West Side High School - Legenda Yearbook (Saginaw, MI)

Page 123 text:

states of the Unite, Feb. the tenth. Dear Friend: Now I take my pen and ink in hand and write you with a lead pencil. Ve do not lif ver ve used to live, ve lif ver ve haf moved. I hate to say it but your dear old ant vot you luffed so much iss dead. She died of Ne. Monia on New Years day in New Orleans at fifteen minutes in front of five. Some people think she had population of der heart; the doctor g-ave up all hopes of a family for two boys and two cows. They found $10,000 sewed up in her bustle. It was an auful lot to leave be- hind. She villed it all to the boys, in case they die, the fortune goes to the cows. Old Mrs. Offenbach is very sick, she is just about at deaths door. The doctor tinks he can pull her through. She has such a nice little boy, he is just like a human beast. Your brudder Gus took our dog Fido down to the saw mill yesterday to had a fight. He run up against one of the circular saws, he only lasted one round. All of the Grosenbachs family had the mumps and are having a swell time. I am sending you your black overcoat by express, in order to save extra charges, I cut off the buttons. You ' ll find them in the inside pocket. Mother is making sausage, the neighbors are all looking for their dogs. Your uncle says if you don ' t pay him them 40c you owe him he ' ll cut off your head and throw it in your face. We sent Hulda over to the butcher to see if he had some pigs feet, she came back and said she didn ' t know, the butcher had his shoes on. I just graduated from Arthur Hill. I took up electrution and physical torture. I learned to be a stenogra- pher. I got a job in a livery stable taking de hay for the horses. Louis vas sick, the doctor told him to take someding, he vent down the street and met Ikey Cohen and took his watch. Ikey had him arrested and got a lawyer. The lawyer got the case but Louis got the works. Lena vent out to milk der cows, the cow kicked her and gave her milk punch. The flat was cold last week, father called the janiter a lobster and he made it hot for him. He vas as cold as a vol- cano. Ve haf thirty chickens and pug dog. The chickens lay around six eggs a day and the dog is laying behind the stove. Ve are having more weather up here than ve has last year. Just hear they performed an operation on Mrs. Offenbach between the dining room and the conservatory but she died between eight oclock. Der iss lots of people dying around here vot nefer died before. How I wish we were closer apart, I am auful lonesome since we were separationnate together. Your brud- der Lehan is getting along fine with the small pox and I hope you are the same. Hoping that you write sooner than I did, I remain your friend, Joe Schmeigel. P. S. If you don ' t get my letter let me know and I will write you anudder. P. S. S. Two times — Just received that $5.00 I owe you but have closed the letter and can ' t get it in. (Letter from Jo. Schmiegal to Ray Hart.) MY AUTO ' TIS OF THEE. My auto ' tis of thee, Short road to poverty, Of thee I chant. I blew a pile of dough. On you three years ago ; Now you refuse to go. Or won ' t or can ' t. Through town and country side, You were my joy and pride, A happy day. I loved the gaudy hue. The nice white tires, new. But you ' re down and out for true. In every way. To thee old rattlebox. Come many bumps and knocks, For thee I grieve. Badly the top is torn, Frayed are the seats and worn; The whooping cough affects thy horn, I do believe. Thy perfume swells the breeze. While good folks choke and wheeze, As we pass by. I paid for thee a price, ' Twould buy a mansion twice. Now everybody ' s yelling ice. Thy motor has the grip. The spark plug has the pip, And who is thine. I, too, have suffered chills. Fatigue and kindred ills. Endeavoring to pay my bills. Since thou wert mine. Gone is my bank roll now, No more ' twould choke a cow, As once before. Yet, if I had the mon, So help me, John, amen, I ' d buy a car again. And speed some more. F. GALARNO I know a guy so dumb that he thinks that musicians eat piano rolls for breakfast.

Page 122 text:

