Wadsworth High School - Whisperer Yearbook (Wadsworth, OH)

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PROPHECY oirs for publication: but, as suspected, they didn't pass the censor. DARN! Marge Styer is still at W. H. S. arguing with the teachers over the grades she deserved but never got. The eminent lerry Stuver, who was valedic- torian of his class at Harvard and also at Yale, where he took post-graduate work for twelve years, has accepted the job of reconditioning old and rusty stop signs in River Styx and Sharon Center. Beulah Good is writing spicy feature stories for the Police Gazette. Leslie Kee is still arguing in the Supreme Court with Iacob Fretz whether Iohn Ducar's head is a mixture or a compound. Sally Iames, known as the Dynamic Mouse, is still king of the boxing world today, having K. O.'d the 620 pound Dirty Gertie in the 28th round last night. The notorious Bob Mosier, better known as Speed, has just established another pony ex- press company in order to increase his tooth- pick shipments to the Acme. Dr. Dean Semler, the chimney sweep, is be- ing hailed from all corners of the earth for his surgical triumph. He did the impossible bv con- verting Hugh McCreery to normal life. Unfor- tunately, though, he failed to cure Winona Griner of her insane belief that she is a type- writer ribbon. The two blonde beauties, Lucille Few and Esther Welty, have invented a number of col- ored eye dyes to match their famous hair dyes. As a result of this invention, beauty authorities predict that a fad of having hair and eyes of the same color will sweep the country. Fred Hoerger has moved to Tennessee with his wife and seventeen children. He runs a plantation with eighteen slaves: namely, his wife and seventeen children. Eva Platz and Iacqueline Doss are modeling French bathing suits for the Spitoon Club. Calvin Yoder recently took over the former librarian's place after impeaching her for em- bezzling money from the over-due fund. Pauline Alexander sailed for home today after touring Europe with the Metropolitan Opera. She revealed to her closest friends that she intends to retire because every time she hits high F, above middle C, that is, her right floating rib punctures her left lung. Iohn Kelly had a grand opening of his new establishment, Kelly's Kleen Dydee Wash. He claims his business is sure to be a success be- cause so many people are going into second childhood. Two curvaceous de-icers, Betty Lou Deeser and Dorothy Baker, are called the sweethearts of the chorus line. They gained this distinction because of their unbelievably high kicks. Patrick Hayth has been elected president of the exclusive Skyscrapers Club. Flossie Price is the featured dancer in Harri- son's Harum at Chippewa Lake. Robert Harrison, the Harum's well-known manager, says profits have more than doubled since Flossie's colossal debut. George Nelson is the town's friendly under- taker. Maybe I shouldn't have started this life- less business, groaned George the other day, 'cause the only people who come to see me anymore are big stiffs. Mary Alice Smith and Carol Parker have just departed for the Antarctic under the aus- pices of the famous biologist, Professor Robert McCafferty, where they will search for red ant eggs which Professor McCafferty resolutely be- lieves originated there during the glacial age. Bill Cahoon made so much money on his potted dandelion plant that he was able to pay off the mortgage on his greenhouse and buy half a dozen sweet pea seeds besides. Barbara Welday Cahoon, his vivacious wife. has a little shop in the rear of her hubby's greenhouse where she's trying to grow morn- ing glories that will bloom in the middle of the night. Mildred Allenbaugh and Barbara Rohrer are traveling through Europe delivering catnip to millions of poverty stricken homes in honor of Be Kind to Pussy Cat Week. Theodore Chernak, president of the firmly established Peep All, See All Window Shade Co., has been arrested for the fifteenth consecu- tive time for window peeping. But, as usual, he was cleared of all charges by his brilliant attorney, Iames Birkbeck, who stated that Theo- dore was only doing his duty by testing the quality of his product. The Misses Carol Ann Broderick and Susie Stuart are in Nova Scotia where they are con- ducting an exclusive acrobatic school for girl hippopotamuses. Iames Hoddinott has established a huge autogyro service between the two thriving me- tropolises of Lodi and Poe. He expects to have seventeen autogyros leave each city destined for the other every two minutes. The mysterious famine that swept through northeastern Ohio last month was solved this week by that dauntless super-sleuth, Sir Alfred Smith. The famine, he told reporters, was caused by one ravenous human, Alice Crook, who, it seems, can never get enough to eat. She not only raided homes and grocery stores of all 28 D. H. L. Feed 84 Supply Co.

