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Page 129 text:
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Heard in a Girl ' s Cloakroom H. Beach — ' Dick asked me to go to the All School Party tonight. Gee, I hope he ' s sick. Teacher — Was Lancelot in knightly costume when he set out in search of the Holy Grail? Student — No ' m, he was in the clothes he wore in the day time. Miss Morgan — Flint is noted for automobiles, and when we mention Battle Creek, we think of breakfast foods. Now, what is Saginaw noted for? Class (one yell) — Moonshine! Miss Foote, telling some of her former experiences: Before I came here, I taught a class in zoology sophomore you know, and it was the first time I had ever taught reptiles. Due to our new marking system, many of our very lively students have re- ceived the following upon their report cards: Eng. History Oral Eng. Physics D E AD Miss Morgan — Who discovered tobacco in the United States? Warren Thomson — Prince Albert. Miss Morgan — What did the colonists raise on the river bottoms? Harry Gnathowske — Mostly fish. Miss Ascher — What do girls do for recreation? Curly Norton — Fix their hair. Roscoe Hefron — When girls are present, fellows refrain from swearing. Wilfred Ochsenkehl — They may not swear, but they do a devil of a lot of thinking. Bessie Close — The Senior Party will be held — Saturday, March 19. Morris Brown — Aw, I can ' t go; that ' s the night I take my annual bath. Miss Boyles — Ann, explain this passage, please: ' Sir Rodger de Coverly ' s coat was in and out six times. ' Ann Powell — It means his coat has been in the wash six times. Ruth Schoeneberg— Aw, she ' s wrong, it means his coat was turned inside out six times. Harry Gnathowski — You ' re all wrong, it means his coat was out of style and in style at six different times. Miss Boyle — Correct, my boy, correct. The school orchestra had just rendered a most pathetic selection. Mr. Steel rose and said : Just think of a nice new building where this wonderful orchestra can practice in a room where no one can hear it. Miss Sickels — Oh, I didn ' t think they were that bad. Mr. Morrison talks so much about co-operation, we wonder if he enjoys his home life. Mr. Morrison (just after diving into the Y pool) : Boy, that ' s the coldest plunge I ' ve taken in a long while. Sy Perkins — What ' s the matter, did your wife leave you? Roy — What is a delicate woman? Ila — One that catches cold every time she tears her hair net. Toots Bluem received a severe scolding when the following note was found by his mother: Her hands were cold. As cold as ice. Did I hold them? No! She sat on them. Miss Kilbourne — Warren, give a sentence with indigo in it. (Lapse of three minutes) — The baby, (pause) was in de go cart. Hay — No lie has ever passed my lips. Davis — No, you talk through your nose. Curly — What is a ground hog? Marq — A frankfurter.
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Page 130 text:
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Hefron — Helup! Helup! Oxe ' s stuck in the mud. Gile — How deep? Hefron — Up to his knees. Gile — Tell him to walk out. Hefron — He ' s in the wrong way. A railroad received the following message; Dear Sirs: My razor back, strolled down your track, a week ago today. Your 29 came down the line, and snuffed his life away. You can ' t blame me, the hog you see, slipped through a cattle gate. So kindly pen a check for ten, the debt to liquidate. Yours truly, CAROL COMPTON. He received this answer: Dear Sir: Your razor back, strolled down our track, a week ago, we know. But razor b acks, on railroad tracks, quite often meet with woe. You see my friend, we cannot send, the check for which you pine. So plant the dead, place o ' er his head: Here lies a foolish swine. Fresh — How long should a girl ' s skirt be? Soph — A little over two feet. Scheib — Why do you call your rifle, Roscoe? Grube — It ' s a smooth bore. Cox — I know you. Ethel— Who am I? Cox — Nobody. Ethel — Good heavens, I am discovered. Who were the first gamblers? Adam and Eve. How so? Didn ' t they shake a par-o-dice? Snyder — Mother gives me a penny every time I take my medicine. Zass — What do you do with the money? Snyder — I save it and when I get 75 cents mother uses it to buy a new bottle. A young man whose funds were slack was looking under the side of the big tent at the circus. A donkey came along and succeeded in kicking him into the center of the ring. How did you get in here? asked the amazed and angry ring master. I was as ' ted in here, replied the befumbled lad. Paw — Wall, I ' m glad to see that Si is doin ' suthin with his music in college. Nell— Is he? Paw- — Yes, he writes home that he ' s playing third base on the college nine. East Sider — Who won the game? Second — The surgeons haven ' t decided yet. Jew — Fritz, you owe me ten dollars. German — - Nein, Abe, nein. Jew — Veil, I ' ll make it nine diss time. Metcalf — Can the sardine box? Ross — No, but the tomato can. Boy — Gimme a penny ' s worth of mixed candies. Grocer — Here ' s two my lad. You can mix them yourself. Louis Coash says he doesn ' t like pears, we wonder why. Pete Lang — Would you call snoring sheet music? Most Things go to the buyer, but coal goes to the cellar. Olaf, working in a warehouse, backed into an elevator shaft and fell down five stories with a load of boxes. Horror stricken, the other employees rushed down stairs only to find him picking himself, unharmed, out of the I ' ubbish. Ess de boss mad? he whispered cautiously. Tal ' em Ay had to come down for nails, anyway. Cox — If you stood in my shoes, what would you do? Powers — Get a shine.
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