Westport High School - Herald Yearbook (Kansas City, MO)

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22 THE WESTPORT HIGH SCHOOL HERALD. Vilhile engaged in an argument with Miss De Wfitt, Alfred '1oll's mind gave way, and he in- sisted that after death the soul took a Rockhill car. tranferred at Eighth Street and Grand Avenue and took a car to Fairmount Park. He raves about not being allowed to follow the same path, and in- sists that he is but a soul, with no chunky body attached. L33 Catherine Ware applied herself too closely to writing a great play. After the loss of her mind, she finished the play and made the heroine marry the villain and the hero become a hopeless drunkard. She is at present covering all the blackboards with a romantic drama about a Mormon farmer with forty-eight wives. Q Hazel Lorie became insane because no one would listen to her frantic descriptions of Europe. After six hours of careful description of the Tower of London, she discovered that forfive hours and hfty-nine minutes there had been nobody in the same room. She has just finished the fifty thou- sandth page of a description of a Paris paving' stone. S! The cell of Ernest Cox is well provided with graphophones, pianolas, guitars, violins, cornets, mandolins, bagpipes, hand-organs, accordions, etc.. which the Sanitarium warden starts playing everv morning at daybreak, while Ernest sings to their accompaniment the livelong day. -9. Clara Bastman became a lunatic over the prospect of winning the HERALD cover prize, and now sits in her cell drawing numerous designs and sees ten-dollar gold-pieces floating around in the atmosphere--all coming her way. te Paul Luther, although a little fellow, became a fanatic on pedestrianism, and his cell has been equipped with a tread-mill for his incessant walking. 4 .Nanna Clagett became pitifully insane over dramatic art, and sits in an ,easy-chair muttering dramatically Shakespearean verse. Her violent gesticulation has made her extremely weak. 4 Rae McMillan has a common trouble, auto- mania. He tried to run the Hbubblen through a Monday assembly and to kill the teachers but spare the pupils. He has been confined in the shoot the chutesn hre-escape, where he has hill-climbing contests between toy automobiles. A Helen Hetherington has a mania for wearing clothes-lots of them. Her deprivation early this year has caused a reaction during the early sum- mer. Nearly every day she may be seen passing the windows with seven dresses on, four or hve pairs of shoes, two hats on her head and several more hung in festoons from her shoulders. 4, Wheii Samuel Campbell heard the names of the three Campbellsn at Commencement, his over- worked nature gave way. He believed he was the animal his name signifies and began to eat the flowers on the ladies, hats, and even tried to go seven days without a drink. At present he wanders up and down the halls swinging his head from side to side, believing himself in a desolate desert. Qs Bessie Richards, after having adored one of the teachers for two years and being disappointed in the return of her love, at last took up German and has become melancholy over her failure to master the language. She now paces her cell re- peating eloquently, Ich liebe meine liebe l..ehrerin.,, Q Q- Norah Penn lost her reason after having tried in vain to defend herself against her ardent admirers in the bookkeeping class. She requires a constant attendant to tell her that she is alone and won't be bothered by uthose horrid boysf' Q. After eating a great deal of chili, Lawrence Spencer got cold feet and did not win the track meet. This drove poor Lawrence out of his senses. and now he insists that his room be kept at 100 degrees Centigrade. He will eat nothing but chili and red pepper, and keeps calling outfor fire waterfs 3 , Ruth Nlellen is an unusual case. She believes that she isnftg that she does not exist. If anyone contradicts her and says that they see her, she hides behind a match and insists that there is no such person as Ruth Mellen in the world, and that any- one who says there is deserves to be in a sanitarium. A Ayers Blochefs delusion is 'cross-country run- ning and jumping. After school he was discovered hurdling counters in a china store with rather dis- astrous results. He was arrested and sent to the Sanitarium for safe-keeping. All day long he jumps from seat to seat in the Study Hall and runs round and round the halls, struggling to pass imagi- nary opponents. P a chi. place arour lookii her si J seems he is Ple draw lunch the k J and they heart girls, separ C he is urer ancec his cr const P ego.' stage mary madlj I fever makii the i frantl ing i all oi refusi I and enoug to bu halls. Ame' holdi streai

