Winslow High School - Eskimo Yearbook (Winslow, IN)

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4' IMNKI T0 i S e-saint . M --VMH5f A ll mi LOVELORN S1 IMA TUFF OLD BIRD ADVICE T0 W. H. S. LOVELORN AND OTHERS fBy Ima Tuff Oldbirdj Dear Miss Ima: l sm 16 and madly in love with a young man who is worth in the neighborhood of a million. Shall I tell him I love him? What do you propose? Helen Craig. Answer: Little girl, I propose that you go back to your paper dolls and mud pies and send me that young rnan's address. I have always wanted to live in anice neighbor- hood. O I I U I Dear Miss Oldbird: I can't sleep at night for worrying over my iinancial condition. What would you advise? Charles Casson. Answer: Forget it, Charles, old boy. You are probably worrying over absolutfly.n41thlng.. Dear Miss TuHy: I am terribly put out. Yesterday the butcher sold me hot dogs that were meat at one end and bread crumbs Mrs. Winifred Elliott. Answer: Don't criticize your butcher, Winnie. Remember in these hard times it is.hl1rd .to .make both ends meat. at the other. Dear Miss Ima: I'm really in Dutch with my Driving teacher, and I don't know why. All I did was tell him that I tore down town through the Saturday night traillc like a streak of lightning, hitting about sixty. Donald McQueen. Answer: Speedy, he figures that about 59 of them are going to sue your dad. fo: damages. Dear Miss Oldbird: Do you think animals are ever artistic? Please answer at once and settle this question for Home Ec. Class. Barbara Klipsch and Barbara Leilhf-Y. Answer: Well, kiddikins, I don't know whether you'd call my neighbor's old gray mare artistic or not, but many times I've seen.her draw: s.wsgon. Dear Miss Tuffy: All of my boy friends keep calling me a peach . Do you think that's all right? Elaine Thompson. Answer: Certainly, little girl. But I don't see how they can make out that you're a peach when your father and mother were a pair. . . . . . Dear Miss Oldbird: There is a certain girl in the Senior class that I want to impress. How should I go about it? I am the shy, bashful type, and I certainly need your advice. Bill Moose Morris. Answer: Moose, old man, you might sprinkle gasoline on your hankie so she'll think you own a car. That always gets the gals.. . . . . Dear Friend Ima: I just love your advice column. I am worried like everything. My doctor told me that with daily treat- ments he would have me on my feet in two weeks. Do you really think he, will? Bob Nixon. Answer: Yes, I really think so, Bob. By that time you'll have to sell your car to pay him. Dear Ima Tuff Oldbird: Mr. Burns is always asking us hard questions. Now he wants to know what lt would be if a goat swallowed a rabbit. Please answer at once. Stanley Barr. Answer: Well, pal. I'm never too good at animal puzzles, but I think it. would be athare in the butter. Dear Miss Oldbird: I am all in a dither over what happened Sunday night when I had a date-with Helen Craig. I forgot myself and tried to kiss her. Will she ever forgive me? Sammy Nelson. Answer: Sammy, you wonder boy, she will if you suc- ceeded, but never if you' di:in't. . Dear Miss Ima: Your advice- is just too, too divine. Now, please tell us what you think about this question that came up in Mrs. Thompson's English class. Can we feel colors? Charles Gieselman and Betty Thompson. Answer: Well, friends, heard my boss say yesterday that he felt blue. Isnlt feeling a color? Dear Miss Oldbird: What are two ways to avoid embarrassment when you fall on the dance floor? Bill Stevens. Answer' 113 Just lie there: they'll think you have fainted 121 Start mopping the floor with your handker- chief: they'll think you work there. lTry wearing your shoes next time, Bill. O U I U l Dear Tuffy: I'm worrying myself sick trying to decide what I ex- pect to be when I graduate. What is your advice? Harold Conley. Answer: Conley, my friend, I have given this much thought. All you can ever expect to be when you graduate is OLD. . ' . . . Dear Miss Ima: I am sorely puzzled. How should I seat my Senior Physics class for an honor system exam? Mr. Bryan Reed. Answer: At least four seats apart and in every other row. 4And then keep .your eye: openly Dear Adviser Oldbird: ' I just read in a magazine that hens frequently get dis- couraged. Please explaln this to me. Winifred Lynch. Answer: No wonder Biddy gets discouraged. She can't ever tind things where she .lay: them. Dear Miss Oldbird: What are the tive senses? Mrs. Cooper wld us to llnd out. I just adore your column. Ronald Jones. Answer: Well, according to a Freshman English paper written by Richard Evans last week they are sneezing, wheezing, hurling, pulling and yawning. He added that some folks on Saturday night have a sixth sense called hiccuping. -L9 N

