West Side High School - Legenda Yearbook (Saginaw, MI)

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Sadie Doerfnei- — Don ' t you think Albertine ' s voice ought to be cultivated? Miss Sickles — No, I think it should be harvested. A western evangelist makes a practice of painting religious mottos on rocks and stones along the public highways. On one bi ' - flat rock he painted these words, What Will You Do When You Die? An advertising gazabo came along and painted underneath that question, Use Delta Oil; Good for Burns. Judge (to prisoner) — What ' s your name? Prisoner — S-s-stephen S-s-smith, s-s-:ir. Judge — Where do you live? Prisoner — S-s-surry S-t-treet S-s-surbition, S-i-sir. Judge (to policeman) — Constable, what is this man charged with? Constable — Begor, sir, Oi think he ' j charged with sodywather. Olive— But — No! Just No. Once — No. Please — ' ' N Henry, why didn ' t you shave? Prof. Rodock — When you examine a dog ' s lungs under the microscope, what do you find? Pinky — The seat of his pants, I suppose. Frank D. — What shape is the world in? Ralph S. — The book sayj it ' s round, but dad says it ' s in a hang of a shape. Miss Rings — Mr. Smith, I see you have a bad cold. Fay (with a tremendous snuffle) — You don ' t see it now, do you? Chipie — How long can a person live without brains? Dick — How old are you? Judge — You are sentenced to hang by the neck until dead. Sentenced — Oh, Judge, I believe you are stringing me. Ruth A. — Really, I seldom cross my feet in a jitney. Hazel B. — I hardly ever wear silk ones either. Heard After the Junior Play. M. W. — Can you drive with one hand? Chas. (eagerly) — You bet I can. Marian (sweetly) — Then pick up my handkerchief from the floor, will you please? Brownie — Conditions in Mexico are still pretty muddy. Wagner — Yes, it ' s a country of frequent reigns. Grube — How was that snapshot of Morgan in his bathing suit? Skinny — No good. Chas. — What was the matter? Skinny — Too much exposure. Daring — There, I ' ll have no more trouble with this book. I just took out its appendix. Powers — Can ' t you speak to a gentleman when you see him? Gugle — Where is he? Art W. — Where do you bathe? Kid R. — In the spring. Art W. — No, no, not when. Where? Miss Kilbourne (angrily) — Do you want to talk? Class (one yell) — Yes. Miss K. — Well, I don ' t want you to. Roy (as the team goes by) — Look! There goes Friske, the short stop. He ' ll soon be our best man. Erma — Oh, Roy; this is so sudden.