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. ! tier. JS, rk, wealth rk, e utter. THE VVESTPORT I-IIGH SCHOOL HERALD. 21 QUANTUM MUTATUS ! It is with great regret that we announce that this, the eleventh of July, finds the Senior Class of last month in a most distressing mental state. The strain of writing sixty-three different and orig- inal Senior essays was quite too much for their over- worked brains. And those unexpected and strenuous finals- surely they were the last straw! And the Seniors of '07? they just succumbed, that 's all-and in- stead of going out into the world in prime mental condition, they have been incarcerated, one and all, in an old musty building at Eleventh and Locust Streets. They while away the time bewailing Freshman days in old Westport and begging for a ray of sunshine and a breath of fresh air. Many of them, at the height of their brain- storm, have been guilty of various petty and more serious crimes. Cn account of their abnormal con- -dition, court proceedings have been waived and they have been confined for safe-keeping. A full and complete list of the unfortunate members of this luckless class follows: Miss Jeanette Stickle, alias Mlle. Eugenie St. Iklerie, who made .such a success in Life in the New School, was incarcerated for allowing her dramatic genius to carry her mind away. It in- cidentally carried away the box-ofhce receipts and the scenery. S Margaret Siegel is one of the belles of the Sanitarium. Toward the end of school she devel- oped a tendency to slide in the halls. Now she dances in the halls every evening from eight till midnight, amid crowds of admiring rats, mice, and kittens. S! Laura Snodgrass became over-ambitios about declamation and public speaking. After the Com- mencement program, it was all they could do to restrain her from reciting Curfew Shall Not Ring To-night as an encore. She spends most of her time reciting Casey at the Bat and The Wreck :of the Hesperusf' Anna Brainerd found a watch and lost her mind. She could not find the owner, and after she gave up the attempt she feared that the owner would find her. She insists that her name is Anna Erd, as her brain is gone. She has taken up knit- ting in her spare moments. Q Charles Gossard was given nervous prostration by the admiring plaudits of the girls. I-le used to hear such expressions as I-le 's a love, lVIy! but isn't he sweet? Now he paces up and down his padded cell repeating, She says I'm a love, a distant, far-away look in his deep blue eyes. 3 Walter Warren was imprisoned to save his life. l-le impersonated a woman and attended a meeting of the Old Cats' Associationf' They discovered his presence and a regiment of infantry had to escort him to safety. The terrible fright caused his mind to wander. 3 Martin Brooks is perhaps the most dangerous patient. l-le is believed to have committed many crimes, from stealing watermelons to assassinating the next president. He insisted on a trial by a jury of women, with an orchestra attached, and was put in a padded cell. S Down in one of the darkest dungeons, waving his arms in wild frenzy, lies John Marley. I-le ex- pected to receive a subsidy for his family, but was disappointed. His mind gave way and he devel- oped a tendency for indiscriminate flirting. 3 Wilbur I-leslip is kept in a reinforced concrete cell. l-le was confined for throwing a banner through the window of the fourteenth story of the Long Building, while engaged in a track meet at Elm Ridge. Enraged because it did not clear the river, his mind gave wayQ Marshall Campbell, in a padded cell, objects to anyone else being president of anything. l-le was arrested for a violent attack on the insurgent president of l-londuras. l-le is campaigning now for the presidency of the Hirmalgamated Lunatics' Association.

