Westport High School - Herald Yearbook (Kansas City, MO)

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. ! tier. JS, rk, wealth rk, e utter. THE VVESTPORT I-IIGH SCHOOL HERALD. 21 QUANTUM MUTATUS ! It is with great regret that we announce that this, the eleventh of July, finds the Senior Class of last month in a most distressing mental state. The strain of writing sixty-three different and orig- inal Senior essays was quite too much for their over- worked brains. And those unexpected and strenuous finals- surely they were the last straw! And the Seniors of '07? they just succumbed, that 's all-and in- stead of going out into the world in prime mental condition, they have been incarcerated, one and all, in an old musty building at Eleventh and Locust Streets. They while away the time bewailing Freshman days in old Westport and begging for a ray of sunshine and a breath of fresh air. Many of them, at the height of their brain- storm, have been guilty of various petty and more serious crimes. Cn account of their abnormal con- -dition, court proceedings have been waived and they have been confined for safe-keeping. A full and complete list of the unfortunate members of this luckless class follows: Miss Jeanette Stickle, alias Mlle. Eugenie St. Iklerie, who made .such a success in Life in the New School, was incarcerated for allowing her dramatic genius to carry her mind away. It in- cidentally carried away the box-ofhce receipts and the scenery. S Margaret Siegel is one of the belles of the Sanitarium. Toward the end of school she devel- oped a tendency to slide in the halls. Now she dances in the halls every evening from eight till midnight, amid crowds of admiring rats, mice, and kittens. S! Laura Snodgrass became over-ambitios about declamation and public speaking. After the Com- mencement program, it was all they could do to restrain her from reciting Curfew Shall Not Ring To-night as an encore. She spends most of her time reciting Casey at the Bat and The Wreck :of the Hesperusf' Anna Brainerd found a watch and lost her mind. She could not find the owner, and after she gave up the attempt she feared that the owner would find her. She insists that her name is Anna Erd, as her brain is gone. She has taken up knit- ting in her spare moments. Q Charles Gossard was given nervous prostration by the admiring plaudits of the girls. I-le used to hear such expressions as I-le 's a love, lVIy! but isn't he sweet? Now he paces up and down his padded cell repeating, She says I'm a love, a distant, far-away look in his deep blue eyes. 3 Walter Warren was imprisoned to save his life. l-le impersonated a woman and attended a meeting of the Old Cats' Associationf' They discovered his presence and a regiment of infantry had to escort him to safety. The terrible fright caused his mind to wander. 3 Martin Brooks is perhaps the most dangerous patient. l-le is believed to have committed many crimes, from stealing watermelons to assassinating the next president. He insisted on a trial by a jury of women, with an orchestra attached, and was put in a padded cell. S Down in one of the darkest dungeons, waving his arms in wild frenzy, lies John Marley. I-le ex- pected to receive a subsidy for his family, but was disappointed. His mind gave way and he devel- oped a tendency for indiscriminate flirting. 3 Wilbur I-leslip is kept in a reinforced concrete cell. l-le was confined for throwing a banner through the window of the fourteenth story of the Long Building, while engaged in a track meet at Elm Ridge. Enraged because it did not clear the river, his mind gave wayQ Marshall Campbell, in a padded cell, objects to anyone else being president of anything. l-le was arrested for a violent attack on the insurgent president of l-londuras. l-le is campaigning now for the presidency of the Hirmalgamated Lunatics' Association.

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' A -q,-p-f-- f-I-........ - ... --- -.4--V-.et-f,-f2 5'i .1 .1 . .fA f ' f ', f'7::.'7 777' 'L 2' V'-P THE WESTPOR1' HIGH SCHOOL HERALD. F AREWELL. CTO Our Teacher, H. L. Creenj Come, rarest fancies. noblest thoughts, Come, Art, and lead my sluggish mindg Give me expression, pure and full, To show those feelings truly kind Toward one, a friend so good and true, Vlfho leaves old Westport far behind. Ah, welll good friend, ah, well! ah, welll We cannot in this world of ours, Where sorrows swell our hearts with grief, Know always what is 'best for us: All earthly sorrows are but brief, But since you leave us, in our hearts, Although a selfish tear we quell, We cannot help but say to you, Farewell, dear friendg we wish you well. Ah, welll ah, welll kind friend, ah, welll When at our work, and in these halls, Our minds will oft and oft recall A friend we miss and always shallg Then memory will our souls enthrall. So, as through life you take your way, Our hearts and wishes go with youg Think of us tenderly, we pray. Farewell, true friend, adieu, adieu. Alma Cutter. AVGIR BESOIN DE. I QTO needj To pretty baby in her crib, Vlfith curly hair and azure eyes And little dimpled grasping hands And look of sweet surprise, l'-ler daily portion, let me say, My loving friend, to you, Is what she always does regret Avoir besoin de. To little Johnny in his play, Where anger often has its part When Tommy gets the largest cake, And little hsts will dart, A pair of wings and safe retreat When father doth pursue Are most embarrassing details Avoir besoin de. To him who wastes his time at school And does not learn the rule of three, Whose great delight is in his kite And with the humble bee, A little brains and common-sense, A little firmness too, Are very disagreeable Avoir besoin cle. To timid little love-lorn maids, Who sigh at each ensuing task, And wonder if the time will come When in love's sun they '11 bask, A little beau with light moustache And shining eyes of blue ls the most distressing thing, perhaps, Avoir besoin de. To honest. upright business men, Who get their living by hard work, And do not thrive from borrowed Wealth And try their humble tasks to shirk, l-lappy circumstance and chance, Money that some other drew, Are the sources that they do not like Avoir besoin de. To everybody in the world, Reply whate'er you can or will, ln rain or shine, by day or night, In best of health or ill, A few good friends to lend a hand Or sympathize with you Are what you do not wish, I say, Avoir besoin de. Alma Cutler. l this, of la The inal f Work I surely of 'O stead condi in an Stree Frest ray o ll storm seriou ,dition they l if memt ll Iklerii New drami cidenl the sc IN Sanita oped dance midni kitten: L -declal 'mence 'restrai To -ni time r Ofthe ' - - - - - - - f 1: . -11: 11- f-an a,.'.:.:::'i-:.' -'-' -f.7:.'L2 '-'f:4,:zz1:::cs- kil l... V Z ilil T l i ' Y-xl-a n V i' V . v ' - ' - X' - - A ' -Y' . -.mws:'-,ww-pr.--.....,..+ -.. .,.,.. -.,,