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ESQUIMAUX SCHOOL PAPER STAFF BETTY THOMPSON and MARILYN MILEY, Editors 48

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ADVICE TO W. I-I. S. LOVELORN, Continued Dear Miss Oldbirdz Do you think the radio will ever replace the news- paper? Please answer at once so we can tell Mrs. Cottrell. Patricia Harper and Viola Quick. Answer: No, girls, I don't really think so. Did you ever try swatting a fly with 1:1 lgadiglt Dear Miss Tuiiy: At the carnival last night I went through the Tunnel of Love with Warren Hurt. Was that safe? Elizabeth McQueen. Answer: Yes, dearie, I think so if he took his 'cigarette out of his mouth. C 3 U 1 D Dear Ima: Do you think I should forgive Gobe Smith? He gave me a ticket for speeding, and my feelings are terribly hurt. I wasn't going 60 miles an hour, nor 50, nor 40, nor 30-nor even 20. Dixie Lee Corne. Answer: Look out now, Dixie. You'll he backing into something. 8 W U U K Dear Miss Advice Giver: What kind of a job do you think I'd be good at'I I Bob Falls. Answer: Oh, a cook by all means. You'd do first rate at shelling peas. was a gunner in the Navy. Dear Wise Tuifyz Don't you think Miss Ambrose was exaggerating a bit? Last week she told our band class that she plays the piano like Jose Iturbi. - Gordon Curtis. Answer: No, pal, I don't think she was exaggerating. She probably meant tl1at.thfy Pctl: use two hands. Dear Lady Oldbirdz Don't you think Mrs. Cooper has a funny way of Ezeaching History? Yesterday we skipped from China to ussia. Lennis Mayfield. Answer: No, podner, not queer at all. Only your feet must have been awfully tired when you got home from school. . . . . . Dear Miss Oldbirdz What would you do if you met a bear! Now, please don't say you would climb a tree, for I know that bears can climb trees. Evelyn Hume. Answer: Yes, dearie, I still say I'd climb a tree. That bear couldn't climb MY tree-it would be shaking too much. l H O U l Dear Miss Tuffy: - Mr. Smith told us in class that people shouldn't worry about the shortage of butter, for they can make it out of grass. Please explain. David Kinman. Answer: Davey, young man, that is very simple. All you need is a cow and a churn. 50 Dear Ima: Mr. Thompson has given the Freshman Biology class his recipe for success, but we can't understand it. Please explain. I-Ie said to fill your mouth with birdseed and then draw in a big breath. It's just too much for our little undernourished brains. Gloria Tooley. Answer: If you do what he says, you are bound to suck seed. Get it, cutie? U l l U H Dear Miss Tuffy: I've lost my best hound dog. What shall I do? Richard Poehlein. Answer: Why not advertise for him, old man? But, no -that wouldn't do any good. He can't read the papers either. 1 8 H U i Dear Friend Ima: Carol Taylor has decided to make up with me. Can you explain it? I am all at sea. Eugene Northerner. Answer: Thst's easy, Eugene. It's getting near Christmas time. If you're all at sea, just remember to keep your head above water. I 1 D O i Hello Ima: I recently bought a new suit, and now it has brown spots all over it. What in the world should I do? Marion Battles. Answer: Be glad, man. Be glad. They're probably rust spots. Didn't Joe Snyder tell you that suit would wear !ike iron when you bought it? Dear Ima: My dad is really up in the air over the zero Mr. Wrex Reed gave me in Typing. I don't think I deserve it. Dick Kinder. Answer: I don't either, Dick, but I'm sure it's the lowest mark Mr. Reed is allowed to give. U l l U 1 Dear Miss Oldbird: For English next Monday we have to know two words that have more letters than the whole alphabet. Help us nr we are goners! Sandra Inman and Carole Dills. Answer: Take heart, kiddies. It's post oflice. l 1 U U U Dear Miss Oldbirdz Our Biology teacher wants to know what has more feet inthe summer than in the winter. Please help us Wayne Burkhart and Richard Heck. Answer: Easy enough tellers. It's a swimming pool. O l l U 1 to make an A. Dear Miss Ima: I am thinking of rotating crops on my farm this year and am wondering if you will tell me the best way to raise strawberries. Mr. Burns. Answer: Farmer B,urns, the very best method I know of raising strawberries is with a spoon. Whipped cream also helps in the raising.