Wallaceburg District Secondary School - Actiana Yearbook (Wallaceburg, Ontario Canada)

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Slock.: O mighty Caesar! Dost thou lie so low? Are all thy. conquests. glories. spoils. shrunk to this little measure? But mainly . . . -does it hurt? Ah. but 'e's dead! What a bloomin pity. Now. I guess I'll 'ave to take over all the nc - es and spoils of Rome: me and my. friends. 'jer- ius Ayreus Antonius and Iackus I epidus Wat- son. Oh. well I can build a iew railroads in mv 'omeland of Brittania. now. I'm not so had of! at that. Cheerio. and all that rot. IExrt.l EDl'I'OR'S NOTE: In Act III. the translator has put Scene 3 before Scene 2. because Shakespeare get them mixed up. ACT III - SCENE 3 - Rome. a street. Enter.: Ladies and Gentiles. females and reptiles. alllgators. incubators. sirectators. operators. aviators. undertakers. an - - - deep sea div- res: but mostly citizens. First Cit.: Uh oh! Caesar has been murdered! Sec. Cit.: And uh oh! uh oh! Ierius Ayreus Anton- ius is going to goeth into his solrloquy. Third Cit.: Boy .... what a soliloquy that ist! Fourth Cit.: Sh-sh! ..... Don't make any noise during this soliloquy. Fifth Cit.: I gotta copy down this soliloquy and leameth for memory work. Sixth Cit.: Sh-sh! Here goeseth the soliloquy. ACT III - SCENE 2 - Rome. the Forum. Enter: Ierius Ayreus Antonius. and a throng of citizens. Ayr.: Friends. Romans. and farmers lcountry men - - people from the count J: lend me your ears land your poket booksni: I come to bury Caesar. not to praise him: 'cause when l dig that crazy Caesar. I'm stoned. even if I'm dig- ging him six feet under! Man. that Caesar was the most and the coolest! Cixeuntl EDITOR'S NOTE: From here on. the translator paid no regard what-so-ever to Shakespeare's case. So it you have Shakespear's lulius Cae- sar in one hand while you are holding this version in the other. cut off the hand holding this case. and stick strictly to Shakespeare. ACT IV - SCENE 1 - Home. a street. Enter: Slockius Homeus and Iackus Lepidus Wat- son. Wat.: Slockius! Do you know who shived Caesar? Slock.: Oi course I do. you bloomin' moron. Wat.: Who then? Who killed Caesar? Was it E Pluribus Unum? Or. who was it? Slock.: I.. E.. Mentary. my dear Watson. I.. E. Menta ..... I.. E. Mentary. Brutus. that is Well. izheerio. and all that rot. KExeuntl ACT IV - SCENE 2 - Rome. a house Enter: Slockius Homeus and Calphurnia. Cal.: Slockius I-Iomeus! I'll gay you a thousand drachmas to catcheth my usband's murderers. Slock.: Drachmas? Rotty drachmas? Who wants drachmas? I only accept sound British bank notes. Cal.: Very well. Slockius! I'll pay thine fee. Now wilt thou take my case? -23- Slock.: A e! I'll get your 'usband's bloody murd- erer. Calphurnia! Single 'anded. with my ar- my. l'll get 'lm! So watch out you ruddy mur- derer ..... 'cause Calphurma. 'ere I come! Cal.: Say! That's a good title for a songeth .... Calphurnia. Here I Come! lExeuntl ACT V - SCENE l - Phillippi Enter.: The third Triumvirate. Slockius Hemeus. lerius Ayreus Antonius. and lackus Lepxdus Watson. and their army. Slock.: All right you bloomin' soldiers! We're overlookin' a plain at Phillippi. waitin'to am- bush Brutus and 'is ruddx arm who are com- in' through and YOU A 'E TI-IEEE tfrom pro- gram of same name!! Wat.: Look! Here comes Brutus and his arm!! We're in fer a bloody battle. which remm s me. how's yer mudder Slockius? Ayr.: Get ready .... aimeth .... charge!! fSounds of battlel Wat.: I-Iurrah!! Brutus's army is beat! There's his tent. I.et's grab him before he throws himself on his sword! Slack.: Don't be ridiculous! Why should 'e throw 'imself on 'is sword when 'e can use a nice eliicient pistol? Ayr.: Well then. let us. capture him before he throweth himself on his pistol! Wat.: Surrender Brutus. and lemme wam ya. anything ya say will be held agin ya! Enter: Brutus. Brut.: Before you taketh me. let me eat a little dinner. Slock.: Righto. old cha ! Go ahead and eat a ruddy