Wells High School - Crimson and Gray Yearbook (Southbridge, MA)

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THE CRIMSON AND GRAY 21 Bimbo — What was it? Mozo — Two taxicabs collided, Scotchmen were hurt. and 18 Bimbo — I never eat any bread. The doc- tor says it isn ' t good for me. Bozo — Then, how do you eat your gravy? Film Magnate — Who ' s that runt? Director — Why, that ' s Napoleon. Film Magnate — Why, did you get such a little man for such an important part? Police commissioner — (questioning appli- cant) — And now, how would you disperse a mob? Applicant — I would pass around a hat. Commissioner — You ' ll do. See about your uniform. Were you upset by the bank failure? Yes, I completely lost my balance. Why is love like a pie? By me. OKMNX. You need a lot of crust and a lot of applesauce for both. A London man, just back from the States says that a little girl on the train to Pitts- burg was chewing gum. Not only that, but she insisted on pulling it out in long strings and letting it fall back into her mouth again. Mabel, said her mother, in a horrified whisper. Mabel, don ' t do that! Chew your gum like a lady. Passer-by — (To inebriate lying in the gutter) —What ' s the matter? Inebriate — The dry agents were coming and if I hadn ' t drunk my booze they ' d have poured it in the gutter. They say money talks. Yea, but all it says to some people is Hello and Goodbye. Workmen were working on the wires in a schoolhouse one Saturday when a small boy wanderer in. What are you doing? Installing an electric switch, one of the men said. I don ' t care, jeered the youth, we ' ve moved away, and I don ' t go to this school anymore, anyhow. A Scotchman with a horse, an English- man with a cow and an Irishman with a wagon were coming down the road. Think- ing they looked suspicious an officer passing by stopped them and asked them where they got these articles. The Scotchman replied: I ' ve had it since it was a colt. The En- glishman said: I ' ve had this cow since it was a calf, and when the officer said : Where did you get that wagon, Pat? Pat replied: Oi ' ve had it ever since it was a wheelbarrow. Teacher — (sternly) — This essay on Our Dog is word for word like your brother ' s essay. Frosh — Yes ma ' am, it ' s the same dog. A man went to a church bazaar. A girl of one of the booths asked him to buy some candy. I never eat it, he said. Then, wouldn ' t you like a book? she asked. I seldom read, he replied. But, of course you will buy some soap? she persisted. What else could he do. Sign on rear of antique gas muzzier : Have some respect for your elders. CARRYING THE DECEPTION TOO FAR. Two burglars broke into a drug store and just as they were making their escape saw a policeman at the door. One said to the other, Quick, Bo, git under that box and I ' ll tell the cop I ' m the new night clerk. Then he let the policeman in. Who are you? I ' m the new night clerk, Huh! Guess I ' ll look around. The po- liceman approached the packing case and said, What ' s in that box? Bottles, replied the burglar. Thereupon the policeman gave it a lift and let it drop with a bang. Out from the box piped a shrill voice, CRASH, JINGLE, TINKLE, jingle, tinkle, jingle, tinkle.

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B- • - -Yv Then there is the absent-minded professor who, after kissing his wife and daughters, said: Well, girls, what ' s the lesson for to- day? Patron — Waiter, here ' s a piece of rubber tire in my hash. Waiter — There ' s no doubt about it. The motor is displacing the horse everywhere. Elevator Operator — (Discharging pas- senger) — Step up, son. The Young Passenger — Say, you ' re not my father. Elevator Operator — Didn ' t I bring you up? I call my girl Maple Sugar because she ' s just a refined sap. Yea! I call mine Live Wire bec ause if you touch her, she ' ll knock you cold. I ' ve got a new girl with beautiful blue eyes. What color is her hair? She ' s a blonde. Well, I ' m glad to see that you are a gentle- man. A Scotch boy and an English boy were fighting, when the mother of the Scotch boy stopped the fight. When she had her boy in the house she said, I don ' t want you to fight with that boy again. Jock replied, I will if he says that Scotch- men have to wear skirts because their feet are too big to put through pants. If Shakespeare had lived in the present age, his Seven Ages would have been: 1. The infant. The child The schoolgirl The young woman The young woman The young woman The young woman 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. Mother — Does my boy like to study? Teacher — He likes to do nothing better. Patient — But, is this operation dangerous? Surgeon — Well, we succeed, generally, once out of five times. But don ' t worry; I have failed in the last four I had. Nervous passenger — I don ' t feel at all safe in this leaky boat. Boy — Don ' t worry, madam. If anything happens to you I ' ll take the blame. Bozo — They had a terrible accident in Scotland recently.

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DMaimini We are starting a new year with high hopes of attainments. One of the greatest helps in making our paper a success is the privilege of seeing the papers of other high schools. By reading the papers of other schools, we are able to compare our work with theirs and are able to see what other people of our own age are accomplishing. We invite our exchanges to comment and criticize our paper. For, how can we im- prove, if our mistakes are not pointed out to us? As We See Others: The Waxa Bacon, Waxahachie High School, Waxahachie, Texas. Your paper is very newsy and the cuts at the heads of the different departments are very amusing and original. The Tripod, Trinity College, Hartford, Connecticut. A fine paper, containing a great deal of news. Your paper shows good work in advertising. The Scotland Courier, Scotland, Pennsyl- vania. All your departments are well or- ganized and your Alumni Page is very in- teresting. We enjoyed your poems Son and Our Tailor Now is Papa. The Echo, Winthrop High School, Winth- rop, Massachusetts. It is a pleasure to read your neat paper. Why not have a few more cuts for the heads of your departments ? The Hilltop, Warren High School, Warren, Massachusetts. Your commencement issue is well-balanced and is excellent in every detail. Your art editor deserves credit. wvw