West Fairmont High School - Maple Leaves Yearbook (Fairmont, WV)

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4 ' ll Elf-IPL-Qi-.lSflUE3 '11 Lillian Cook-- You may take back your ring. Harold Jenkins -- 'iWhy? Don't your friends admire it? Lillian- Oh, quite-in fact, several of them recognized it. Frank Miller- Did you lose a dollar this morning? Earnest Pflock - Yes, I believe I did. Have you found one? Frank Miller- No, I just wondered how many had been lost this morning! Yours makes ninety-six. Visitor- ls your father home? Small Daughter- What is your name, please? Visitor- Just tell him it is his old friend, Bill. Small Daughter- Then he isn't in. be- cause I heard him tell mother that if any bills came he wasn't at home. Reginald, said a Sunday School teacher. during a lesson on the baptismal covenant. can you tell me the two things necessary to baptism? Yes, ma'am, said Reginald, water and a baby. Usher- Singles only. Mrs. .Iones-'iOh. shucks. I'm married. Nice old Pastor- Have you been bap- tized my child? The Child-- I dunno. but I've been vas- sinated. That man has designs on me, said the sailor as he left the tatooer's booth. Dealer- Did I understand you to say that the parrot I sold you uses improper language? Smart Senior- Unbearable! Why, yes- terday I heard him split an infinitive. Parson- You love to go to Sunday School, don't you, Brown? Brown- Yes, sir. Parson- What do you expect to learn today? Brown- The date of the picnic. She- I wonder if you remember me? Twenty years ago you asked me to marry you. Absent-minded Prof.- Ah, yes, and did you? And what did you do when the ship sank in mid-ocean? Oh, I just grapped a cake of soap and washed ashore. ADVICE TO FRESHMEN Don't chew gum in chapel. It gets on the faculty's nerves. Don't fall downstairs. It makes too much of a congestion at the bottom of the stairs. Don't fail to get into Miss Kincaid's arith- metic class. You might miss some fun. Don't spoon in the hall. It makes the fac- ulty jealous. Don't salute correctly in chapel. Someone might take up your idea. Don't talk in the library. You might be called down. Don't lean over too far in the balcony. You might topple over. Don't pay attention to your teachers. You might learn something. Don't try to copy after the Seniors. You might show us that you are green. Busted again. said the automobile tire as it ran over the broken bottle. Miss I-Iarshbarger- The cement plant up at Rowlesburg throws off so much lime that all vegetation in that area is killed? Genevieve Fox- Do you mean to tell me that one little flower does all that? The Custom Ofhcer eyed the bottle sus- piciously: It's only ammonia. stammered the re- turning passenger. Oh. is it? asked the Custom Oflicer. taking a long drink. It was. Father fangrilyl- Young man. didn't I see you kiss my daughter? Lover- Really, I don't know. I was too busy to notice. I've got that down Pat, said Mrs. Flan- nigan as she gave her son a dose of castor oil. What did your grandfather say when they amputated his leg? He yelled. 'I-Iey, what's coming oh' there.' Is Oswald lazy? Lazy? Why. he's so lazy he comes home every night pretending he's drunk just so the boys will undress him and put him to bed. Page 1-X8

