Waite High School - Warrior Yearbook (Toledo, OH)

Page 9 text:

Jwvxf-xmua. .BALLCDT-Q-MAN h a v e made plans whereby you will have longer roasts, more to eat, and larger moons. I will equip each club with flying equipment en- abling members to go to Honolulu, or wherever their hearts desire for their weiners. And -no chaperones! . . A daring oilice seeker trying new tactics is striving desperately for the vote from the athletic section. Listen to him rave. Who can defeat him? f . . . More touchdowns! More home runs! More baskets! Higher records! Glory! That's my platform, and I'll stick to it-. I aim to shorten practice hours for our varsity athletes and produce longer records and new cham- pions. This will be the century of drastic changes in Waite athletics. The torpedo ball, explosive-proof suits, and rubber-clad warriors will rule the gridiron. Waite will be the bouncing champions of the East, setting record bounces in their new rubber suits as the torpedo ball explodes ending each quarter . . . Ashower for every locker! Avarsity berth for every athlete! . . .So it goes. Speeches, platforms, ballyhoo. Bands, parades, petitions. We can't stop. Faster and faster, wilder and wilder grows the pace. We can't stop! Vote for me. Vote for me. Vote for me. We can't stop. Madness. Mania. Ballot-o-mania, ballot-o-mania, ballot-o-rnania . . .

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ALLCDT-CD-MANIA. .BALLOT NINETEEN THIRTY-six. election fever grips the nation, the epidemic spreads in ever- widening coils. Nineteen thirty-seven . . .Waite is racked in the throes of the dread disease. No more is it a staid fount of learning, replete with eager scholars. Rather, an asylum-filled with madmen . . . We are crazy. We are insane. We are distracted. We are cockeyed. We are politicians . . . We want to run everything. . . Maddest of all are the clubs. In an eager frenzy each has gathered up its banners, leaflets, election platforms, and petitions. Each has propagated a hoard of impetuous candidates. Each believes that it should be leader . . . that it is best able to rule . . . to run the school . . . Elect our man. Elect me. Elect me . . . Promise everybody everything. Promise anything. Dazzle your audience. Fas- cinate the fools. Get elected. . . I-Iear our politicians exude their oratory . . . Peace, peace . . . peace and quiet for the office workers, say I. I-Iarassed as they have been by con- stant interruptions, isolation from public disturbance is their crying need. As your representative, I shall take immediate steps to end this abuse of office workers' time. In elevated strata far away from tedious interruptions, their increased efficiency will do credit to the efficiency of the Whiffenpoof administration. . . . And the faculty. A new deal for them is imperative. No more papers to grade, I demand! A waste of eyesight - a prodi- gal waste, my friends! I shall even be so radi- cal in my reform as to plant tire-bearing trees in the teachers' parking lot-the kind that bear Good-year tires of the puncture-proof non-skid variety . . Another is clamoring for attention . . . An end to horse-and-buggy methods, I say. If I am elected, I guarantee free transportation to and from school by way of flying school buses, luxuriously furnished, operating on a quick and efficient schedule. Passengers will embark and debark from the roof- tops by means of rope ladders . . . and the trip will be made through heated air-hot air. One club is anxiously supplicating the other organizations . . . Do you realize, fellow stu- dents, what the former administration has done for you-and to you? You have a roast and go home with a slight disorder in the dilated portion of your alimentary canal beyond the esophagus-hungry. The overwatchful chaperone is still with you. I, Mortimer Gooch, l-4'

Page 10 text:

Nm exevatecx strata, the oY'YKce Worxczrs Wm End peace and quKe