Westerville High School - Searchlight Yearbook (Westerville, OH)

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Columbus. A man is standing on a soap-box delivering a stirring oration on the evils of swatting flies. Flies, he declares, have feelings just as have we. lf we swat a fly we are committing a dastardly crime-murder in the first degree. VVe are curious about this man's identity. Perhaps he too was one of our class-mates. At this moment he picks up a huge standard with the words William Henry begs, implores, demands kindness to the flies . NVe are glad to have our curiosity concerning the soap-box enthusiast satisfied. Someone in front of us remarks just as the scene changes that he remembers NVilliam when he was a little fellow in short pants. The ensuing scene features a dancing class. The dancing-teacher is in full-dress, white tie and all. He is tapping two little black sticks together and counting with a very affected accent one, two, three, four, one, two, three, four. One of the pupils gets out of step and the teacher turns purple with rage. But remembering that he is a Ustick, and James Ustick at that, he counts ten to himself before he says anything. Then in the most suave manner he reprimands the awkward one. After this display of skillfull agility, james and his dancing class get the fade-out. The next scene is that of an exotic club in Spain. NVe see a group of women arguing shrilly over someting in their midst. Finally one of the women grabs the object of dissension and Hees. And what is the object? A dark- hair fellow, who, for all his attempt to appear Spanish, does not conceal his American identity. We learn that he, Edwardo Greena, is the most popular gigolo in the club. Every night just such a fight, often ending in blows and hysterics, is waged over him. 'When we gaze upon the next scene our eyes cannot believe what they see! For who would ever have imagined Hazel Howe as writing advice to the love- lorn? But that is exactly what she is doing. She announces that at the moment she is writing a letter to Robert Arthur, prominent judge of domestic relations, telling him how to win the affections of Wanda Hamilton, who has just won the title of Miss United States in the most recent beauty contest. The next scene is that of a kindergarten. And who should be playing Farmer in the Dell with the kiddies but Ronald Gooding! To think that Ronald had such an ambition all those years we knew him, and yet never revealed his true feelings. As Ronald begins to teach the little darlings Wee Willie VVinkle , the lights dim and once more we have a change of scene. Where are we now? Well, from all appearances we are in the office of the highest executive of the United States-her honor, the president. And one would never guess that the lovely young lady pacing the lioor had the destiny of a nation in her hands. Of course, if you are not up to date enough to know who the president is, we will tell you that she is none other than Margaret Meyer, whose last political position was as Homecoming Queen of VV. H. S. Evidently Miss Meyer does not believe in the idea of Civil Service Reform, which she studied so intensively under the guidance of a certain Mr. Hopkins, for quite a number of her friends are employed in her ofiices. There is Isabel Howe, Secretary of War, Cshe learned a lot about that in W .H. SJ and Jean DeWitt, head of the new department which entertains the president and keeps her honor from worrying too much over the high price of silk stock- ings and kid gloves. Incidentally Miss Meyer's campaign platform was No More Wallfiowers! A Dancing Partner for Every Girl! As this scene of legislative efficiency fades a new scene takes form! And what a contrast! Where the former scene was quiet and peaceful, this one is boisterous and war-like. A debate, whose topic seems to be Is Eating Onions a Crime? , is in full sway. The debater for the affirmative, namely Dr. Elmer Schwind, R. A. T., P. I. G., N. U. T. S. is heatedly defending his ideals, gestur- ing wildly, and shouting that anvone who eats onions should be kept in solitary confinement until he repents. The debater for the negative, Senator Jeanette Lehman, gulps a glass of water, chokes, sputters, gasps and is carried off the stage in a state of hysterics. We are relieved to have that scene disappear. A new setting, that of a matrimonial bureau, takes its place. The proprietors, Mary Loar, Margaret VV1l!1amson, Dorothy McElwee. Myrtle Wickline, and Luella Martin are sitting around the room with expressions of deepest gloom on their faces. Business has been terrible this last year. Some wav or other, folks have found their own mates! At the sound of footsteps their faces brighten, only to resume their former expressions when the arrival enters, announcing that he is the Fuller Brushman. And who is this super salesman? Why Donald Hanawalt, 34