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v-1-w -'m--2.waenu.GU:u-z:-rrv1v- ,-.......J-e..c.4:sse4s:gc-n-a-ma 5 -f-v'n,9,:m-an-nw rn--A N.--g - -,g----gg r wearing early this arly sum- zn passing ' tive pairs 'eral more names of , his over- re was the o eat the fied to go ne wanders from side esert. ed one of sappointed .p German failure to ner cell re- Lehrerinf' Q4 ing tried in it admirers a constant d won't be Lawrence 1 the track F his senses. me kept at :at nothing ling out ,for She believes If anyone lr, she hides is no such ld that any-- sanitarium. :ountry run- s discovered . rather dis- sent to the ay long he all and runs i pass imagi- THE WESTPORT HIGH SCHOOL HERALD. 23 May Ellis is under the impression that she is a china shepherdess who has been moved from her place and lost her companion shepherd. She walks around moodily, a pointer in her hand for a crook, looking for a mantlepiece where she can rest from her search. 'S'- Julian Amelung, soon after Commencement, seemed to forget the last four years. He believes he is a Freshie, and goes wandering around asking, Please, Mr. Senior, will you tell me where the drawing-room is?', Also calling for milk in the lunch-room. He has even rolled his trousers up to the knees. 3 John Koogler believes he is a Mexican cactus, and that if anyone comes within ten feet of him. they will be pierced to the heart. He is so tender- hearted that he tries to keep everyone, even the girls, away from him. He has to be kept in a separate room with a box of sand to put his feet in. 5 'b- Colin Alexanderis mania leads him to believe he is a safety deposit vault. The duties of treas- urer for the Round Table and the Seniors unbal- anced his mind. He has to touch all the buttons on his coat before he will open his mouth, and is in constant fear that one of the girls will steal him. 3 Nellie Moore is suffering from exaggerated ego. She struts up and down the Assembly Hall stage, bowing and smiling, throwing kisses to imag- inary crowds, which she believes are cheering her madly. 3 . Laura Campbell is suffering from mathematical fever. Up in Room 25 she has spent her time making geometrical hgures, never erasing any until the whole board is covered. Still she goes on, frantically describing arcs, drawing tangents, cover- ing whole squares with arithmetieal calculations. all of them invisible. She is so mathematical she refuses to eat anything but pie Kapil. Q! Harry Klapmeyer has lost his mind, his heart. and his money. He was discovered begging for enough money to win his sweetheart's hand and to build her a home in Harlem. Now he sits in the halls. his eyes blindfolded, crutches fborrowed from Amelungl by his side, turning a hand-organ and holding out a tin cup for pennies, tears of gratitude streaming down his face at the sound of a coin. Clarence Newell, who was depending upon the crops this season, became despondent over the fail- ure, and goes about now carrying an oil lamp, try- ing to keep the cabbages from freezing. 52 Wanda Simonds fancies that she is an inter- rogation mark. She is not violent unless she sees Miss De 'Witt, when she launches into such a frenzy of i'Whys,, and Hows that Electrolysis himself, though a most intrepid beast, pales to his very whisker-ends. at Carl Nethaway fell off the tally-ho at the Jun- ior ricle and injured his brain. He was able to graduate, but soon afterward was taken with the idea that he was a steam plow and commenced to rush through the crowds, scattering them right and left. Now he spends his time digging furrows in the floor with a hat-pin. Q. Une of the most pathetic sights in this institu- tion is Sarah Bosch, who sits all day on a bench in the sunshine, playing with wooden blocks and repeating, mfhis year, next year, 999 years. Vis- itors are told that she spends her time thus, imagin- ing she is constructing a Union Station for Kansas City. 3 Arthur Coleman has gone back to his second childhood. He has a large flock of Teddy bears, several life-sized dolls, and a doll-baby carriage. He becomes tearful if he does not get his warm milk at the proper hours, and insists on taking two naps a day. A 3 Alice Gushurst went crazy with joy because saw a joke on the second reading. Now she be- comes violent if she is not supplied with copies of the comic papers, which she learns by heart, care- fully marking the places to laugh and chuckle. Her sense of humor is slowly developing, at the expense of her sanity. 4. Ford Douthittis mind was unbalanced by his carrying around the weight of a Senior pin. The strain got on his nerves, and now he imagines that he designed the old heavy one and must design a lighter one. He goes about drawing minute, flow- ery designs with the inscription, H '07 Sanitariumf' 3 Lou Glson, after completing her lengthy treatise on temoerance, became so enthusiastic over wom- anis suffrage that she is now afflicted with a severe brain-storm.