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Davis (feeling sulky said to Miss Morgan) : You can ' t even walk down the aisle any more without someone jumping on your neck. You ' ll never see me on your neck, Mr. Davis, replied Miss Morgan. Don — This fish is very rich. Bill — Yes, it is well supplied with bones. Dick — Cheer up, old man. Why don ' t you drown your sorrow? Chick — She ' s bigger than I am, and besides, it would be murder. Hawkins — Men lose their hair because they use their brains too much. Pinky — Do you notice that women don ' t have whiskers. Catherine — Captain why do they always refer to a ship as she? Captain — You wouldn ' t ask that question if you tried to steer one. Hazel B. — Lady Macbeth was a small women, for a large woman couldn ' t have had her brains. Miss K. — Any insinuations. Hazel? Fat — Mr. Hefron is very forgetful. I heard he left his false teeth in Bay City last month. Skin — That ' s nothing, I heard he was going to Oklahoma for his lungs. I presume you carry a memento of some kind in that locket you wear? asked an inquisitive woman. Dorothy — Yes, it ' s a lock of my husband ' s hair. But your husband is still alive! the lady exclaimed with surprise. Dorothy — Yes, that is true, but his hair is gone. Now Pat, said a magistrate sympathetically to an old offender, what brought you here again? Two policemen, sor, was the laconic reply. Drunk, I suppose? queried the magistrate. Yes, sor, said Pat without relaxing a muscle, both of them. Morrison: Will Winifred be at school today? Mrs. Lang — No, my son will be unable to attend as he has just shaved himself for the first time. Zass — I vish I vas religious as Abe. Art— Vy? Zass — ' He holds his hands so tight in church that he can ' t open them ven day pass the plate. In introducing a speaker, Mr. Allen said : We have a speaker who will speak of fools, by one (long pause) of the best speakers in America. The man rose and said: I am not so big a fool as Professor Allen there, (pause) would have you believe. Think it Over Why can ' t the husband of a grass widow marry a widow? Because he ain ' t. Kerekt. Home Companion I know a man that has been married thirty years and he spends all his evenings at home. That ' s what I call love. Oh, no, it ' s paralysis. Maid (from next door) — Mr. Jones sends his compliments and would you please shoot your dog as it keeps him awake? Mr. Hart — Give my respects to Mr. Jones and tell him I shall be greatly his debtor if he will poison his daughter and burn his piano. Teacher — What are the sister states? C. J. — Pm not sure, but I think they are Miss Ouri, Ida Ho, Mary Land, Calie Fornia, Louisa Ann, Delia Ware, Minnie Sota, and Mrs. Sippi. Soldier (to his captain) — - Captain, may I have a furlough? My wife and three children are down sick with diphtheria. Your wife just wrote me and said she didn ' t want you home. That means I don ' t get a furlough then? Yes. Say, captain, there are two liars in this room, and I ' m one of them, I ' m not married.

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Laborer — Hurrah for the Red — Pugilist — What ' s that? Laborer — White and Blue. Fat — Im Mr. Morrison doesn ' t take back what he said this morning, I am going to leave High School. Jack — What did he say? Fat — He told me to leave. Then the minister spoke: Let the lights of the wicked be put out. The church became instantly dark. Then the minister spoke again with perfect presence of mind: We will now spend a few minutes of silent meditation for the electric light company. Tit for Tat Husband to young wife after a party: Was that you I kissed in the hall, love? What time was it, dear? Mr. Shepherd had reached the climax of his speech and said: Hell is full of cock-tails, high-balls, and peek-a-boo waists. Hackett (from balcony) — Oh death, where is thy stinger? Mistress (to cook from the country) — Well, what do you think of our gas fires? Cook — I think them wonderful, ma ' am. Why those in the kitchen haven ' t gone out since I came here over a week ago. That girl ' s heir — Yes, isn ' t it awful — To three million. Nice. M. Tanner — Why is an empty purse always the same, my boy? R. M. — ' fraid I can ' t tell you. M. Tanner — Why, because you never see any change in it. What ' s the matter, Abe? You ' re looking worried. Work — nothin ' but work — from morning till night. ' Ow long have you been at it? I begin tomorrow. Why does an ostrich have such a long neck? Because its head is so far away from its body, I guess. What part of the town do you live in? I live in the petticoats. Where? Just inside the outskirts. Davis — Mother is going to act as chaperon. Ann — Is she a good one? Davis — You bet, she ' s rather deaf, and I ' ll see that she loses her glasses. No Place for a Fat Man The elevator boy was only ten years old and small for his age. Into the building wheezed a regular fat man, one of the kind nobody loves. He eyed the lad for a moment and thei observed, You ' re a pretty small boy to be running an elevator, ain ' t you. Bob? Yes, sir, answered the boy and there was a twinkle in his eye. But you see, they hired me ' cause the ropes broke with the heavier boys. The fat man painfully wheezed his way up the winding stairway. So Miss Jones is angry with her doctor. Why is that? He tactlessly remarked that he would soon have her looking like her old self again. Do you know why a man ' s hair turns gray before his mustache? No. Why? It ' s about twenty years older. Poetry — No, I Guess Not Little drops of water Freezing as they fall; Fat man ' s feet fly upward, Biff! and that is all. Fresh — Can you tell me why the Statue of Liberty ' s hand is just eleven inches - long? Soph — Why, certainly, if they had made it any longer it would have been a foot.