West Side High School - Legenda Yearbook (Saginaw, MI)

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Son : Papa, tell me a joke. Papa (interested in paper) : mama? ' How about Bugs Dice: I came awfully close to pick- ing up a girl tonight. Kid Burns: How ' s that? Bugs Dice: ' I asked her if she ' d like to take a ride and she ' No! ' No Extra Charge, Either. Waiter! There ' s a fly in my ice cream. Serves him right; let him freeze. Wife (finding husband drunk) : John, this is the last straw. Husband: Thass awright, m ' dear; I never use ' em. Just give me the bottle. F. Cherry: Did you ever kiss a girl when she wasn ' t expecting it? A. Diebel: I doubt it. H. Doering (in Maga ' s trying to cut his steak) : Say, waiter, how was this steak cooked? Waiter: Smothered in onions, sir. Doering: Well, it died hard. J. Lewis: Miss Vanderhoof ' s sick in bed today. F. Galarno: Thasso? What ' s the com- plaint? Lewis: No complaint, everybody ' s satis- fied. Miss Boyle (in 11th English) : What does a king sit on? B. Ross: On his throne, Miss Boyle: Now, Bert, construct a sen- tence using the word ' throne ' correctly. B. Ross: Father gave me such a licking that I can ' t set on my throne. T. Appleby: Waiter, bring me the nine things I like. Waiter: What are they, sir? T. Appleby: Hash. She : The women of today are able to meet any situation. He : If I were to kiss you, how would you meet the situation? She : Face to face. Flip Kessel : Have you read the write-up in the Bible of the Egyptian tennis game? Mr. Haggard: No, what does it say? Flip Kessle: Joseph served in Pharaoh ' s court. I call my girl snapshot, because every where I go she wants to be taken. Is that so? I call mine film, because she ' s so well developed. R. Hart: I think Reginald French is the most modest man I ever knew. H. Snyder: How ' s that? R. Hart: Why, his girl called him on the phone this morning and he wouldn ' t answer because he was in his pajamas. Orchestra Drummer: I ' m the fastest man in the world. Violinist: How ' s that? O. D.: Time flies, doesn ' t it? v.: So they say. O. D. : Well, I beat time. Abe. O. : I sure miss the cuspidor since it has gone. L. Rankin : You did that when it was here, that ' s why it is gone. M. LaFluer: Have you a match for this blouse? Haughty Sales Girl: Yes, and I ' ll give you some kerosene, too. The stingiest fellow we ' ve heard of yet is Cliff Curott. He had a toy baloon vulcan- ized yesterday. There was a stage star named Celestus, When she danced the applause was tempestu- ous She whirled and she tripped ' Till her shoulder strap slipped And they had to ring down the asbestus. ■ ' Ponies ? Mr. Schrieber: Now, Mr. Dankert, don ' t you think you had better turn the page? You already have translated the first ten lines on the following page. ' Chaperone at Senior Party: What do you mean by letting that young man kiss you, part of the performance took place right un- der my nose. V. Shurry: Then what are you kicking about? C. Murray: Got a nail in your tire? Tiny Mertz : Naw, ran over a fork in the road. Tell a girl a good story and she ' ll laugh at it. Tell her a bad one and she ' ll repeat it. ' No, Hazel, getting a ring out of a dumb- bell is not as easy as it sounds. Now that the skirts are getting longer, the girls are again leaving a little to our imagi- nation. E. Hudson: Why the crepe over the kitchen sink? Who ' s dead? M. Myer: Crepe? Oh, that ' s the towel.