big meal. It's Tiable to be your last. In case it is. I'll bid you a cheerio and all that rot. Wat.: Hey! Wait a sec! I'm kinda hungry myself. Watcha eatin'? Brut.: Oh iusteth some pickled wilddpig's knuck- les. with asparagus and poisons mushrooms on the side 'm almost done. Ach!!!. my stom- ach!! The poison is taking effect. I'm almost done for! Caesar's death is aven ed. Caesar's ghost can rest in pieces. ?Dies.l Ayr.: Brutus is dead! Let us go back to Rome. and declareth Roman holiday! Then we can all go roamin' in the gloarnin! ACT V - SCENE I - Rome. a lunch lounge Enter: Caesar's ghost. and the ghost oi Benium Liardolus. Gh. of Ben. Gar.: Well. noble Caesar. new that your death is avenged. you have no worries. Caes. Gh.: Yes. you are right. We should find- eth another ghost. and the three of us could formeth a fourth triumvirate. Then. we could goeth and haunt a few houses at Pompeii Gh. of Ben. Gar.: .... . And make a ghost town of the place. Leteth us do that! CExeunt.J CASE CLOSED. SLOCKIUS I-IOMEUS. DETECTIVE fllrivatel

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'G PLAY .... BY KEN SIMPSON The Case of the Case that was translated from Shakespeare, 'Cause He Didn't Write it Right'. ..Or. Overheard from a Roman Who Was Drinking Roma While Roamin' Through The Gloamin'. CDRAMATUS PERSONAEJ? Iulius Caesar Iulius Ceasar's Ghost Slockius Iiomeus. Detective tprivatel Ierius Ayreus Antonius Iackus Lepidus Watson Calphumia. wiie to Caesar I-Iankus Delangeus in 1-ribunu Iayus Hendersonius I I.. E. Mentary Brutus N Barrius Davisium Goroonium Caviesius Iackus Mooreus Billius Normanus Artus Houlium Billius Hartium Georgeus Cmeloium A Soothsayer The Ghost oi Benium Gardolus u Senators. Citizens. Commoners. Soldiers. etc. SCENE: HOME: The Plains oi Phillippi. ACT I - SCENE I - Rome. A Street Enter: I-Iankus Delangeus and Iayus Hendersonius two tribunes: and certain Commoners. Hank: S eak. what trade art thou? Com.: lihy sir. a dentist. I pull the tooth. the whole tooth. and nothing but the tooth. - so help me. lay.: Go home. you idle creatures. Know you not J that it is the Feast ol the Lupercal. and that Caesar parades today down this very street. Get you out oi Caesar's way! l'Exeunt.l ACT I - SCENE 2 - Home. A Public Place Enter: Caesar. singing a song: and a Soothsayer. Caes.: Veni. vidi. vici! Venz. vidi. vici! Sooth.: Caesar. beware the ides ot March. Caes.: What say'st thou. soothsayer? Why should I beware the ides ol March? u Sooth.: That's when they begin making arrests tor non-payment of taxes. QExeunt.l EDITOIYS NOTE: Scene 3 oi Act I. and Scenes 1 and 2 oi Act II were omitted by the translator. because he couIdn't iigure them out. ACT Il - SCENE 3 - Rome. A Street Near the Capitol. Enter: The ghost ot Benium Gardolus. reading a paper. Gh. o Ben. Gar.: Caesar. beware oi I.. E. Ment- ary Bmtus: take heed ot Barrius Davisium: come not near Gordonium Daviesius: have an We to Georgeus Cmeloiurn: trust not Iackus ooreus! mark well Billius Hartium: Artus Houlium loves thee not: thou hast wronged Billius Normanus. There is but one mind in all these men. and it is bent against Caesar! A Friend: Here will I stand. til Slockius Homeus pass along. because. since I am a ghost. I cannot give this to Caesar. When Slockius Ho- meus passes by. I will whip uit my noble wind. and blow this rarer into 's iace. so that he will be compel e to read it. Enter: Slockius Homeus. singing a song. Slock.: When I am worried. and I can't sleep. I count my money. instead oi sheep. And I tall asleep. counting my money. When my bankroll is getting small. I always make sure Ive got it all. And I all asleep. counting my money. E41-.aumvifs aiter the death ot Iulius Caesar Senators conspiring against Iulius Caesar Enter: Stron wind. carrying paper. which hits Slockius aomeus right on his roamin' nose. Slock.: 'ello! Blimy. what 'ave we 'ere? It's a paper ot some sort or other. tHe reads it.J Nly. my. this is a pilp. I must xniorm Caesar oi this. Cheerio. and al that rot! IEXIII ACT III - SCENE 1 - Home. the senate house Enter: A crowd ol people. among them. Slockius Homeus. the Soothsayer.'Caesar. I.. 