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PROPHECY All the world's a stage. And all the men and women merely players. The Master Marionette Maker raises his handy the curtains part, and we are about to see the enactment of the world's greatest drama-the unfolding of the lives of the seniors of '36. The lights of the world's theater become dim and the first actor makes his entrance. He is a husky fellow, solemn and grave of countenance. This pompous- ness is, however, merely an affectation. The young man is carrying a suit- case, but if we look closely we see that the suitcase does not bear his name, which, by the way, we remember is Mark Coldiron, but has printed on it in gold letters the name Melvin McCombs . We wonder for a moment why Mr. Coldiron is carrying the suitcase of another but Finally we notice the style of his attire-a sailor suit-and we also note the cunning little cap perched on one side of his head, which creates a strikingly funny contrast to the somber- ness of his face. We see that the stage setting is that of a ship. Mr. Cold- iron t Cap to youj looks around in search of someone. At last his eyes spy a scholarly looking man trying to push his way through the crowd. The man finally reaches his porter Cfor that is the profession of Mark Coldironj. Our scholarly friend is carrying a huge portfolio on which in big red letters is printed McCombs Automatic Nose Wiper . VVe then remember reading in Walter Winchell's column about the greatest labor saving device of the century-namely the McComb's Wiper. The famous inventor appears Hustered and explains to his porter that the cause of his tardiness was the fact that absentmindedly he had kissed a lump of coal and shovelled his wife into the furnace, which accident caused some slight complications. After several minor catastrophies, Mr. McCombs and his Nose Wiper are gotten aboard ship and Mr. Coldiron returns home to tell wifey Cthe former Jean Cookb about his big day. The scene changes. Instead of a ship we see, bear, and smell a ten-cent store. Above the clamor of the clerks and customers we hear jazz such as we have never heard before, pouring out of a piano behind a music counter. Our eyes fall upon the pianist and we know beyond a doubt that it is little Marjory Ranck. Marjory is swaying back and forth with the rhythm of her music, trying to make an impression on the good-looking young man who is watching her. Something about the young man is familiar. Ah! It is his beautiful wavy hair. How could we ever have failed to recognized Chuck Neighbors? Obviously Marjory's attempt to impress him is sucessful for that dreamy all- absorbed expression in Chuck's eyes hearkens back to his salad days when he thrilled at the attention of a bonny lassie. We are surprised when he leaves the music counter to go to a telephone. What is that he is saying? Oh good- ness! Contrary to the expectations of all his former teachers, Chuck has made good. For he is telling someone over the telephone that he is Charles Neighbors, owner of the Neighbor's chain ten-cent store. The lights dim and when again the stage becomes illumined the scene has changed. We hear the shrill twittering of birds, the mournful whining of dogs, and the melodious song of the cat. On the wall hangs a large sign bear- ing the caption: A. Leonard's Animal Hospital. All the Comforts of Home . While we are speculating as to whether A. Leonard can possibly be our old friend Annabelle, a woman with red, or shall we say auburn, hair comes into the hospital and says in a sugary voice to one of the birds. And how is your laryngitis today, my dear? We recognize the hair and the voice at once as belonging to Miss Annabelle Leonard. W'hile Miss Leonard is putting a mus- tard plaster on the bird's throat and Vicks Nose Drops in his beak, another lady, very much bundled up in an expensive fur-coat. rushes into the hospital crying, And how is mamma's pet, my sweet, my baby, feeling today? From her speech one might think that her only child was undergoing a major oper- ation but we are relieved to find that it is only a tiny Pekinese who has had the ear-ache all night. Miss Leonard informs the new arrival that the infinitesi- mal canine has fully regained her original status of health and happiness . But by what name did she address our enthusiastic friend? It sounded very much like Miss Bercaw : and indeed it is no less a person than Miss Bettv Ann Bercaw the most famous player of the Jew's harp in the world. While we are still fascinated by this scene the Master Marionette Maker raises his hand once more. We see a familiar spot-the statehouse grounds in 33

