Webb School - Sawney Yearbook (Bell Buckle, TN)

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Page 82 OUO VADIS POST MORTEM As far as the world is concerned, I am the one remaining member of the class of '58. In my profession as pall bearer I have carried on the Webb tradition and have carried all the students, let me tell you their story. I, Phil Smith, have seen them come and go. Today, I was pall bearer of the last one excluding myself. Joe Montgomery was buried this afternoon June l4, 2043. Gus, as he was commonly known, was the world's greatest dance instructor. Lee Levy died about a year after he was finally kicked off of the Thomas estate, where he had been sponging since his graduation from Webb School. His last words were, Who is Marie? Potter Cantrell died about three years before Lee. Potter had been a great success by monopolizing the zurp industry. I don't know what happened to Bill Powers. The last time I saw him he was boarding a Lunar-earth rocket ship. It is suspected, however, that somewhere in flight, his head was severed from his neck by a small gamma ray. I remember well how joe Murphey and James Murry Davis met their fate. The day after graduation they met for the last time-a duel to the death. One stood on Baldy and the other on Woody. The fight was resounded for miles around. It was a grave spectacle. Then all at once it was over, Murphey's nose struck home, instantly disemboweling James Murry, however, the blow, though fatal, was not a quick death-blow, so James Murry, with one deft swash, severed Murphey in two. James Eatherly was one of the first to go. He was drafted into the army right after graduation. One day while he was cleaning out a garbage pail, he twitched and fell. We dragged him out three days later. Bill Durden was hung by the K.K.K. on june 15, 1969, after making a speech proposing integration. Thad Thomas died a natural death. He left to the world Emily, ten children, twenty-seven grandchildren, nine great-grandchildren, and four great-great-grand- children. Ernest Edenton was run over by a power mower. fHe was probably asleep and Miss Sibyl wasn't there to awaken him.j It took several days to pick up the pieces.

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SENIOR WILLS joe Montgomery, being of sound mind, hereby will Jesse Heard to anyone that can handle him and the R.'s to Blan- ton, Morris, and jones. joe Bledsoe Murphey, failing in mind and grades, do hereby bequeath my outstand- ing nose and my thrift to Noble Pace Qlately troubled by a waste of oats in the feedbagj. Bill Powers, do hereby will my ability of flight through space to Whitey White- side and my knowledge of the use of the wheel to Owen Collins. Vernon Richmond, leave Nancy to Peach Blantong Bob King to Peggy. Joe Rosenbaum, being of sound mind and body, do hereby will all of my Florida Sun- shine to the unfortunate boys who do not live in Florida. Fred Rudder II, being weak in mind and broken in body, will one black servant to sweep rooms, to polish boots, to make beds, and to serve in general to anyone foolish enough to take him. Edward Smith, do hereby will the Bell Buckle drugstore to Noble Pace and Jim Morris since they already own a large por- tion of it. Peter Smith, do hereby will my ability to get along with Mr. F ollin to Andrew Yoder with the hope that his influence will ex- ceed even mine. Phil Smith, leave my ability to get the shaft on Valentine's Day to Pope Harrison. Murray Summers, being of sound mind and body, do hereby bequeath my study habits to my faithful little brother, Duke Johnson, I also leave my famous nickname, sheriff, to Wayne Preston. Stanley Taylor, bequeath all of my Easter Eggs to John Marks, the Episcopal Church to C. Barbee and the boys, and my de- lightful portion of the school to anyone who Wants it. Thad Thomas, being of sound mind and low morality, do hereby will my title Prince Thad to Mighty jim Morris on the condition that he will uphold its responsibility to the utmost of his ability. Tommy Whitsitt, being of sound mind and broken spirit, do hereby bequeath American History to the birds from whence it came and my job fwhat funl to Jim Morris who has shown promise in chem- istry, more than any other student except James Eatherly. Patrick Thomas Worley, possessing one QM.L.B.j do hereby bequeath the victorious Bulldogs to Chuck Bucke. To Vernon Richmond l leave my unconquered duck- tails. Pg 81

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Poor Fred Rudder was among the first to go. He worked himself to death during his first year of college. Buford Anderson was executed when it was discovered that he had three wives from the Mississippi Delta. Vernon Richmond was killed in a duel with Buford. It seems that they were both in love with Nancy. Glen Hall was racing down a highway in his Corvette when it fell apart. While we were collecting the pieces, we found a piece that said, Made in Japan. Wells Garden, the notorious North Carolina gambler, was killed in a gun battle by Stanley Taylor, the Mississippi gambler. Taylor got suspicious when Garden turned up with six and a half aces five times consecutively. Taylor shot Wells in the head but not in time to escape the machine gun slugs from Garden's body guard, Micky Larkan. After the battle, the hard man Larkan sought refuge in a nudist camp. I assume he is dead. Bob McDowell met an unfortunate accident while touring the Jax Brewery in New Orleans. He fell into one of the kettles and drank himself to death. He was survived by his wife and fifteen children. Peter Smith two-timed one too many women. One of his many girls caught up with him on the French Rivera and plunged a knife in his back. Duff Glenn finally succeeded in doing what he wanted, which was to be a dentist. It did him little good, however, for one day while he was working on a small boy, his hand slipped and the drill went through it. He bled to death before they could get him to a veterinarian. Edward Smith became a drug store tycoon. At the coroner's inquest, it was stated that he died of too much luxurious living. Tex Worley became a cowboy star. One day on the set the prop man got the blanks and live ammunition mixed. Tex died with his boots on. Murray Summers began his death while at Webb School by becoming a smoker. At the age of thirty-five he kicked the bucket. His last words were, Mr, Follin was right. Tommy Whitsitt became another juan Fangio. During his last race, he was killed by the fumes from his own car. Page 83