Westminster College - Argo Yearbook (New Wilmington, PA)

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(Editor ' s Note: With Mork and Mindy emerging as one of the top shows of the year, we thought it would be interesting to see what Mork would report to his comman- der, Orson, after a visit to the col- lege.) M ork calling Orson, come in Orson ... I visited the zoo to- day. It is the second floor of what humans call a library. What do humans do in a library? Humans go there to check-out and pick-up. What do they pick-up? Animals. Usually foxes and chicks Strange species they have on eart The foxes mate with turkeys. While I was there, my friend Wal do Westminster intrc HnccH mr to space cadet. From what planet does she come? She call herself a townie. Do yoi know where that is, oh Wise One? No. It must be in the middle of n where. What else did you learn thii week? What is this place you a visiting, Mork? It ' s a college, sir. An institutio: of higher learning. And what are they learning? They are learning that they are losing everything. I visited three dif- ferent classes the other day — hii tory, language, and sociology — am they each lost something. What had they lost, Mork? Atlantis, Latin, and M( rnlitv Tell me about classes. Well, your eminence, I had trou ' fmding them because nobody ever goes. When they do, the professor comes and starts talking. Then every body falls asleep — argh, argh, argh! What else can you tell me? What is test? Some classes are like cake because you can cut them and others are like hot potatoes because you can drop them. On tests, the profs ask you how much you know. They measure how well you study and how well you cheat. Then you get a grade. gm What is a grade? jH Alpha-beta-hook-dog-flag. They are like secret passwords. If you get the right one you can join the country club. Let ' s see, alpha means you ' re really cookin ' mama. Beta means you were really sneaky and stayed awake during the lectures. Hook means you fell asleep before you finished the last chapter. A dog means Hey, Jack, how ' d you like to be driving a truck for the rest of your life? Then there is the flag. They invite you to spend your money somewhere else What are grades for? Alpha studeiit.s become scientists Hook students become college profes sors. Where do )ou eat, Mork? Perhaps you can tell me about human food. It ' s a sad situation, Orson. These humans are fed by a tyrant called Saga Mike. He requires them to stand in line three times a day for what hu- mans call mystery meat. Mystery meat? A hamburger that had a fight with dishwater and lost. Argh, argh, argh! Orson, I also went to a fraternity party.