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Page 24 text:
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s c H O L A R S H IN the ancient days of classicism, the learned were crowned with wreaths of laurel. In these days of modernism, knowledge still commands respect, and the laurel motif lives on in the border of the Golden Key of Scholarship. The ultimate goal of Western aspirations is the recognition of scholastic achievement .... the coveted title of honor . Member of the Key Society ' P
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Page 23 text:
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NINETEEN HUNDRED AND THIRTy STATISTICAL REPORTS PERTAINING TO THE GRADUATING If all the A Seniors were laid shoulder to shoulder, they would reach slightly higher than the Eiffel Tower, but that is not the point: if all the seniors had taken turns living, somebody, probably Donnie Weeks, would have been existing in a cyclical fashion some odd 2420 years ago, about the time Olympus was chief warden of heaven, and I Icrculcs signed advertisements for Post bran Hakes. Weeks must have been an Olympic games winner . . . or maybe he was waterboy to Ben 1 lur. A Kilborn has been found in an old feudal manuscript, one whose genealogical derivation is not connected with Script. The amazing chronicle discloses the fact that Sir Kilborn got his ancestral practice from rescuing damsels in distress. Statistics gleaned from many toiling, laborious hours in the musty volumes of forgotten lore resting in the aged dust of the office, reveal that Muirhcad and Kilborn either were not born—they just grew like Topsy— or perhaps they have dyed their hoary heads and plucked their straggly beards, ashamed to divulge the secret of their biological advancement. It is even whispered that they are Cartaphilus and Kotikokura in disguise. . . . If that be the case, then Kilborn must be a considerable artist at make-up! Witness his success in deceiving those famous masters, or rather mistresses, of that art. Barring these two of indefinite age, the genuine box-spring automatic wheelchair, (as comfortable and homely as Grandmother Brown’s four-poster), goes to one Dorothy I lolzbach. Possibly the date of her arrival. April first, some twenty years ago, has something to do with this revelation coming from the female of the species. Queen of the sixteen-year old kindergarteners is Brenda Fischer, who was given to the world within two or three days before Thanksgiving, 191.3. I ler subjects number eight, of which two are boys. Of the whole class, those who have weathered seventeen terms of Richardson, Beck and Lackerstecn equal the total of all the others. The three born in 1909, the fourteen in 1910, and the forty-four in 1911, together with the eight in 191.3, just equal half of the class. Figure it out for yourself. The diamond—not in the Edgar Wallace sense—has a very small following in the class: only ten were born in December. It is hoped that this has nothing to do with their post-school lives, as the percentage of marriages in the world is growing smaller. Snow and roses are the most popular among the caps and gowns; sixteen of them chose January, and a like number. June, in which to make their initial appearance. The devotees of the rose are luckiest when they receive pearls. It looks as if “tuxes,” in the future, must be accompanied with pearl studs in order to give the wearer a square chance. The favorites of blizzards must be satisfied with a lowly garnet, though not so unlucky at that. It is quite evident that garnets are not such purse purgers as diamonds and pearls are. Well . . . you probably stopped reading this long ago, so what is the use of writing any more. 11 1
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