West Fairmont High School - Maple Leaves Yearbook (Fairmont, WV)

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H2 11 26 me Leuztiv' 55 FII Doctor- Undoubtedly you need more ex- ercise. What is your occupation? Patient- I'm a piano-mover. Doctor lrecovering quicklyj- Well-er -hereafter move two pianos at a time. I guess I'm stuck, said the Hy as he lit on the flypaper. Miss Smith fto Maple Leaves Staffj- Will you please close that door. That is the way things get out. Harold Schimmel- My girl is divine. E. Jackson- Yours may be de vine, but mine is de berries. Pete-'AI-Iow come dat lump on yo' haid? Repeat- Oh, I got dat when I was oper- ated on. See, day ran out of ether. 'AI'll tell you something you can't wear out. I'll bite: Jack Dempsey? No, a hole in your pants. 'iWere you excited on your Wedding day? Excited? Say-I gave my bride ten dol- and tried to kiss the preacher. What became of the fellow that was killed the other day? A'Oh, he died. Women are wearing their stockings in sausage fashion now. Below knees. Boy- Why do you use so much powder and paint? Girl- Don't you think it helps my com- lars plexion? Boy- I don't know: I've never seen your complexion. Frances Fisher- Can you drive with one hand? Fred Glover- Ah-YES. Frances Fisher- Then pick up my glove. Red Hammond- I understand that 'Nut' Jones went out on a picnic the other day and got tomaine poisoning. Alphy I-Iaymond- Do you suppose he left the food in tin too long? Red- Well, it was laying in the back seat of his Ford all afternoon. Taxi Driver- Your fare, miss. Evelyn Allard- Freshie! Page 137 TO LIZZIE My auto, 'tis of thee, Short cut to poverty. Of thee I chant. I blew a pile of dough On you cl year ago, And now you refuse to go, Or won't or can't. To thee old rattlebox, Came many bumps and knocks: To thee I grieve. Badly thy top is torn The whooping cough affects thy horn, I' believe. The motor has the grippe, The spark plugs have the pip, And woe is thine. I, too, have suffered chills, Ague, and kindred ills, Endeauoring to pay my bills, Since thou weft mine. Tom and Bill rushed into the p rlor where 3 the minister was calling and started to tell their mother their adventure. We just killed a rat. Tom hit him with a club. We jumped on him and stamped him until -he looked up and saw the min- ister- unti1 God called him home. One day an Irishman was seated in the waiting-room of the station with an odorous pipe in his mouth. One of the attendants called his attention to the sign: No smok- ing. Well, said Pat, I'm not smoking. But you have a pipe in your mouth. Sure, an' I've shoes on me feet, but I'm not walkin'! I 0 V A Lad and His Wonderful Lamp

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l TQQXQ , li g zj ' fl6lPLEfLEAUE5 '11 Hakes I was a fish to bite on that one, said the mackerel, as he wrapped his mouth around a worm. Miss Billingslea Cto Brady Knightj -- Brady. name the three R's. Brady Cjust waking upj- Rah! Rahl Rahl Dortha Collins- You mean to tell me you fell from the Woolworth building and you're still living? Earnest Pflock- Sure, I only fell from the nrst floor window. Teacher- Helen, name the four seasons. Helen- Salt, Mustard, Vinegar. Pepper. Maude-- Tommy fainted at the Den- tist's the other night and we thought he was going to die. Pookey- Well, did he kick the bucket? Maude- No, he turned a little paill Earnest Pflock- What is the best thing out? Margaret Harden- A sore tooth. Jane Reed- Why do we buy clothes? Frank-- Because they don't give them away. This is boring. cried the drill as it passed through the wood. That tickles me. he said pointing to the flannel nightshirt hanging on the line. I've raised a lot of families. says the elevator boy. Father- So the teacher caught you using a bad word and punished you. Tommy- Yes, and she asked me where I learned it. Father- What did you tell her? Tommy- I didn't want to give you away, Pa, so I blamed it on the parrot. ,l....-1 Miss Crystal- Wilbur, have you your lesson? Wilbur- No? Miss Crystal- John, have you your les- son? John- No. Miss Crystal- I suppose you helped Wil- bur prepare his lesson last night. This hurts me worse than it hurts you. said the Siamese twin as her sister swallowed the medicine. A teacher asked a little boy, who was tak- ing a test: Do the questions embarrass you? And he answered: Noi But the answers do. A modern young girl was going to Europe on a steamer. Her diary is as fol- lows: lst day at sea: 2nd day at sea: very goodlooking. 3rd day at sea: captain. 4th day at sea: 5th day at sea: let him kiss me he 6th day at sea: Am very lonely. Met the captain. He is Wallked on deck with the Captain hugged me. Captain said if I did not would sink the ship. Saved 500 lives. ii.,- Usher- Singles-only. Miss Kincade- I'll take three if they're next to one another. Richard S. Lseeing knot holes in a piece of woodj- What are those? Bettie Carpenter-- They're knot holes. Richard S.- Oh, you can't fool me, I know they're some kind of holes. Bob Kline- Did you hear about my roommate F He was out walking the other day, and he came to a corncrib. He threw a cigarette carelessly away. and it caught on the corn- crib. In a minute the place was ablaze. The corn started to pop furiously, and my room- mate thought it was snow, and he froze to death. Mary. who had worked hard on her first cake. asked Charles how he liked it. Charles replied-- Oh, I guess it will do. Mary said in a very haughty voice- Well the cook book said it was delicious. Diner findignantlyj- Bring the proprie- tor here at once: there is a wasp in my soup. Waiter- It's no use, boss, sir. 'e's deadly scared of 'em 'imselff' Is this a second-hand shop? Yes. sir. Well, I want one for my watch. 4 Page 1.16

