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Page 35 text:
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CLASS PROPHECY Russell Winchell Joan Hallbeck NEWS FLASH: The men from Mars were experimenting with radar and accidentally contacted one of West Salem’s party lines and this is some of the things they heard: Did you hear, Mary, that: Miss Bonnie Giese is now a missionary at the South Pole, teaching penguins how to ice skate. Iva Lou Knakmus, the well known designer, is now designing dog sweaters made from bird feathers. And say, Mary, did you know that: Mrs. Jack Grobleben, the former Miss Inez Poynter, has decided that she likes West Salem so well she has married one of its natives, and is going to make it her home. While Jack, her ever-loving husband, is trying to cross jack rabbits and horses in an effort to give horses a quick start and win the Kentucky Derby. You don’t say, well, I heard the other day that: Mrs. Bill Kerster, the former Miss Dot Fritchley, has been helping her husband in his experiments in trying to find the fourth dimension. While Bill, her devoted husband, blew his arm off a week ago experimenting with atomic power trying to see if it would clean his finger nails. John Howard, that handsome newspaper man, has a new column entitled, “Stay away from dames and live longer” or “How to live happy and die young.” Oh, yes, and did you know that: Williams Store has now employed three models that graduated from the West Salem High School ten years ago and have been living in New York all this time going to finishing schools out there. They are. and are all very pretty—Mary Ellen Provine, Mary Ann Marx, and Clarabel Clodfelter. Yes, Mary, but the worst I’ve heard yet is that: Harold Hardy has now become a great explorer in the vast wild wilderness of Alaska and has a Harem Scarem of eleven Eskimo Squaws. And it’s utterally disgraceful that: Miss Koertge, once a country gal, is now hitting all the night clubs of West Salem, with Everett Beehn, her latest love. Everett Beehn who has inherited the Southern Illinois Lumber Company is work- ing on the project of building roads and walks out of wood.
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