Wells High School - Crimson and Gray Yearbook (Southbridge, MA)

Page 23 text:

THE CRIMSON AND GRAY 17 will make better chicken salad than any lamb you can buy. Miss Barnum — Regiment well, but he got slapped in the face. Her (as the clock strikes two) — Don ' t go, George. Tell me, how long have you loved me? Him (wearily) — For three consecutive hours, and I mean to tell you it ' s hard on the arms. Miss Cortiss — How was the circus? Miss Taylor— Intense. Smith — What ' s the matter with your face? Keen woman? Durgin — Naw, dull razor. Desautels (in a restaurant) — Waiter, I ' ll have pork chops with French fried, and I ' ll have the chops lean. Waiter — Yes, sir, which way? Employer — Are you the man who desires a position with a substantial remuneration? Poeton — No, I want a job with good pay. Visitor — You say that you play with the high school football team? Oldham— Yes. Visitor — What do you play? Oldham— Bridge. Mr. Gibbons (in a restaurant) — Waiter, I think there ' s a fly in this soup. Waiter — Well, make sure ! You can ' t ex- pect me to pay any attention to a mere ru- mor. Harvey — Do I have to wash my face ? Mother— Yes, dear. Harvey — Why can ' t I powder it like sister does hers? Miss Sargent — What could be more sad than a man without a country? R. Delage — A country without a man ! Dennison — Could you give a poor cripple enough money for a cup of coffee and a sandwich? Kind Old Lady — Why, my poor boy, how are you crippled? Dennison — Financially. Real Estate Agent — I don ' t see why you hesitate. This tobacco plantation is a bar- gain at any price. Roger Brown — I was just deciding whether I would raise cigars or cigarettes. How can a little man like you throw a big iron ball like that? Well, you see, I ' ve a bad case of the heaves. Miss A. Tait — What is it that runs across the floor without any legs? Miss M. Tait— I ' ll bite. What is it? Miss A. Tait— Water. Simonds — Why didn ' t you dance last night? Middleton — I had on a rented tuxedo. S. Well, what of it? M. — It was rented where it would show. Miss Chamberlain — What makes your car go so slowly? Why, it hardly moves. Miss C. Clarke — Well, you see, yesterday I was speeding around a corner and the blamed thing turned turtle. Labelle — How would you like to get a bust in the Hall of Fame? Litchfield— Would it hurt? Benoit — What ' s the difference between a pitchfork and a toothbrush? Herbert Goodell — I don ' t know. Benoit — I ' d hate to have you pick my teeth. He — I get a big kick every time I kiss Marie. 2nd He- I didn ' t think she ' d object so strenuously. Skinny Man — Did you slip on that banana ? Fat Lady — No, dearie, I just sat down to pick some daisies. Miss Sargent — Use the word regiment in a sentence. Miss Sargent — Is this wrong? ' I have et ' . Smith — Yes; you ain ' t et yet.

Page 22 text:

16 THE CRIMSON AND GRAY Black boy, what you-all doin ' ? I ain ' t doin ' nothing, Mammy. My, but you is gettin ' mo ' like yo ' Pappy every day. After the Woodstock game, Miss Cath- arine Clarke was ready to swear that a cow can block traffic most effectually. H. Clarke— If I didn ' t tell you that I only paid $19.98 for this suit, you ' d think I paid $60 for it, wouldn ' t you? Schumacher — Yes, if you told me over the phone. Teacher (reading) — . Then came the green dragon belching forth. Little Johnny — Didn ' t he excuse him- self? Miss W. Chamberlain — Officer, some men are shooting dice down on the corner. Officer — What do you think I am, a game warden ? Poeton — Why did you leave your girl ' s house so early tonight? Oldham — ' Cause the lights went out, and I didn ' t want to sit there in the dark. Mary had a little lamb, (The plot begins to thicken) , She sold it to a restaurant, And now they call it chicken. Miss H. Clarke (working in the library) — What kind of a book were you looking for? Little Boy — An animal story. Miss Clarke — Here ' s a circus story, ' The Taming of the Shrew. ' Litchfield — Do you use tooth-paste? Phil Renaud — Of course not. None of my teeth are loose. Wesson — Do you want to hear something great? Dennison — Sure. Wesson — Rub two bricks together. Litchfield — Part of the ships built by the government were sold. Smith— Why didn ' t they sell whole ships? Simonds — Henry Ford bought a lot of scrap-ships. Benoit — Is a scrap-ship the same as a battle-ship? Miss E. Moore — At Lexington the Eng- lish destroyed three men. He — I just went out to get a breath of air. She— Yes, I can smell it. Visitor — You fellows sure are tough; don ' t even wear hats, do you ? O ' Shaughnessy — Naw, they muss up our hair and take off all the shine. Miss McGilvary — What is the greatest necessity in all walks of life? Miss Morey— Shoes. Lezneski — Have you corrected my paper yet? One of our Faculty — Why, no. Lezneski — Well, when you do, remember it ' s mercy I want, not justice. Miss Wriston — I just found a needle. Rosenthal — Now find a haystack and we ' ll have some fun. Schumacher — Why are you always play- ing so much golf? Edwards — Oh, it keeps me fit. Schumacher — Yes, but fit for what? Edwards — For more golf. Customer — I ' d like to have you pick out a set of false teeth for me. Dentist — Would you like to have me brush them for you also? Did you steal the coat you are wearing? Your Honor, I decline to satisfy the mor- bid curiosity of the court by responding to the interrogation. Newspaper Reader — I see here where a boy set a barn on fire. What kind of an of- fense do you call that? Lawyer — Why, that ' s arson. N. R. — Oh, I beg your pardon, I didn ' t know it was one of your family. Customer — Say, have you any good pork? Grocer— Say, I ' ve got some pork that

