Walt Whitman Junior High School - Pioneer Yearbook (Brooklyn, NY)

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TWO ESSAYS by AIICB Graifer ...i.... V - --Q-.....-o--.-.1-A T WINTER MADNESS y - r . a , , kai- XX K., ,Q .vii-t1Q I The white, velvety, and seeming- 'N- ,WRX -M ly harmless snow can transform it- ,-,,..,- - Q, m i self into a piercing needle. As .pf x f V fate would have it,the Devil receivw -aigggl: gf .- ed his due on a frosty, nipping 1 'R,sffhf Q noon-hour in a school neighborhood 'X ,agp of uniform tranquility. QQ F g me . m If this story were a fairytale, -'f11f- S '--.. X af-Sf' p -q f' w it would be proper for its author I fy ajgug f to state that the victim was inno- ......ri, ,.r-. ---rear -fuss V 1 cently walking along when she re- ceived her unjust dessert. Such was not the case. On one of my dai- ly quests for excitement the group didn't merely happen to stray over to the adjacent street. Not wishing to be excluded from an innocent ice ball fight that lads were engaging in,the girls literally flung right in. Suddenly, and naturally without warning, stars seemed to shoot and meteors to glare as the Devil's purpose became apparent. As the ice plummeted within an inch of my eye, an ear-piercing scream reverbera- ting came from my lusty lungs.After the initial shock wore off, the stinging pain proved only to cause the formation of a perfect mouse around the bruised eye. This start- ling, painful experience also serv- ed to teach its black-eyed victim a lesson. The perpetration of this deed did not go unpunished. News of the incident reached the ears of the school officials, and it was dealt with accordingly. vt-ki' THE TRUTH ABOUT BOYS It seems to me most strange that men should be considered the better half. The members of the supposed Hstrongern sex are terribly egotis- tical, wheedling, and usually suc- cessful in achieving their aims.My experience as a man-killer has been fairly limited as I have just reach- ed the tender age of thirteen-and- one-half. If only these Adonises did not have such Hnarcissusn com- plexes about themselves! The continentals that they some- how manage to climb into, do not do their flabby or number eleven figures any justice. Despite the sham that males put on to try to hide their boyishness, it somehow manages to evidence it- self in the little things that they say say and do. This devilish spir- it will grow as they grow. Let's hope they're not too tall. To put it bluntly, though, with- out them, what would little girls do? 'ki-ul' 41

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THEI WORLD'S Rxcngasr ITEENAGER Here I am the world's richest teenager preparing my last will and testament. It all happened so sud- denly. Mater called me down from the attic where I was studying my col- lection of rare meteorites and com- ets. In our dining room sat a repast of caviar and champagne. I remember the day well because Pater decreas- ed my allowance to 987 dollars a week. I was trying to drown my dis- appointment in champagne. Because six of our seven cooks had quit, Mater was upset. She bustled around with a worried look. I got on her nerves by trying to calm her. She yelled at me bluntly and said, nwhy don't you vamoose and leave me alonef I'll pay for your expenses.n My limousine was waiting outside, H1961 Rollsn, of course. But since my chauffeur was ill, I , myself, got behind the whee1.'First I head- ed for the stock market and bought 19,000 shares of A.T. and T. and 900 shares of T.N.T. On my way I U 0 , 0 X. X ffl . g X I .A A I 1 ho! , 4- .' H .iggsxi iigisaiix Q ggi WS - Jg .- naqxie ,I on Xsy- . ,o l 5. ,Q.ffb5'AIg, 40 bought Mater a present, an ermine coat with a mink collar. I spent more than I expected, S467,999. At the market I met Carbuncle, my seventeenth cousin, who is the fami- ly skinflint. He insisted I dine with him and I immediately accepted. I had already eaten but I cou1dn't pass up his treating me. As we head- ed toward the Wa1dorfT'I asked him what he was doing at the stock mar- ket. HNone of your blasted business? he snapped. I could not understand his sudden contempt. After thesnack I decided I had enough of his com- pany. So, I bid him farewell. But in my hurry to keep moving, I unwittingly stepped on the gas and crashed into a tree. I got away with a few broken bones and a slight concussion. Mater thoughtit best if I went to Europe to recu- perate. Mater, all excited, insis- ted that I take along my new solid diamond luggage set with gold trim, three butlers, three cooks, a chauf- feur,and my Rolls Royce. I bought outright the French liner, La Paris, Caccommodations had to be the bestbl The voyage to Europe was very pleasant. When I arrived in Paris,I bought a small but attractive villa in the suburbs. After a good night's rest, I went to see Pater's coal mine in Montmartre to find out how things were. As I entered the mine, the foreman invited me on an inspeo tion tour. The corridors were long and winding and soon I wanted to turn back. But I found myself alone and lost. First I kept calm. I knew there would be a search! But it was hours later that they found me. I had blacked out. Here I am in the hospi- tal again. The doctors have given me up as hopeless. MY only comfort is that Mater, Pater, and Carbuncle, my seventeenth cousin, are at my bedside to help perform the last rites! Neil Tereno

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THE TIM MACHINE' The people called me mad.That's why they put me here. I could have done wonders for the scientific world if only given half the chance. But no one would listen to me. They told me to go away and bother someone else. Even as a boy I invented great things. When I was eighteen years old, I invented a super-duper atomic roach-pulver- izer. But when I tried to sell it, peopled laughed and told me to go back to my playpen. just a few months ago while I was working on my newest idea, a serum to cure the common cold, my laboratory caught fire. I ran out just before it exploded and ruined an entire block of buildings. It was then the police picked me up. They put me in that prison which slyly goes under the name of NMelvin Coutropsky Institute for the Mentally Handicappedn. That's right! They think I'm mad! For a man of my intelligence and abilities, the type of treat- ment I received there was very humiliating and degrading. Each time I told them I was Dr.Rudyard Oliver Browning, world famous inventor, poet, scientist, etc., etc., they said, HSure, sure, and this guy's Napoleon, and that fellow's Julius Caesarin In fact, I myself was beginning to think I was mad and that's why I had to make my escape. The one good thing about the Institution was the electricity shop where I built the machine which got me out. No, it wasn't an atomic ray-gun or a hydrogenicdriU. No, it wasn't a rocket ship either, but a small compact box I called the HBrowning Automatic Bra Eradi- catorn. Translation - A TimeMachine What's that you ask? You think 1f'S impossible for me to have built a time machine? Well, I'm not one to admit failure, but I will admit 42 UC yoj, 1 HD' YXHCHKNE was in its development- al stage. That is, I didn't know if it would work. But how else was I to find out unless I tested it? The only thing I knew about it was that it would only work twice: once to get me there and once to get me back. But I was confident.I wouldn't have to return, so that part did not matter. Let's see, the day I completed it was December l6,l96O. The next day was as good as any to take leave and so I did. I woke up at 6:45 the next morn- ing--ready for my adventure. I pressed the buttons--I felt drowsy and dizzy. I woke up. But where was I? It looked like some kind of large ship. I went over to someone and asked, NSay, old boy, where am I?U Hwhat do you mean? Where am I? You're on the good ship Titanic, the unsinkable vessel, the greatest of them all! Where am I? he says,n