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19,10 It 'Jiri' X 951505-f, 14 53 W 4' i i7 if,-.TL 4' L if , Q as x def i JZ, ty Class Prophecy It is the thirtieth day of February, in the year of our Lord 1961. All that can be heard is a distant booming and the rushing of wind past our cauliflower ears as we spin through the stratosphere. Mr. Straub did it again! He should have known better than to drop in one place all of Mr. Atkinson's private stock of atomic bombs which he had hoarded to deal with minority groups. We alight on a shapely and curvaceous surface which we perceive to be the planet Venus. Suddenly we hear a trumpet blast announcing the entrance of his excellency, Joe Tiny Dupnik, ruler of the kingdom. Preceding King Joe are his trumpeteers, Barbara Karpe and Althea Nichols. His Majesty, after greeting us like Macbetlfs witches with a hail fstonej leads us toward the palace. Walking across the lawns, we meet Sal Pirruccio working in his greenhouse full of dandelions, witch grass and poison ivy. When asked why his specimens grow so tall fSal has to use a helicopter to water theml he replies that his daily accordion serenade is responsible. Continuing our way toward the palace we stumble over George Tynan, George Gibson and ,lim 0'Connor, deftly trimming the shamrock beds. They tell us, grin- ning, that the green grass got ,em. Nearby are Charlie Pearson and Dick Bielefield coaching the local gridiron all- stars in the art of missing tackles, which they have down to a highly technical science. Now we can see reflected in a lily pond the golden glitter of King ,loe's soy-bean castle. Sprinkling the King's synthetic rubber trees tperfected after years of research by Carl Haftelj is Alice Kensel, private secretary and chaulferette. incidentally all the royal aero-cars are bought by exclusive contract from Bob Longworth and Com- pany. He is so successful that he now has two vice-presidents, Bob Barrows and John Peplau, in charge of re-capping rubber windshield wipers. Labor diliiculties, how- ever, have appeared at Longworth, Inc. in the form of Union leaders Chester Kokozka and Clayton Hewitt, who are persuading the workers to strike with the slogan Why work with wipers which won't wash well when we want wipers which will wash weller . Because he hates to see any one unoccupied, ,loe puts us to work polishing statues of himself. He has a new one, carved every week by Beverly Mackenzie. She is also his interior decorator and is the reason for the Scotch plaid wall paper in every room. During our polishing job fwhich we take a shine toj, Alice tells about Dot Zanelli, Janet Chase, Ellie Brannack, and Emily Brisson, who come nightly to the palace to play love-songs under Joe's window. One night faccording to Alicej these courtiers fought for the hand of our gracious and petite majesty. The fracas was finally broken up by the local policewomen, Margaret Addis and Jane DiGandomenico, who after dispersing the love-makers, picked up the guitars and played to sleeping Joe themselves. King Dup invites us to visit his throne room so we follow him into a huge hall. The walls are covered with full color posters advertising Celia Koba's Specialty Shoppe where she sells bicep builders for broken-down boys. The throne in the center of the room is flanked by the court foot-guard: Frank Godwin, Don Lang, Joe Klemba, Tony Strom, Ed Bauer and Frank Smith. The guards are resplendent in pink polka- 28
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dotted baby-blue coats and red and white candy striped pants. They are armed with genuine ,lack Armstrong ray guns which cost the court treasury three box tops apiece. The glamorous outfits of the footguard were designed by Kay Cotter who earns her Pumpernickel and margarine by fashion designing. She is setting a new style with her evening gownless straps! Joe pushes his master radar button and from under the throne crawl the court jesters, Dave Beebe, Ruth Thorpe, and Betty Santoro. They dance an Irish jig on their elbows and do car stands for about twenty minours fthe unit of time on Venus corresponding to our Swiss Navy Timel. Suddenly page-girl Veronica Kozlowsky rushes in and shouts: Starting now, the Planet Fair! King Joe will crown the Venus of Venusli' Joe presses another radar button and a huge mechanical arm drags Alice into the room. The king demands of the bruised Alice the immediate readiness of his areo-car for a flight to the Fair. As we leave for the hangar-garage, we pass through the kitchen where we see the palace dietician Audrey Strickland in the midst of preparing Venusuvian Goulash t,Ioe's favoritel. At the hangar we meet Don Kavanaugh and Charlie Negrelli who overhaul and repair all the aero-cars. Naturally to do this they must wear overhaulsf' Alice can't pilot this trip because she has an appointment for a butch wave fit curls the rootsj at Ann Astle's Beauty Salon. Ann also specializes in toupees fMr. Copeland, please notelj Our pilots are those two famous aces of Universal War number thirty-seven, Paul Harmon and Howard Hoff. They shot down five thousand robot bombs each. The aero-car, we discover, is quite a speedy device -it is even faster than light. We try to see the countryside but because we have long ago outdistanced the light waves, all is darkness. We pick up a recent copy of Esquire now published by Clifton Jordan and Neil Harrington famous Figures in the illiterary world, and read an article by Bob Milardo lthe present inter-planet marbles championj about the more diliicult and exacting techniques of his sport. With a clashing of atomic powered gears, the aero-car comes to a halt. Joe leads the way and we find ourselves in the midst of a gaudy, brightly-lighted carnival. Directly in front of us is a barker barking: Step right up! Step right up! Or if you can't make the step, crawl! It's none other than Tom Bonvino clad in yellow trousers and a blue sports jacket inscribed with the words, Bonvino,s Monumental Works - we offer the 'stiffest' competition in town . Upon investigating a shrill screech we find Muriel Steinkamp sitting cross-legged in front of a pile of yawning cobras and serenading them with her tinny flute. In the crowd surrounding Muriel are Lorraine Prue and Genevieve Krieger who tell us they work overtime filing reports of the accidental deaths of income tax collectors. Joe is called to the center of the fair grounds and we sweep along in his wake. Mounting a platform he blinkingly crowns Miss Venus of Venus, Barbara Schenck, who thanks him with a kiss. After the cheering dies down, we cross the grounds to the agricultural section of the Fair. It is under the management of that gentleman farmer, Babe King, who now has some little Kings running around among the chickens and geese. Walt Manthay and Cliff Overstrom are polishing their hens' teeth and re-curling their pigs' tails to enter them in the contest sponsored by Greg Psomas' Association for the Progression of Better Beauty in Beasts. 'Joke 29 550 Q ll' jlgli x 322' A ftu' 4, , 'tgp qi Aktv f - :fi JM f fl . 4 '4i A at W . 1 ty, '7vTXv gI 'a A W fi Aff 'i 1 F v
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