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states of the Unite, Feb. the tenth. Dear Friend: Now I take my pen and ink in hand and write you with a lead pencil. Ve do not lif ver ve used to live, ve lif ver ve haf moved. I hate to say it but your dear old ant vot you luffed so much iss dead. She died of Ne. Monia on New Years day in New Orleans at fifteen minutes in front of five. Some people think she had population of der heart; the doctor g-ave up all hopes of a family for two boys and two cows. They found $10,000 sewed up in her bustle. It was an auful lot to leave be- hind. She villed it all to the boys, in case they die, the fortune goes to the cows. Old Mrs. Offenbach is very sick, she is just about at deaths door. The doctor tinks he can pull her through. She has such a nice little boy, he is just like a human beast. Your brudder Gus took our dog Fido down to the saw mill yesterday to had a fight. He run up against one of the circular saws, he only lasted one round. All of the Grosenbachs family had the mumps and are having a swell time. I am sending you your black overcoat by express, in order to save extra charges, I cut off the buttons. You ' ll find them in the inside pocket. Mother is making sausage, the neighbors are all looking for their dogs. Your uncle says if you don ' t pay him them 40c you owe him he ' ll cut off your head and throw it in your face. We sent Hulda over to the butcher to see if he had some pigs feet, she came back and said she didn ' t know, the butcher had his shoes on. I just graduated from Arthur Hill. I took up electrution and physical torture. I learned to be a stenogra- pher. I got a job in a livery stable taking de hay for the horses. Louis vas sick, the doctor told him to take someding, he vent down the street and met Ikey Cohen and took his watch. Ikey had him arrested and got a lawyer. The lawyer got the case but Louis got the works. Lena vent out to milk der cows, the cow kicked her and gave her milk punch. The flat was cold last week, father called the janiter a lobster and he made it hot for him. He vas as cold as a vol- cano. Ve haf thirty chickens and pug dog. The chickens lay around six eggs a day and the dog is laying behind the stove. Ve are having more weather up here than ve has last year. Just hear they performed an operation on Mrs. Offenbach between the dining room and the conservatory but she died between eight oclock. Der iss lots of people dying around here vot nefer died before. How I wish we were closer apart, I am auful lonesome since we were separationnate together. Your brud- der Lehan is getting along fine with the small pox and I hope you are the same. Hoping that you write sooner than I did, I remain your friend, Joe Schmeigel. P. S. If you don ' t get my letter let me know and I will write you anudder. P. S. S. Two times — Just received that $5.00 I owe you but have closed the letter and can ' t get it in. (Letter from Jo. Schmiegal to Ray Hart.) MY AUTO ' TIS OF THEE. My auto ' tis of thee, Short road to poverty, Of thee I chant. I blew a pile of dough. On you three years ago ; Now you refuse to go. Or won ' t or can ' t. Through town and country side, You were my joy and pride, A happy day. I loved the gaudy hue. The nice white tires, new. But you ' re down and out for true. In every way. To thee old rattlebox. Come many bumps and knocks, For thee I grieve. Badly the top is torn, Frayed are the seats and worn; The whooping cough affects thy horn, I do believe. Thy perfume swells the breeze. While good folks choke and wheeze, As we pass by. I paid for thee a price, ' Twould buy a mansion twice. Now everybody ' s yelling ice. Thy motor has the grip. The spark plug has the pip, And who is thine. I, too, have suffered chills. Fatigue and kindred ills. Endeavoring to pay my bills. Since thou wert mine. Gone is my bank roll now, No more ' twould choke a cow, As once before. Yet, if I had the mon, So help me, John, amen, I ' d buy a car again. And speed some more. F. GALARNO I know a guy so dumb that he thinks that musicians eat piano rolls for breakfast.

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i m m 4?i Teacher: Ikey, give me a sentence con- taining the word ' statute. ' Ikey: Father came home late last night, and mother said, ' is dat you Ikey? ' Chuck: Has your fortune eveir been told? Edna: No, but I dare say papa will tell yours if you really have serious intentions. Miss A. Boyle: Oh, Mr. Bassett, tell me how they m ' ake an end run. Smiley: They step on his heels if he doesn ' t Jazz Class Gave Her Permanent Wiggle She learnt the fox trot one step too — And with the tango took a chance But oh, she met her Waterloo At the St. Vitus Dance. K. Schurr: Hey Mickey, can you lend me five? Mick McGovern: Sure, got change for a dime? Joe Schmiegel (as canoe rocks) Don ' t be afraid, we ' re only ten feet from land. She (anyone) where is it? Joe : Underneath us. Burrows: She asked me to kiss on either cheek. ' ' Nan B. Which one did you kiss her on? Roz : I hesitated a long time between them. Sun : Ran across Jim downtown yester- day. Set: Yeah, how was he? Sun : Tough, I only cracked two ribs and bent the axle. M. Hinkley : Alger kissed me last night. Mother (indignantly) That is outrageous, did you sit on him? Mary: I did. Dentist: Awfully sorry, miss but I just tore out a piece of your gum. Stenographer: That ' s all right. Just stick it under the chair and I ' ll get it as I go out. C. Norton: Doesn ' t that girl look like Helen Brown? I. Izzo: Yes, but she looks worse in white. Mr. Haggard: Haven ' t you any trade? What did you do before you got into this awful condition? J. Needham: I ' m a season worker, sir, my profession was smoking glasses for eclip • es of the sun. 8i SiSiSSSSiSS H. Booth : Do you believe in clubs for women? F. Galarno : You bet, clubs, sandbags, or any old thing. Please Don ' t Laugh B. Reins (in theatre) : Mother, when do the Indians come in? Mrs. R. : Why, there are no Indians in this show. Bobby: Well then, who scalped all the men in the front row? Mertz : Listen to that motor. It runs like a Packard, doesn ' t it? Murray: What did you do to it? Mertz: Put some monkey glands in the gasoline. Will Dembinske : Did you ever see a rab- bit with a tin ear? Pinkey: No, did you? Will: Sure, in a shooting gallery. Miss D. Boyle: Have you ' Simon Called Peter ' ? Carney Palmer: Sorry, we are out of that just now. Miss Boyle: Well, suggest some other stimulating piece of New Testament fiction. Very Good. Miss Clark: Give me a good example of a concidence. K. Schurr: My father and mother were married the same day. Say there, black man, can ' t you play honest? Ah, knows what cards ah done dealt you! G. Karow : What ' s showing at the movies tonight? B. Kissell: I ' m not quite sure, but I hear she wears only some beads. Mrs. Eskimo: Where have you been for the last six months? Mr. Esk. I sat up all night with a sick friend. Mr. Maynard : I see by the gasoline tank that you didn ' t get far last night? Son Tracy: Well father, I ' m not com- plaining any. This is entirely a matter of course, said the golfer as he approached the tee. Silver Dersch: What the difference be- tween Ammonium and ammonia? Freddie Bliss: One is the smell of the other.