Westwood High School - Chipmunk Yearbook (Westwood, CA)

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Page Twenty-eight THE CHIPMUNK IT NEVER PAYS Two people were walking around the city of New York. They weren’t very well acquainted with the city and were looking around to amuse themselves. They went into an old bookstore that sold second-hand books. The proprietor seemed to be very old. In fact every- thing was old. As they were looking at the books they came upon a book with a queer and beautiful looking cover. They paid about a dollar for it and left. The couple were going home to read the book, when they heard a voice behind them. Then the old man of the shop caught up with them. “Give me the book,” he cried, “or I shall call the police. You can have your money back, but give me the book.” They wouldn’t give it to him because they thought the old man was playing a trick on them. The old man went off to get the police and later came back saying he couldn’t find the police. The couple were frightened but ran away from the old man. He followed them at a fast gait, but they got into the uptown district and lost him. It was a very excited and curious couple who reached their small flat in the east side of town that night. They were very anxious to see what was in the book that the old man wanted so badly. When they tried to open the book, they found it locked. They then tried to rip it open but it was steel under the cloth cover. What was in the book? It was a small safe. But what did the old man want it for? Why was it mixed with the other books? The next morning Jim called to his wife Mary. “I have an idea how to open that book. I’li drill holes in it and then saw in beCween the holes. That will take the center out, and then we can see what is in it.” After he had gotten the center out, he came into the kitchen and said, “Mary, can you tell me what is in these tins?” “Why, that’s opium. No wonder that old man wanted his book back, he can be arrested for having it in his possession,” replied Mary. “Yes, but look at this note, I wonder what it means. It says ‘Meet me at eleven under the piers at dock six. More’. Mary I have been thinking; I’ll be back tomorrow or late tonight.” Mary spent a day and night of worry and fear. Jim came home late in the morning of the next day. “Mary, you can have those dresses and the new furniture you wanted, for we are twenty-five thousand dollars to the good,” cried Jim. “Why, Jim, where did you get all that money?” “Now, don’t ask any questions until I’m through. You will be proud to have me for a husband!” “When I left you, I had been thinking hard. Did you notice that the book-shop was on a waterfront, and that the old man could run a little too fast for his age? What was the opium for, and whom? Who peddled it? What did the note mean? “When I got out of the house. I went straight to the detective agency and got one of the best men they had. Then we went to dock six, at a few minutes before eleven, and hid under some ties. Believe me I was cramped!

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THE CHIPMUNK Page Twenty-seven BUT SHE DIDN’T As I see it, Sir Walt Scott wasn’t very well informed on the subject. He came from the West, all right, but his name wasn’t Lochinvar. It was Oscar G. Snoopdoodle. He came from the West: from San Luis Obispo, in fact. But he went back. It was this way. Oscar was in New York on business. As he entered his hotel—er’ I mean, the hotel where he was staying,—a boy asked if he was Mr. O. G. Snoopdoodle. When he answered affirmatively, he was handed a telegram, which read as follows: “ Dear Oscar: FATHER IS FORCING ME TO MARRY THAT VILLAIN COMMA ALOYSIUS E SINGWELL STOP COME AT ONCE STOP LOVE COMMA SUSIE” Oscar hurried to his room, packed only enough clothing to last him on his long journey, hailed a taxi, and drove to an airport. I don’t know which airport it was, so I can only say that he went to an airpor.t There he found a suitable plane, which he chartered, together with a reliable pilot. When he arrived in San Francisco, the pilot discovered that the engine was missing, and as it couldn’t be found, Oscar had to take a train to San L. O. At San Jose, the train was wrecked, so our hero hailed a taxi, and sped down the highway to his destination. Driving to the bride’s home, he was informed that the party had gone to the church. He stayed not for stop signs nor did he stop when a burly son of Erin, dressed in blue and with brass buttons, raised his arm in a signal meaning “Hesitate”, but he unerringly made his way to the First Methodist Church. Telling the taxi-driver to wait, he boldly entered the Church. In- side the door, he met Lucifer Longwind, the father of Susie, followed by Aloysius E. Singwell. The craven bridegroom said not a word, but the bride’s father said, “Oscar G. Snoopdoodle, what are you doing here?” Without waiting to answer, Oscar strode on into the church. He easily found Susie Longwind in the crowd and went to her side. “Susie,” he whispered in her ear, “would you always buy me lavendar neck-ties and orange sox on my birthday, if I got you out of this scrape?” “Oh, Oscar,” she said, “you know I would!” “Curses!” cried Oscar. “She loves me not!” And without more adieu, he dashed out the door, clambered into the taxi, sped away, and was seen no more. Which leads me to believe, gentle reader, that Oscar Snoopdoodle was a much luckier man, if not more gallant, than Lochinvar. Russell Hutchinson ’31

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THE CHIPMUNK Page Twenty-nine “At eleven, two men came in, one was the old man at the book- shop, and the other was a man whose face looked more like a rat’s than a rat itself. The men were talking earnestly together in under- tones. They were casting glances around as though they were afraid that something would jump on them. As we listened to them, we gained more information from them than they ever would have told in a police station. ‘“This old man’s suit is so hot that I am going to get sunstroke, and these whiskers will melt.’ “‘Aw, come on wear them just a few more days, then we will go to the other side of town. By that time we will be so rich we won’t have to sell opium.’ “‘Yes, but we had better be careful. I sold that book with the note and the tins!’ “‘What! we’ll have to be careful or we’ll land in the cold storage,’ yelled the rat faced man. “‘Well, where is the opium? The Chinese den is getting out of the stuff. Say, by the way, I’ve got a new customer at 601 Broadway.’ “Good, I will meet you there at twelve,’ said The Rat, as we had come to decide his name was. “After they had left, we hopped in a taxi and went to the police station. From there the police and I went to 601 Broadway and broke into the house and raided it. It was one of the largest opium dens in the city. “The Rat” wouldn’t tell anything but the old man, who turned out to be a young man, told all the rest we needed to know. “Well, Mary, let’s look at that furniture.” Lynn Heath ’35 WHY? I like some kinds of poetry, And some I can’t digest. That’s one thing I can’t figure out Altho I try my best. And there are lots of girls I like, While some I just detest And if I ever find out why I’ll surely feel at rest— Well, there are boys that seem quite nice (Until I know them better.) Others I don’t like at first (But learn to like ’em later.) Now all of this is silly trash, But if you can say why Some things I like and some I don’t, Please tell me bye and bye. Faith Mullen ’30