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4 ' ll Elf-IPL-Qi-.lSflUE3 '11 Lillian Cook-- You may take back your ring. Harold Jenkins -- 'iWhy? Don't your friends admire it? Lillian- Oh, quite-in fact, several of them recognized it. Frank Miller- Did you lose a dollar this morning? Earnest Pflock - Yes, I believe I did. Have you found one? Frank Miller- No, I just wondered how many had been lost this morning! Yours makes ninety-six. Visitor- ls your father home? Small Daughter- What is your name, please? Visitor- Just tell him it is his old friend, Bill. Small Daughter- Then he isn't in. be- cause I heard him tell mother that if any bills came he wasn't at home. Reginald, said a Sunday School teacher. during a lesson on the baptismal covenant. can you tell me the two things necessary to baptism? Yes, ma'am, said Reginald, water and a baby. Usher- Singles only. Mrs. .Iones-'iOh. shucks. I'm married. Nice old Pastor- Have you been bap- tized my child? The Child-- I dunno. but I've been vas- sinated. That man has designs on me, said the sailor as he left the tatooer's booth. Dealer- Did I understand you to say that the parrot I sold you uses improper language? Smart Senior- Unbearable! Why, yes- terday I heard him split an infinitive. Parson- You love to go to Sunday School, don't you, Brown? Brown- Yes, sir. Parson- What do you expect to learn today? Brown- The date of the picnic. She- I wonder if you remember me? Twenty years ago you asked me to marry you. Absent-minded Prof.- Ah, yes, and did you? And what did you do when the ship sank in mid-ocean? Oh, I just grapped a cake of soap and washed ashore. ADVICE TO FRESHMEN Don't chew gum in chapel. It gets on the faculty's nerves. Don't fall downstairs. It makes too much of a congestion at the bottom of the stairs. Don't fail to get into Miss Kincaid's arith- metic class. You might miss some fun. Don't spoon in the hall. It makes the fac- ulty jealous. Don't salute correctly in chapel. Someone might take up your idea. Don't talk in the library. You might be called down. Don't lean over too far in the balcony. You might topple over. Don't pay attention to your teachers. You might learn something. Don't try to copy after the Seniors. You might show us that you are green. Busted again. said the automobile tire as it ran over the broken bottle. Miss I-Iarshbarger- The cement plant up at Rowlesburg throws off so much lime that all vegetation in that area is killed? Genevieve Fox- Do you mean to tell me that one little flower does all that? The Custom Ofhcer eyed the bottle sus- piciously: It's only ammonia. stammered the re- turning passenger. Oh. is it? asked the Custom Oflicer. taking a long drink. It was. Father fangrilyl- Young man. didn't I see you kiss my daughter? Lover- Really, I don't know. I was too busy to notice. I've got that down Pat, said Mrs. Flan- nigan as she gave her son a dose of castor oil. What did your grandfather say when they amputated his leg? He yelled. 'I-Iey, what's coming oh' there.' Is Oswald lazy? Lazy? Why. he's so lazy he comes home every night pretending he's drunk just so the boys will undress him and put him to bed. Page 1-X8