'E. Ment- ary Brutus. Barrius Davisxum. Gordonium Dav- iesius. Artus Houlium. Billius Hartium. Iackus Mooreus. Georgeus Cmeloium. Ierius Ayreus Antonius. and others. Sooth.: Caesar. beware the ides ot March. Caes.: Why should I beware the ides oi March? Sooth.: The senate might exile you for not paying your income taxes. Caes.: The mighty Caesar does not tray taxes. Soothsayrer - ao! Go somewhere an say some sooths! hou ist standing in mg way. Hart.: Ho. noble Caesar! Wilt tou repeal my banish'd brother. Hankus I-lartium. Caes.: No! Begone Billius Hartium! Ah! There art the senators on the steps oi the senate house. waiting ior me. There is my esteemed collea- gue. Senator Brutus. and Senators Barrius Da- visium. 'Iackus Mooreus. Billius Normanus. Ar- tus I-Ioulium ...... D Brut.: O. K.. Senators B-B1Barrius D-Davxsium. Iackus M-M-Mooreus. B-B-Billius Normanus. Ar. .....,,...... Ar , .,..,..,,, Ar ,.....,., Ah nuts! I can't pronounce thine names! Get thine weapons ready country men. B. Dav.: O.K.. boys! Caesar's been iletteth too much power! Next thing you knowet . he'll be after a fourth term! Moor.: Right! ,..... ,! And he'll investigateth ol!- track betting at the Coliseum. Norm.: Stabbeth him!! t'l'he conspirators stab Caesarj. Caes.: Et tu Brute! Brut.: No .... I ain't et! Caes.: I said 'Et tu Brute! Brut.: I told you. I haven't et since dinner! Stab- beth him again senators! Caes.: Et tu rule! That means You too Brut- us! ---- Then tall Caesar! tDiesJ I-Ioul.: Me thinks that last one hitteth vital spot. G. Dav.: Wait! Looketh who comes! lt's Slockius Homeus. detective lprivatel. Cmelo.: I.et's scrameth. Enter: Slockius Homeus. -22-

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THE AMATEUIPS LAMENT . . . I woke this morn with thoughts of mild dismay, That sonnet to write must it be ready today? There is more to consider than words that will rhyme, You must have a certain number of feet in a line. I think I shall have to write about summer or winter, But first I must pay attention to the metre. I must think of a theme that is cheery and light. Oh, this is not a sonnet, now I'm in a plight. I've thought and I've thought but nothing comes to mind That compares to Milton's poem to the blind. The metre is wrongg the rhyme is not right, I have not thought of a theme that is cheery and light. I wish someone would hurry and come to my aid, For after all, you know, poets are born and not made. Marietta Campbell 12B SKYLINE .... You towering peaks, reach up your arms, your head. To touch the clouds so white, so pure, so rare. You leave this town whose streets are greys and leads To join the birds on high in this much purer air. At dawn, dark roofs are bright, and then are dark again As the sun lights up your face, and then moves on To touch with beams of gold you who have lain In wait the night for one shaft, first here, then gone. Comes dusk, your spires all melt into the vast black Of the sky and from your windows gleaming front A million points of light like gems wink back A word of cheer to those who long, who hunt For joy amidst this world of majesty and height Which conveys to all alike, both strength and might. Betty McAllister 13 THE WEATHER .... The soft winds melted all the fallen snow, On Candlemas the sun shone bright and clear, But ground-hog tracks about caused me to know That there would be two winters in that year. Last night the forecast for this section said, Tomorrow we'll have fog and wind and rain. But I had seen the sun set bright and red So knew the weather would be fine again. The hills resounded to the thunder's roarg The lightning flashed a blaze across the sky: But I'd been fooled by Summer's whims before And knew that all signs fail when weather's dry So to make use of all this knowledge gained, I chose our picnic date and right! It rained. Mary Glasgow 12B -24-