West Shore High School - School Memories Yearbook (Harrisburg, PA)

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vine that Shirlie Widener was living there and had married one of the natives because she couIdn't find any American men to please her. You know she was always hard to please. There's Gerry Umholtz, intoxicated on Sun-Ripe Orange drink again. She's always hanging out at Jim Youndt's Ice Cream Parlor because that's the only place she can get served. I guess Jim feels sorry for the poor girl since he knows how it is. Look at poor Bill Slothower. He's been unem- ployed for the past ten years. Bill-says he's going to change things for the better by going on strike, because they raised his unemployment in- surance rates. Of course Ellen Paul surprised everyone too. She went on a Gain-Weight diet and is now training for the Women's Heavyweight Championship of the World. While we're on the subject of sports, did you know that Dan Trayer and Leo Davis organized an all-girl football team? Ginger Boyles is the fullback, Rosy Trout plays center, and Bonny Lovell plays quarterback when she's not sidelined from laughter. I'm glad that Susan Underwood, Ellen Birk and Sandi Stetler, famous piano trio, could take time from their world tour and come to the reunion. Charlotte Arnold helps them keep time with her ever faithful cymbals and does bookkeeping on the side. Jackie Willis, the first woman Prime Minister of England, has arranged for the trio to appear before the king and queen on their next trip abroad. Jackie's been doing a very good iob even though public opinion has been against her. She recently sent those international spies, Maxine Eichleberger, Marie Eade, and Pat Boyer, to blow up the Kremlin. They ought to get a big bang out of that assignment. Wow! I'm getting a bang out of this. Here comes Pat Bubbles Bean and her chorus line, Betty Handz, Sally Hancock, Brenda Greenawalt, Ginny McCombs and Mert Hoch. They recently opened at the Sweat Shop, managed by Barb Shorter, who's struggling to support her hus- band, John Neff, who lust bought a new sports car on the time payment plan. I guess they took Diana Stone's place who has retired on her laurels after making a new album, Music to Commit Suicide By. You get the effect as you listen to it. I believe Jeanne Tyler and Pam Hippensteel are cigarette girls at the Sweat Shop and Dotty James is a hat-check girl. They had a good business until last spring. Then Al Quigley opened his opera house in which he stars singing The Barber of Seville. Also playing at Al's are the Little Lemon Sisters, Mary Purks, Sissy Bair, Jo-Ann Schaeffer, Nancy Shuler, Sandy Rishar, and Rita Reitenbach. Do you remember the book Gayle Ritchie wrote, Short Fat Fannie ? Well, she's producing a stage show with the same title in which she plays the leading role. Dennis Marston plays the villain, naturally. I guess they'II open at Ham- macher's Hideaway, run by Carol and Sylvia, where you see double all the time. Here come the space travelers of the class. They are none other than Jerry Wehler and George Little, inventors of the solar rocket. They have iust returned from the moon where they left Sue Snyder and Nancy Watson to study crater formations while Ruth and Alverta Stewart check to see if it's really made out of green cheese. Did you notice the disgust eminating from Dave Stine and Larry Updegraph, our bowling enthusi- asts? They've been tied on Championship Bowling for eight weeks and neither one has knocked down a pin. They each claim Stage Fright. We do have a couple of winners with us though. Kay Nelson and Pat Miller entered their soap-box in the derby in Vera Cruz and won by an orange crate. Well, they're not the only ones. Bonnie Tuthill and Judy Sheffer are running tops in the Miss Universe contest and the iudges are having a rough time. That's mostly because Joe DiRienzo can't make up his mind who to vote for and until he does, the vote is tied. It was difficult to interview Elaine Best and Joan Ponesmith, those famous book critics. They've iust previewed that new book written by Bonnie and Nancy Long. It's the story of Glenn Rhinehart and how he became an under- study to Yul Brynner. I believe it's called The Long, Long, Gray Beard. Confidentially, they predict it will be a flop which probably means it will turn into a best seller. Well, Tex, I guess that iust about takes care of each member of the class of '58. According to this prophecy their names have not made history but we seriously predict that each mem- ber will play an important role in this complex but challenging society. SUE STOLZER JIM RITTER