HUSBANDS ORGANIZE PROTECTIVE SOCIETY MAN ATTACKED BY FEROCIOUS BEAST First Step Taken To Abolish Midnight Pocket Pilfering. Savannah. — A new society has been organ- ized in Savannah under the name of the Anti-Pilfering League. Husbands came from near and far to enroll in the club, among them being such distinguished citizens as Mayor Benson of Little Rock, Leland Walker, Im- perial Wizard Curott of a New York secret society, and the Rt. Rev. Francis Pitts. At the initial meeting of the order, resolu- tions were adopted, the essence of which were as follows: That the members of this association had bound themselves together in an effort to prevent their wives from midnight pocket pilfering. The interest of the session was brought to a humorous climax when Rev. Pitts stated that his wife had found a pair of dice and matches in his pockets. The Gazette warns Mr. Pitts against carry- ing dice in his pockets as this is a dangerous practice, especially since the founding of the Society for the Extermination of Crap Shoot- ers. C. McDonald: What I want to know is, am I a bass or baritone? Miss Sickles: No, you ' re not Senior reciting Milton ' s Sonnet on His Blindness : They also serve who only sit and rest. STEEPLE JACK FALLS FROM FLAG POLE Breaks Contract Alfred Navarro, famous steeplejack and daredevil entertainer, fell from a flagpole on top of a building, here today, and broke his contract. Navarro had been engaged by the Metropolitan Entertainment Company to per- form, the contract reading that if any acci- dent occurs in which party of the second part fails to act as heretofore stated, the validity of this contract will be questionable. Navarro fell from the flagpole, and light- ed in an awning seven stories below. He broke his contract. They ' ll have chipped beef at the Greeks tonight, observed the fat carpenter, as he fell on the buzz saw. Compton Narrowly Escapes Injury Freeport, Illinois. — Hugo Compton, a farm- er living seven miles south of Freeport, nar- rowly escaped serious injury and possibly death, Friday night when a ferocious mule, owned by a neighboring farmer, broke through the hedge fence and charged down upon him. Compton, realizing his danger, fled across a corn field, with the infuriated beast in hot pursuit. Cy Shumaker, sheriff of Williams county, happened along, and the noise from the motor of his Crow-Elkhai ' t so frightened the mule that it died from shock a few mo- ments later. There ' s health in every drop, said the steeple-jack as the rope broke. ENGINEERS CONVENE AT CLEVELAND President Bloomfield of the National Asso- ciation of Engineers, threw open the doors of Cleveland to the throngs who are to take part in the coming convention, at the Hotel Cleve- land. Ray Blackstone, M. S., will give a talk on his recent engineering feat, that of moving a skyscraper, while Hugh Bloomfield will ad- dress the audience on his dredging of the Amazon, also the construction of the Swan Creek Municipal Pier. MICHIGAN MY MICHIGAN Home of my heart, I sing to thee Michigan my Michigan, A colder land there ne ' er could be, Michigan my Michigan. Nine dreary months of snow and sleet; We limp around with frozen feet, Yer derned old climate can ' t be beat, Michigan my Michigan. Your loyal sons will ne ' er forget Michigan my Michigan ; This year ' s the coldest winter yet, Michigan my Michigan. Your cold winds howl around our knees. We poke the fire and sit and freeze O ! what ' s the use of B. V. D. ' s In Michigan my Michigan. Ray Blackstone ' 23.

Page 124 text:

Son : Papa, tell me a joke. Papa (interested in paper) : mama? ' How about Bugs Dice: I came awfully close to pick- ing up a girl tonight. Kid Burns: How ' s that? Bugs Dice: ' I asked her if she ' d like to take a ride and she ' No! ' No Extra Charge, Either. Waiter! There ' s a fly in my ice cream. Serves him right; let him freeze. Wife (finding husband drunk) : John, this is the last straw. Husband: Thass awright, m ' dear; I never use ' em. Just give me the bottle. F. Cherry: Did you ever kiss a girl when she wasn ' t expecting it? A. Diebel: I doubt it. H. Doering (in Maga ' s trying to cut his steak) : Say, waiter, how was this steak cooked? Waiter: Smothered in onions, sir. Doering: Well, it died hard. J. Lewis: Miss Vanderhoof ' s sick in bed today. F. Galarno: Thasso? What ' s the com- plaint? Lewis: No complaint, everybody ' s satis- fied. Miss Boyle (in 11th English) : What does a king sit on? B. Ross: On his throne, Miss Boyle: Now, Bert, construct a sen- tence using the word ' throne ' correctly. B. Ross: Father gave me such a licking that I can ' t set on my throne. T. Appleby: Waiter, bring me the nine things I like. Waiter: What are they, sir? T. Appleby: Hash. She : The women of today are able to meet any situation. He : If I were to kiss you, how would you meet the situation? She : Face to face. Flip Kessel : Have you read the write-up in the Bible of the Egyptian tennis game? Mr. Haggard: No, what does it say? Flip Kessle: Joseph served in Pharaoh ' s court. I call my girl snapshot, because every where I go she wants to be taken. Is that so? I call mine film, because she ' s so well developed. R. Hart: I think Reginald French is the most modest man I ever knew. H. Snyder: How ' s that? R. Hart: Why, his girl called him on the phone this morning and he wouldn ' t answer because he was in his pajamas. Orchestra Drummer: I ' m the fastest man in the world. Violinist: How ' s that? O. D.: Time flies, doesn ' t it? v.: So they say. O. D. : Well, I beat time. Abe. O. : I sure miss the cuspidor since it has gone. L. Rankin : You did that when it was here, that ' s why it is gone. M. LaFluer: Have you a match for this blouse? Haughty Sales Girl: Yes, and I ' ll give you some kerosene, too. The stingiest fellow we ' ve heard of yet is Cliff Curott. He had a toy baloon vulcan- ized yesterday. There was a stage star named Celestus, When she danced the applause was tempestu- ous She whirled and she tripped ' Till her shoulder strap slipped And they had to ring down the asbestus. ■ ' Ponies ? Mr. Schrieber: Now, Mr. Dankert, don ' t you think you had better turn the page? You already have translated the first ten lines on the following page. ' Chaperone at Senior Party: What do you mean by letting that young man kiss you, part of the performance took place right un- der my nose. V. Shurry: Then what are you kicking about? C. Murray: Got a nail in your tire? Tiny Mertz : Naw, ran over a fork in the road. Tell a girl a good story and she ' ll laugh at it. Tell her a bad one and she ' ll repeat it. ' No, Hazel, getting a ring out of a dumb- bell is not as easy as it sounds. Now that the skirts are getting longer, the girls are again leaving a little to our imagi- nation. E. Hudson: Why the crepe over the kitchen sink? Who ' s dead? M. Myer: Crepe? Oh, that ' s the towel.