Wells River High School - Chatterbox Yearbook (Wells River, VT)

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Bailey household we find Phil and his wife Elaine in the midst of a red-hot argument. Phil: I’m sick and tired of having everyone talking about me. All the people do in this town is gossip! Elaine: Are you sure what they’re saying isn’t true? Phil: What do you think? (Goes out and slams door.) Elain (talking to herself): Oh, why doesn’t he come home! If those rumors are true and he is out with that vulgar Miss Rowden — I’ll — I’ll — just kill myself, (sob sob). Elaine: I can’t stand this another minute. I've tot to to out and find him. Elaine (entering a swanky place called The Happy Hour) : Phil! Oh, Phil darling! How could you? It’s true you don’t love me any- more. You love that — that husband chaser! Oh, I’m going to kill myself!!!! (Runs out of Cafe into the traffic filled avenue.) Cab Driver: Git out uh th road lady! Ya wanna git kilt? My brakes — they won’t hold!!!! Git out uh th’ way I can’t stop! (Screech of tires, and blood curdling scream.) Announcer: Oh, what s going to happen to her? Listen in tomorrow to find the answer!! Now a statement from our sponsor. Sponsor: Maybe Mrs. Bailey has bad breath. Could it be that she has lost her husband because of bad breath ? Well, apparently she hasn’t heard of Doctor Fiske’s Non-Phew Life Savers. Don’t let this happen to you. Help keep your lover by taking these terrific life savers. (Four hours later) (Half hour later.) THE END DELI BAILEY, ’33 — Seventeen

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Pole Cat Holler Mistah Hiram Heckler Corn Whiskey Corner Deer Mistah Heckler Hank tol me that yuh werr lookin fer someone tuh tend yer store whilst yuh go tuh the citty tuh tache yer poor invuhlid mule Jezabelle tuh the vettanairy. Since yuh planned tuh bee away fer jusst too days, Ah think ahm quite capabul of lookin aftuh yer goods. Ifn yuhd like two no mi evpeerience, hear it is. Ahve tooken care of Ozabelle Achins sick ole hog. Ah did that fer 1 hole nite til the piglets was born Didn't loose 1 of em ether. Ah have dun manniuther things two. Ah chased a fammily of skunks outer Honeybielle Higgins outdoor cookstove. Ofcourse, she coodn’t cook their agin but efn she hed a dore on it, the skunks woodn’t heve cum anyway. I tookin cair of ol‘ Man Mullins kids whilst his wife his wife wuz in bed cuz she had a overdoze uv corn whiskey. Ah all- ways sed she’d tack a little two much sumday. Then her only hed it fer sex times the day beefor. En all thet were only fer gallens. Well, ah took cair of them chillun fer a spel til the ol woman wuz all write. Ahve hed plenntee uv scooling. Ah went til the fift grade an thin Mizz Jones sed ah didn't haf to cum anymore cuz ah new all the fundumentals. Ah kin reed tuh quite a xtent an ah kin count tuh a hundrid. Now mistuh Keckler. Ah dont meen to teeze yuh intuh it but ah sur wood like the job cuz Jake en ah duzire tuh git hitched soons puzzible end we shere cooc use thuh money. Thank yuh kindlee. Sincerely yurs, DAISYBELL DUNHIN -----WRHS----- PHIL’S OTHER LOVE Announcer: Good morning to you, and you, and especially you! This is station XYZ bringing you your favorite true soap opera of the day. This tremendous story will start in a minute but first a word from our sponsor. Sponsor: Do people whisper behind your back? Do your friends seem to ignore you? Could it be bad breath? Yes! Beware of bad breath? It can put you in a world by yourself. Don’t buy chlorophyll gum either, but buy Doctor Fiske’s Non-Phew Life Savers. They’re so delicious, and they come in every flavor. Announcer: Now, for our thrilling love story. As we look in on the — Sixteen —

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JOKES Bob: Have you found your quarter yet?” Russ: Yes, Lunnie found it for me!” Bob. Then what are you looking for?” Russ: Lunnie.” Mr. Cornthwaite: Now Andy, if I subtract 20 from 45, what’s the difference?” Andy: That’s what I say, who cares?” Mrs. Gibson: Now, Dyke, which month has twenty-five days Dyke (after a long pause) : They all have.” Mrs. Gibson: Now Dave, if you were going to take an engin- eering course in college, should you have more mathematics?” Dave: I should have my head examined.” Buddy M.: Your fare.” Marlene C.: Your nice looking yourself.” P. S. She rode all day for nothing. Stanley: I hear Kaiser has taken a job.” Bidwell: Ain't it a shame what some guys will do for money?” Deli: Why are you wearing that toothbrush in your lapel?” Freeman: Oh, that's my class pin. I went to Colgate.” — Eighteen —