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H2 11 26 me Leuztiv' 55 FII Doctor- Undoubtedly you need more ex- ercise. What is your occupation? Patient- I'm a piano-mover. Doctor lrecovering quicklyj- Well-er -hereafter move two pianos at a time. I guess I'm stuck, said the Hy as he lit on the flypaper. Miss Smith fto Maple Leaves Staffj- Will you please close that door. That is the way things get out. Harold Schimmel- My girl is divine. E. Jackson- Yours may be de vine, but mine is de berries. Pete-'AI-Iow come dat lump on yo' haid? Repeat- Oh, I got dat when I was oper- ated on. See, day ran out of ether. 'AI'll tell you something you can't wear out. I'll bite: Jack Dempsey? No, a hole in your pants. 'iWere you excited on your Wedding day? Excited? Say-I gave my bride ten dol- and tried to kiss the preacher. What became of the fellow that was killed the other day? A'Oh, he died. Women are wearing their stockings in sausage fashion now. Below knees. Boy- Why do you use so much powder and paint? Girl- Don't you think it helps my com- lars plexion? Boy- I don't know: I've never seen your complexion. Frances Fisher- Can you drive with one hand? Fred Glover- Ah-YES. Frances Fisher- Then pick up my glove. Red Hammond- I understand that 'Nut' Jones went out on a picnic the other day and got tomaine poisoning. Alphy I-Iaymond- Do you suppose he left the food in tin too long? Red- Well, it was laying in the back seat of his Ford all afternoon. Taxi Driver- Your fare, miss. Evelyn Allard- Freshie! Page 137 TO LIZZIE My auto, 'tis of thee, Short cut to poverty. Of thee I chant. I blew a pile of dough On you cl year ago, And now you refuse to go, Or won't or can't. To thee old rattlebox, Came many bumps and knocks: To thee I grieve. Badly thy top is torn The whooping cough affects thy horn, I' believe. The motor has the grippe, The spark plugs have the pip, And woe is thine. I, too, have suffered chills, Ague, and kindred ills, Endeauoring to pay my bills, Since thou weft mine. Tom and Bill rushed into the p rlor where 3 the minister was calling and started to tell their mother their adventure. We just killed a rat. Tom hit him with a club. We jumped on him and stamped him until -he looked up and saw the min- ister- unti1 God called him home. One day an Irishman was seated in the waiting-room of the station with an odorous pipe in his mouth. One of the attendants called his attention to the sign: No smok- ing. Well, said Pat, I'm not smoking. But you have a pipe in your mouth. Sure, an' I've shoes on me feet, but I'm not walkin'! I 0 V A Lad and His Wonderful Lamp

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Q 'rpm' IEE :W -cpf?L6Lf5nve3? ' Z fill One- My dear, don't be silly. I was wearing my new slippers. Co-Ed- Stop that man! He wanted to kiss mel Cop- 'I'hat's all right, Miss, there'll be another along in a minute. Applicant- How much do I get for do- ing the weepin' act in that show? Manager- Thirty-five cents an hour. Applicant- What? For crying out loud! Mr. Kahn Cin Geometryj- Marguerite Morris. please draw a figure on the board. She does so. Mr. Kahn- Linger, can you find any tri- angles on Miss Morris' figure? Victim- Say, that wasn't my tooth you pulled. Dentist- Be patient. I'm coming to it. He- Do you believe, 'Out of sight, out of mind?' She- No. He- Then I guess I'll turn off the light. Miss Kirk- Who is the greatest modern exponent of his native dialect Tensil Tennant Cat back of room, -- Louderl Miss Kirk- Correct How many deaths? asked the hospital physician while going his rounds. ?-1 Nine. Why, I ordered medicine for ten. Yes, but one refused to take it. Professor fto class in surgeryj -- The right leg of the patient, as you see. is shorter than the left, in consequence of which he limps. Now, what would you do in a case of this kind? Bright Student- Limp, too. Keep 'em alive. boy! Keep 'em alive! said an old physician to his young brother practitioner. Dead men pay no bills. Wife- Oh, doctor. Benjamin seems to be wandering in his mind Doctor fwho knows Benjamini- Don't trouble about that-he can't go far. YH Richard S.- Why don't you sit on my knee? Moselle J.- Because my mother told me to stay away from joints. Page 139 X 'QM ..-if -. 'Zi 9 A L. A Troublesome Miss POOR OL' LIZ Elizabeth is getting old: her tale of life is almost told. No matter how I cuss or scold, she will not function when she's cold. She lacks her old-time jazz and pep: she's getting by just on her rep. There's many a blemish on her skin-soon I must trade the old girl in. Another Ford I must get, you cannot beat them on a bet. Customer - I'm giving a reception in honor of a gentleman, and I'd like to get a cake. What kind would you recommend? Shop-Girl- I would suggest something appropriate to the gentleman's calling. ma- dam. If he's a sculptor. a marble cake: if an athlete, a cupcake: if a musician, an oat- cake: if a horticulturist, a seed-cake, and so on. What is the gentleman's profession. please? Customer- He's a pianist. Shop-Girl- Then, of course, you want a pound-cake. She lay in his arms! A surge of emo- tion rushed through her frail body! Ten- derly he caressed her! She looked up at him out of pleading. blue eyes! And then he said-he said: Poor kitty, did I step on your tail? Mr. Hicks- What is it that human be- ings have that none of the rest of the animal species have? Lee Satterfield-''I-Ialitosis. Miss Ramey- What kind of watch you got? Mr. Hicks- It is a wonder watch? Miss Ramey- Wonder Watch? Never heard of that before. Mr. Hicks- Well, you see. it's this way. Every time I look at it I wonder what time it is.