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of course! However when he notices the sign on the wall, Mr, Hanawalt makes a hurried exit. From the depression of this scene we emerge to a more cheerful state of affairs. Alberta Engle and Ethel Miller are running a candy store. Their main trouble, however, is that they Eat up the profits. Miss Engle has become especially famous for her Bumblebee fudge. This is made with the stmgers from the bees. And Miss Miller's specialty is candied shoelaces, a delicacy you must try sometime! , . The next scene is that of a suburban back-yard. Two women, Mrs. Robert Coate and Mrs. Bruce McLean, are talking over the fence. They are discussing the faults of their husbands. Mrs. Coate, of course you remember Helen Herboltzheimer, complains that Bob simply will not learn how to play a good game of bridge: Mary Schick McLean mourns Bruce's refusal to mend his own socks. And if you knew the two girls way back when, you'll remember that a game of bridge is food and drink to Helen, and that mending socks is a blight on Mary's life. By the way the two husbands are in business together, running a tea-room. After so much domesticity 1 are relieved to witness a scene of business- like character. And as business n be combined with pleasure we see that this is a beauty-shop, operated by Miss Jessie McCrary and Miss Mary Jane Chenoweth. The two have devised a new kind of facial. You are either much better or much worse looking after one of them! The main elements in these facials are: first spread a paste of Roquefort cheese over the face: after this has dried, scrape it off with a nail-file, then cleanse the face thoroughly with Old Dutch Cleanser-this will remove the dead skin, talso the living skinl. Next rinse the face with a pint of ginger-ale. Now rub maple syrup all over the face-this will compel the makeup to stick on for weeks. After one of these facials you will notice a marked change in your appearance. In the next scene the setting is that of a school room. Why-it is dear old Room 204. A history class. under the expert tutelage of Miss Margaret Koerner, is in progress. Miss Koerner took Mr. Hopkins' place because she finally got to knowing more about history than he did. As Margaret is listen- ing to one of her pupils discuss the problem American Democracy has been Fundamentally Influenced by the Frontier ' the new office-girl, Gladys Dixon, glides into the room. We say glides , because Gladys has improved on the old slow method of walking-she skates. We are not sorry, and never were sorry, to leave the history class. We are taken in the following scene to a mining village in the West. There has just been a recent gold-rush, so we are not surprised to see Virginia Cross in overalls, pick and shovel lying on the ground beside her, still digging for gold with someone else's shovel. From the VVest we whizz back to New York in the next scene. The place: the kitchen of a small apartment. Evidently the three children on the floor are deadly enemies. They are all screaming, pulling each other's hair, and scratching faces. Mr. and Mrs. Armstrong tJoyce and Milton to youl are washing the dishes, until at last Daddy Milton, unable to stand the noise a moment longer, rushes over to the children, turns the oldest across his knee, and administers a severe walloping. VVe leave this scene of domestic bliss and are entertained by a clown who comes out on the stage and does a few rather comical tricks. In spite of the grease-paint all over his face, we recognize the classic features of Robert Liv- ingston. After this exhilarating scene, the lights come on and we go out into the lobby for the intermission. As we are discussing the play we notice the girl standing alone, looking very remote. She has a dreamy look in her large ex- pressive eyes, which brings us the realization that she is the Miriam Gifford who out-glamored Garbo in the movies. VVe see her calm expression change to one of fright and she rushes out of the theater, pursued by Robert Dean, Floyd Harrington, and Emerson Burwell, who jointly own the city's best news- paper, The Scummy Scandal . The bell signifying the end of the intermission compels us to go back to our seats reluctant to forget Miss Gifford, yet anticipating the rest of the play. The whispering of the crowd becomes hushed, and once more the curtains part. This time the scene is that of an undertaking establishment. The sign on the door reads Charles Jacoby and Niece, Funeral Home . Miss Mary Jacoby, who drives the hearse comes into the office and announces to Charles 35