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CLASS PROPHECY It is the year 1980. The place is the Gettysburg Battlefield. The scene is the reunion of the class of 1958. We experienced so much fun in 1957 restaging the original battle, armed with cameras, firecrackers and the like, that we decided to come back for another Try. As I sit here, gazing out over the vast battle- field, I see a lonely figure approaching deeply engrossed in a Mad magazine. lt's Sue Stolzer, world famed editor of the same. Hi, Sue, where is everyone? Hi, Tex, I think everyone is down in Devil's Den, where else? Let's stroll on down and see if it's still there. By the way, Tex, what have you been doing these past few years? Well, after serving my hitch in the French Foreign Legion, I became interested in girls and started writing letters to the Lonely Hearts, which happens to be managed by Aldine Solves Every- body's Problems But Her Own Steinemann and Jessie Men Bore Me Shutt. Well, here we are, and there's Earl Williams setting the stage with some hysterical impersona- tions of the characters in EvangeIine, the new production in which he's starring. He's a great actor now, but then, he always was. Speaking of actors, there's Sue Mathers, star of the new play, Sweater Girl, which was writ- ten by those hilarious playwrights, Annetta Hil- bish and Judy Fetterolf. I also heard that Bill Minister took Mat DiIlon's place on Gunsmoke and started a new show called Disintegrater Fumes. Jim Weikert plays his sidekick, Crusty. lt's too bad Marlin Grimwood couldn't be with us. I understand he's in New York finishing a course in ballet under the instruction of Lana Leone to improve his basketball playing. I think Marlin should reconsider and go into show busi- ness. A goodly number of our classmates went into show business. Harry McKilIips took Hal March's place on the 564,000 Crack-pot Question with his able assistants, Pat Maclay, Emily Myers, and Erin Harder. I guess Ken Bowman and Charlie Crisp are home cramming now. They're supposed to be on the show tonight to try for S128,000 and prove that two heads are better than none. Look, there are those big, big businessmen, Charlie Stemler, Jeff Jenkins, and Scott Miller, who are still bagging faithfully at the A 8. P's new branch in Dogpatch. That place is really expanding with Betty Wentz, Carolyn Kern, and Ruth Mat- thews opening a new Murphy store right across the road. It sure must be. The biggest flower enterprise in the United States, owned and managed by John Lemke and Ray Cotton, is opening a new branch there. The exclusive, cold, drab business of Myers' Merry Mortuary is supplied with Lemke's rare and beautiful flowers. Wayne Myers' Mortuary business is quite pros- perous. That's because of the gang of Bill Add- ing. Machine Hale, consisting of Machine-Gun Joe Enney, Jack Scarface Kranzel and John Meatcleaver Masonheimer. Their chief rivals are Gary Babyface Moore, Charlie Deal alias Mouse, Bulls-eye Ray Bender and Joe Black- lack Bower. I guess that group really keeps near-sighted Eddie Kapp busy trying to keep law and order. He still can't see two feet in front of him, even with his glasses. It looks like Helen Todd, Joyce Prosser, Louella Starner, Sandy Snook, Sandy Johnson, and Reta Baum are really sticking to their knitting. They started a knitting club for lady cigar smokers since Agibail Van Buren declared it impolite to smoke them in public. While we're on the domestic side, Helen Mays and Ron Harro, famous inventors of the portable parking place, remarried after some reconcilia- tion by that famous marriage counselor, Sande Wagner. I hear she helped Allen The Muncher Hayden and Linda Green settle their differences, too. There's Stan Johnston, manager of the John- ston Wagonwheel Cigar Manufacturing Company. He married Barb Hutchinson, chief tester in the factory, but divorced her a year later on the grounds of tobacco breath. Her good friend, Ginny Clegg, has also had her share of bad luck. Due to circumstances beyond her control, she is now in Reno finishing off her thirteenth marriage. A moment ago I was talking to the Rev. and Mrs. James Stoner. Mrs. Stoner was the former Beverly Stephens. They informed me that Carolyn Varner and her colleague, Jean Gates, are doing a marvelous job converting and civilizing the Ubangies. Carolyn always had a soft spot in her heart for that particular tribe and she wrote that she was very happy. I also heard by the grape-

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