Page 24 text:

EXCHANGES r S s S V S N S V V V S S V V S» V» » ' » V We, of Mary E. Wells High School, are starting our new year with high hopes of success. One of the greatest helps in mak- ing our paper a success is the privilege of seeing the papers of other schools. Many splendid ideas can be obtained from other magazines. We learn what other schools are doing, and compare their acti- vities with those of our school. We see what other people our own ages are capable of accomplishing. Our year cer- tainly has started well. We have received eight exchanges so far, and these are our opinions of them: The Hilltop, Warren, Mass. Your paper is complete in every respect. It is a pleasure to read it. The Argus, Worcester, Mass. Your cuts are exceptionally fine. Your School Notes show that you are surely alive. The Volunteer, Concord, N. H. You should be very proud of Poets ' Patch. The Echo, Winthrop, Mass. Your paper shows good work. The Wyndonian, Willimantic, Conn. Your editorials are splendid. The Chronicle, Haverhill, Mass. The con- ciseness of your paper is fine. The Commercial News, New Haven, Conn. Your weekly paper is very business-like, and up-and-coming. The M. T. S. News, New York, N. Y. We like your poems. We expect our exchanges for the coming year to be as follows : It may be noted that sixteen States are represented, one-third of the States of our country. The X-Ray, H. S., Sacramento, Cal. The Chronicle, H. S., Pasadena, Cal. The Enfield Echo, H. S., Thompsonville, Conn. The Banner, H. S., Rockville, Conn. The Chronicle, Lyman Hall H. S., Walling- ford, Conn. The Blue and White Banner, H. S., Put- nam, Conn. The Wyndonian, Windham H. S., Willi- mantic, Conn. The Commercial News, Commercial H. S., New Haven, Conn. The Lotus, Senior H. S., Dover, Delaware. The Budget, H. S., Berne, Ind. Academy News, Hartland Academy, Hart land, Me. The Outlook, Porter H. S., Kezac Falls, Me. The Salemica, New Salem Academy, New Salem, Mass. The Hilltop, H. S., Warren, Mass. The Chronicle, H. S., Haverhill, Mass. The Argus, H. S., Worcester, Mass. The Echo, H. S., Winthrop, Mass. The Red and Gray, H. S., Fitchburg, Mass. The Enterprise, H. S., Boston, Mass. The Review, H. S., Medford, Mass. The Sangonia, H. S., Saugus, Mass. The Philomoth, H. S., Framingham, Mass. The Chandelier, H. S., South Boston, Mass. The Milache, H. S., Milaca, Minn. The School Grant, H. S., Ulysses, Neb. The Volunteer, H. S., Concord, N. H. The Red and Black, Stevens H. S., Clare- mont, N. H. The Meteor, H. S., Berlin, N. H. The Inde, H. S., Hanover, N. H. The Oracle, H. S., Englewood, N. J. The Spotlight, H. S., Cranford, N. J. The M. T. S. News, Bellevue Training School for Men Nurses, New York, N. Y. The Micrometer, Ohio Mechanics Institute, Cincinnati, Ohio. The Senior, H. S., Westerly, R. I. The Gleaner, H. S., Pawtucket, R. I. The Red and Black, West H. S., Salt Lake City, Utah. The Dial, H. S., Brattleboro, Vt. The Quill, H. S., Parkersburg, W. Va. Is there a word in the English language that contains all the vowels? Unquestionably. Well, what is it? I just told you. Exchange — The Argus, Worcester, Mass. Sympathetic Person— Hello ! What ' s the matter, little boy? Are you lost? Little Boy— Yes, I am. I mighta known better ' n to come out with Gran ' ma. She ' s always losin ' sumfm.