted to call on her at the White House. You never can tell, however: she may be- come high hat by then. Dear Faith Faithless: My friend, A , is always chewing gum. And when she chews it she makes a terrible noise. It annoys every one around her. In the movie every one walks out, as all think it a cracking in the Vitaphone. How can she stop the ni lise ? M. I. S. Answer: I ' m afraid the unfortunate folks around had better provide them- selves with ear muffs. If she can per- form marvels with gum, why not get her into the circus, and thus relieve the suffering population?
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Page 25 text:
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THE WILSON CITIZEN Twenty-three Jokes Nora F. (riding in an Austin): Ooh! Look how dark it ' s getting! We must be going through a tunnel. Walter R. : No, that ' s just a ( jrey- hound Bus passing over us. New Movie List The Big Trail — Cafeteria lunch line Beau Bandit — Archie Tate Swing High — Vern Wilcox College Lovers — Donald McCain and Catherine Roney Our Blushing Brid-.s — .-Mice Snell and Mildred Hamilton The Gorilla — Andrew Friedricks Madame Satan — Martha Sorenson I ' utting on the Ritz — Kathryn Butler Whoopee — Jack Pilgrim in halls The Cock-eyed World — The world on report card day The Bad One— Waiter Reiter Naughty, but Nice — Wilbur Mosher Dentist: Well, James, you ' ll have to have an entirely new set of teeth. James Stearns: That will be O. K., but I wish you ' d patch up the old set to use as spares. Marion Crook: Why are you so anxious to sec those radio movies? Frieda R.: T just want to see if the static looks as bad as it sounds. Father: If you have no source of in- come now, how do you expect to sup- port my daughter? Carl Roth: Well, sir, you see, we figure that there ' ll be what we both save on toothpaste. Sunday School Teacher: What is meant by the saying, By their fruits ye shall know them? Archie Tate: Greeks and Italians. Fortune Teller, to Art Diefenbach, motorist: I warn you, a dark man is about to cross your path. Art: Better warn the dark man. Wibur M.: Is there anything more exasperating than to have a wife wlui can cook and won ' t? Kenneth P.: Yes — to have one who can ' t cook and will! Mr. Wallach: Archie, your mouth is open. Archie: I know it; I opened it. Lloyd W.: I have a friend who suffers terribly from the heat. William K. : Where does he live? Lloyd: He isn ' t living. (Gladys M.: So there was some hot necking at your house last night? Henriette V.: Yeah, my uncle got too near the gas-jet with his celuloid collar. Ed. Parsons: What makes this auto r .ick so? Roger Scolio: It ' s a Plymouth. Harold L. : Oh, Mr. Mehnert, I was Inlaying a mouth or,gan and swallowed it. Mr. M.: Keep calm. Harold, and be thankful you were not playing the piano. Norman S. ; I am going away for the week-end. Frances S. : Goodness, I didn ' t know you had anything wrong with your head. AI: Steve, you ' ll ruin your stomach eating all that candy. Steve D.: Oh, well, no one can notice it if I keep my vest buttoned. . nna: I hear Nora is expanding her short story into a book. Dora Mae: Yes, she says the plot is a novel idea. John H.: And how do you like the new co-eds? John F. (just home from Syracuse): Don ' t know — never drove one. Clerk: That coat fits you like a glove. Donald Morton: So I see — the sleeves cover my hands. Papa, vat is science? My, how could you be so stupid? Science is dose things wot says, ' no smoking. ' Miss Campbell: Silly, what uKjnth of the year has twenty-eight days? Jack Pilgrim: All of them. John T.: What do you do for a living? Charles W. : Nothing. John T. : Well, that ' s a pleasant job, I ' m sure. No worries attached to it. Charles: No — except I might lose it.
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