Western Union College - Pilot Yearbook (Le Mars, IA)

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THINGS THAT NEVER HAPPEN Postponed classes. Zech not practising guitar during study hours. Everybody at Chapel. Hancer playing a poor game of basketball. Reynolds giving a serious speech in Literary. Rockwood taking a girl to Wernli Hall. Aaron Miller not vamping girls. Freshmen that should be professors. Professor Fireoved missing a class. A PILOT Editor without something to do. THINGS THAT NEVER FAIL M1'. Zuehl without a story. Rockwood making a basket in a game. VVieland not getting a letter every day. YVichelt's Ford. Being awakened forty times a night in Union Hall. Wava not happy. Bleasdell sleeping in class. NIr. Hix's smile. Chapel Services. Kuehner singing in Chapel. REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE OF BACHELOR OF HEARTS 1. Coeducational high school education. 2. Thirty-six hours of campustry. 3. A minor of at least eighteen hours. Private work. Twelve of eighteen hours must be done on iron fence. Higher grades given to students sitting on barbed wire. 4. Nine hours of social science. Courses in gossip, telephone conversations required. 5. Unlimited hours of laboratory science. Courses in Wooing, Proposing, Rejecting. Periods three hours each Friday, Saturday, and other open nights. 6. A minimum attendance of thirty-six nightsg more if any are failures. 7. Two years in art of physical perfection, St1'CSS being placed on care of beauty of face. If after two years of this, you think you are not accomplishing anything, you better go hang yourself. 8. Twelve hours of foreign languageg language of the moon, and language of love required. 9. If not engaged at end of four years no degree will be given. Page 106

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l ml 3 - 1 1 REGISTRATION ROOLS Read carelessly and if you cannot abide by them, enroll at once. You shall not be allowed any course that interferes with your social functions. You must arrange for at least one course in campustry. Classes in campustry shall meet daily and also nightly. Hours-Any time be- hetween 8 A. llfl.-I P. hi. Car riding is recommended but not compulsory. There shall be no porch lights. Off periods shall be spent in the halls. Loud talking is highly desirable. Classes shall not be more than ten minutes in length. Thirty minutes shall be allowed between classes. If at any time you make more than 252, on an examination, you shall be dis- missed from college. White letters are to be disregarded. They are sent out for the fun. Always walk on grass, sidewalks wear out. Don't go to chapel unless you have a stomach ache. If an instructor calls on you in class, walk out. All Freshmen are requested to push the Seniors off the walk when they meet. Page 105

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KANGAROO COURT Time: 9:00 P. lli. a certain evening. Place: Re-union Hall. judges: Hancer and Olson. Defendant: Clyde Schuler. Prosecuting Attorney: Omar Koch. Executing Attorney: Soph. Class. jury: Riter, Gillis, Van Devender, VVoods, Rockwood, M. lliiller. Case duly tried and defendant found guilty of breaking Freshman rules and girls' hearts. 4 Punishment: Run around block with chair on back. Take a short jaunt into the rural section and 10 licks with a paddle. HANCER-VVICHELT LAVVSUIT Wichelt sues Hancer. Mitch Ado About Nothing. Treaeherous white rat escapes shackles and overpowers guinea pig owned and oper- ated by I-lancer lk Reynolds Co. Guinea pig instantly killed in the combat. Prosecuting Attorney: Gillis. Defense Attorney: Reynolds. Time of murder: Unknown. Time of trial: February 31, 1950. Stipulation 55000. Hanccr's bond 550,000 CStil1 in jailj Page 107 -.A