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Page 14 text:
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SENIOR CLASS PROPHECY 1959 It is the year 1979. I board my interspace rocket, the Leslie C, set the controls for earth, regulate my sonic beam to warn of radar traps and settle peacefully back to reflect on the forth-coming reunion of the Class of ' 59. Delayed by a brief stop-over on Venus where I couldn ' t resist an old-fashioned gas war, it was 6:45 Earth Standard time when I at last maneuvered the Leslie C into the hangars of the Warsaw International Space Port. Precisely five minutes later I am ushered into the crowded ballroom where I am warmly greeted by Fuller Packett, newly elected president of Planet Earth, and his five beautiful secretaries. Fuller attributes his success to his undivided attention in Mrs. Lowery ' s government class, and his great popularity with the feminine gender, based on a love ' em and leave ' em policy that has been unanimously adopted by American males and will make him a sure candidate for re-elec¬ tion. Distracted by a loud disturbance and general hub-bub at the door, I turn in time to see the famous rock and roll sing¬ er, Bernard The Body Davis enter, a solid gold guitar on one side and two harried press agents on the other, and followed closely by a mob of screaming fans. Bernard, who dethroned the great Elvis says those exercises Mr. Hodges insisted on giving the boys at activity period did wonders to develop his muscular agility. Our hosts for the evening, Mr. and Mrs. John Wesley Elliott, have just asked us to be seated for the banquet. Mrs. Elliott, the former Barbara Bryant, tells me the food has been grown on their 240, 000 acre farm which Barbara manages while John Wesley has charge of the diaper brigade. They now have twelve children, I am told. Margaret Morningstar Elliott, the world famous model and starlet, is now with her fifth husband and fourth alimony. Marge informs she is writing a book entitled Men--A Fickle Breed. Walter Morris and his body guard, Edward Scates, have just arrived. Walter, retired army general, has a multi-mil- lion dollar industry which manufactures a filterless-filter cigarette, Willup Morris. Edward says his job isn’t too diffi¬ cult; he just keeps Walter supplied with weeds so he won ' t have to bum. Same old Walter! Roland Brown, young playboy and man-about-town, has just returned from a million dollar honeymoon trip to Venus --his wife, French movie star, Brigette Bardot. Roland, now her personal manager, reports he got his start from selling paper and pencils in school, and watching The Millionaire on TV. Roland, it seems, is a perfect example of his old motto, Get rich fast, and live it up long. During the banquet we are entertained by that famed red-haired torch singer, Scarlet O ' Hara (alias Barbara) Douglas, as she captivates the audience with a bee-bop version of her latest and maddest disc, I Captured Moonbeams to Make My Sattelite. Barbara was recently voted the All American Girl” by the critics of Tin Pan Alley. Seated next to me and enthusiastically applauding Barbara ' s rendition is Reynolds C. Williams, famous doctor of philosophy, who recently astounded the intellectual world by denouncing the old adage The Pen is mightier than the sword. To prove his point, the versatile scholar donned a pair of chartreuse boxing trunks, and flexing his mighty mus¬ cles, proceeded to win one-hundred consecutive bantam weight titles with T.K.O. ' s. Much to the distress of his social¬ ite friends, he has gained great eminence in the squared circle, and was affectionately dubbed Biceps Buddy by his vast TV following. A frequent after-dinner visitor to the punch bowl (which he had previously spiked) is Howard (Froggie) Smith. How¬ ard and his understudy, Richard H. Daiger, are diligently working for a patent on an electrosonic typewriter which they have invented for the commercial department of W.H.S. The secret, Howard confided, is that it can be manipulated with the toes as well as the fingers. Practical Howard plans to invest his entire earning in an alcohol factory--external, that is! Chatting with Howard is the celebrated fashion designer and rage of the feminine sex, Madame Barbara Woolard. As I join them, she is telling Howard that her latest creation, a burlap bathing suit, has surpassed Dior ' s greatest record. It seems that the suit has caused fifty per cent more divorces than the sack dress. I am delighted to find that there are no shavings of fallen plaster in our punch bowl, which is so reminiscent of our old cafeteria days at W.H.S. It seems that through constant nagging, threats and cajoling, the faculty finally persuaded Mr. Hodges to enlist the services of the great Monsieur Hudnall Sanders, Parisian painter of exotic murals, to redo our walls on the condition that Hudnall reduce his rates fifty per cent, and accept payment on a yearly installment basis. Johnny Bryant, another distinguished former classmate, having failed to crash the upper crust of Washington, D. C., crossed the Maryland line and, as a devout prohibitionist, is heading a committee to restore domestic tranquility on the Potomac by prohibiting the sale of alcoholic beverages at Little Reno. He and his colleagues are staging a modem Bos¬ ton Tea Party by throwing the accumulated reserve in the river. Those fish never had it so good! Tom Eastham, our ambassador to Russia, and his lovely wife and former steady, ' Mary Ogle Tayloe, have just stated their intention of hitching a ride to Venus on the Leslie C. Tom, for years a devout connoisseur of literature, has stud¬ ied the theories of Einstein, psychiatry, and the communist form of government. Combining the three, his genius has enabled him to perfect a plan which would forever rid us of the threat of communist aggression. Through mass hypnosis, he intends to move the entire Russian population to another planet, preferably a few billion light years from Venus. It is now nearing 3 A.M. as we complete the final strains of our beloved Alma Mater, under the direction of our faithful music teacher, Mrs. Miriam Rice, who I notice, cannot help flinching at our off-key harmony, but never-the- less sighs and bravely smiles at our feeble attempts. There remains just time to bid an affectionate farewell to our be¬ loved principal and to the weary and somewhat subdued faculty, as we each depart to our separate destinations. As I escort my chattering passengers into the comfortable chambers of the Leslie C, I pause momentarily to survey the new isolated framework of old W.H.S., and I suddenly realize that it will take years of physical reconditioning to put me in shape for the next twenty year reunion of the Class of ’59.
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Page 13 text:
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THE AMBASSADOR STAFF Assistant Editor BARBARA BRYANT Typist HOWARD SMITH Editor-in-Chief TOM EASTHAM Circulation Manager FULLER PACKETT Assistant Circulation Manager LEANNA CHRISTOPHER Advertising Manager ROLAND BROWN Art Editor HUDNALL SANDERS Sponsor MRS. R. S. HALL
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