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22 THE WESTPORT HIGH SCHOOL HERALD. Vilhile engaged in an argument with Miss De Wfitt, Alfred '1oll's mind gave way, and he in- sisted that after death the soul took a Rockhill car. tranferred at Eighth Street and Grand Avenue and took a car to Fairmount Park. He raves about not being allowed to follow the same path, and in- sists that he is but a soul, with no chunky body attached. L33 Catherine Ware applied herself too closely to writing a great play. After the loss of her mind, she finished the play and made the heroine marry the villain and the hero become a hopeless drunkard. She is at present covering all the blackboards with a romantic drama about a Mormon farmer with forty-eight wives. Q Hazel Lorie became insane because no one would listen to her frantic descriptions of Europe. After six hours of careful description of the Tower of London, she discovered that forfive hours and hfty-nine minutes there had been nobody in the same room. She has just finished the fifty thou- sandth page of a description of a Paris paving' stone. S! The cell of Ernest Cox is well provided with graphophones, pianolas, guitars, violins, cornets, mandolins, bagpipes, hand-organs, accordions, etc.. which the Sanitarium warden starts playing everv morning at daybreak, while Ernest sings to their accompaniment the livelong day. -9. Clara Bastman became a lunatic over the prospect of winning the HERALD cover prize, and now sits in her cell drawing numerous designs and sees ten-dollar gold-pieces floating around in the atmosphere--all coming her way. te Paul Luther, although a little fellow, became a fanatic on pedestrianism, and his cell has been equipped with a tread-mill for his incessant walking. 4 .Nanna Clagett became pitifully insane over dramatic art, and sits in an ,easy-chair muttering dramatically Shakespearean verse. Her violent gesticulation has made her extremely weak. 4 Rae McMillan has a common trouble, auto- mania. He tried to run the Hbubblen through a Monday assembly and to kill the teachers but spare the pupils. He has been confined in the shoot the chutesn hre-escape, where he has hill-climbing contests between toy automobiles. A Helen Hetherington has a mania for wearing clothes-lots of them. Her deprivation early this year has caused a reaction during the early sum- mer. Nearly every day she may be seen passing the windows with seven dresses on, four or hve pairs of shoes, two hats on her head and several more hung in festoons from her shoulders. 4, Wheii Samuel Campbell heard the names of the three Campbellsn at Commencement, his over- worked nature gave way. He believed he was the animal his name signifies and began to eat the flowers on the ladies, hats, and even tried to go seven days without a drink. At present he wanders up and down the halls swinging his head from side to side, believing himself in a desolate desert. Qs Bessie Richards, after having adored one of the teachers for two years and being disappointed in the return of her love, at last took up German and has become melancholy over her failure to master the language. She now paces her cell re- peating eloquently, Ich liebe meine liebe l..ehrerin.,, Q Q- Norah Penn lost her reason after having tried in vain to defend herself against her ardent admirers in the bookkeeping class. She requires a constant attendant to tell her that she is alone and won't be bothered by uthose horrid boysf' Q. After eating a great deal of chili, Lawrence Spencer got cold feet and did not win the track meet. This drove poor Lawrence out of his senses. and now he insists that his room be kept at 100 degrees Centigrade. He will eat nothing but chili and red pepper, and keeps calling outfor fire waterfs 3 , Ruth Nlellen is an unusual case. She believes that she isnftg that she does not exist. If anyone contradicts her and says that they see her, she hides behind a match and insists that there is no such person as Ruth Mellen in the world, and that any- one who says there is deserves to be in a sanitarium. A Ayers Blochefs delusion is 'cross-country run- ning and jumping. After school he was discovered hurdling counters in a china store with rather dis- astrous results. He was arrested and sent to the Sanitarium for safe-keeping. All day long he jumps from seat to seat in the Study Hall and runs round and round the halls, struggling to pass imagi- nary opponents. P a chi. place arour lookii her si J seems he is Ple draw lunch the k J and they heart girls, separ C he is urer ancec his cr const P ego.' stage mary madlj I fever makii the i frantl ing i all oi refusi I and enoug to bu halls. Ame' holdi streai