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PROPHECY After an exhausting day, how good the cool sheets felt as I snuggled down into them! The moonlight came streaming in through my win- dow: and as I turned my head, I suddenly caught sight of the calendar hanging on the wall. The date was May 30, 1967. Beside it hung my high school diploma. Oh, what memories it brings back! It was just about this time twenty years ago that my classmates and I were graduating. Golly, who could have prophesied then what we would be doing to- day-twenty years later? Let's see now, what has become of all of us? Oh yes----- Dick Yackee is the proprietor of a plush peanut stand in front of Akron's Bubble Bar. With every bag of peanuts he sells, he bursts forth with an aria from Figaro to please his exclusive clientele. Opal Mosgrove, after five unsuccessful at- tempts, has finally succeeded in setting a new world's record for flagpole sitting. Homer Gaugler, her energetic and extremely clever press agent, is negotiating with Chet O'Kelly's Cafe to sponsor her in the annual English Channel swim. Tom Witschey has succeeded Maurice Evans as the world's greatest Shakespearean actor. Mary Long caused quite a stir yesterday when she celebrated her twentieth wedding anniversary by turning six cartwheels and simultaneously twirling her baton on top of the Injector smoke stack. Bill Livingston and Iack Lahr finally emerged from their mountain retreat where they had spent years of ceaseless toil, hardships, and struggle perfecting a mechanism designed to convey them to the sun. Eventually the great day of their take-off arrived. lust as everything was ready to go, lack became terribly befuddled and pushed the wrong button. Instead of sailing to the sun the contraption went zooming head- long into the earth. Unofficial reports say that the pair came out in China and that they are now house guests of Chiang Kai-Shek. Edna Mae Overholt is skipper of the luxury liner, The Cleopatra, making pleasure voyages up the River Styx. Lawrence Busch and Carl Few, outstanding social workers, are now embroidering pink and blue posies on bonnets for the Old Ladies' Home. Reginald Earley has retired to a ranch in Hametown where 'he will spend the rest of his life raising prize-winning squash for the Medina County Fair. Glenna Moyer has recently been seen in the movie short, How to Exterminate Undesir- able Insects. Her right hand is shown wielding a fly swatter that massacres two unfortunate flies. This experience has given Glenna great hope for future movie roles. Stanley Bowers, known as the Fearless Deathdodger, is testing kiddie cars at Wolf's. The world-renowned adventuresses, Darlene Pike and Betty Earnest, had their outrigger ca- noe completely overhauled in preparation for the whaling expedition they plan to make up the Euphrates River. The bobby soxers are really being sent by Al Dutt's playing of a hot ear trumpet in the Salvation Army Band. Marcene Blair is rumored to be the brains behind the unscrupulous River Rats gang, which specializes in smuggling hot clams across the border. The nimble and ever-so -graceful ballet dancer, Bob Griner, and his equally lovely part- ner, Mary McMillen, head the famous French Ballet Troupe. They are said to be sensational. Betty Lou Koppelberger, the steeplejack, takes in washings on the side in order to sup- port her pet rhinoceros and two toads. Don Fraley has just been notified by officials of the A 6- P firm that he, and he alone, will have complete jurisdiction over the vegetable bin. After twenty-one years of being general handy man, this promotion came as a complete and wonderful surprise to the progressive young man. Ioanne Snyder has been voted the favorite model of 1967 by the photographers of WOW and PEEK magazines. Charles Petit has retired to a cave in Dog- patch where he hopes to grow his world-famous beard in peace. At the last count it measured 5,280.6 99fl00 feet. Christine Graham is manufacturing jumping ropes for Mexican jumping beans. Carol Transue and Betty Eckhoff have per- fected a cheap process whereby the pages of school books can be photographed on microfilm and then read through a miniature viewer while taking a test. They are expected to make mil- lions on this project. Carl Simcox, the iceman, has been offered numerous executive positions in many compan- ies: but Carl always declines, saying he can have a lot more fun being just the man who comes around. Carla Rae Bolich went through the wringer last week. After the ordeal, she gleefully ex- claimed she'd always wanted a pencil-slim torso anyhow. She is reported to have added six inches to her height through this transaction. Sir Richard Flath recently submitted his mem- Dick's Hardware, Inc. 27

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PROPI-IECY their food supplies and then devoured them, but also nibbled up the spring corn and wheat crop. Supreme Court Iudge, Her Highness Mademoi- selle Ioanne Fixler, sentenced this human phe- nomenon to life in a damp dungeon and put her on a strict diet of nine meals a day. Robert Leonard is competing with Charles Atlas for the title of the world's most perfectly developed man. The ruthless Ted lackson, ace slot machinist. who is called Iackpot by his mob, was recent- ly informed that he has been elected president of the CIO slot machinists' local. Erlene Dailey is now president of America's largest rug and afghan factory. This creative genius started by Crocheting a small bathroom rug for her hope chest. From this humble be- ginning she has branched out in this field until now she is the United States' leading rugmaker. Lowell Gruver, prominent dogcatcher, told newspapermen today that he will devote the rest of his life to solving that great universal mystery of which came first, the chicken or the egg. Lillian Collier has just finished writing her fifth book, How to Keep Your Man. Miss Col- lier has become one of today's foremost writers. She and Dr. Crane work together on weekends. It has been announced that Mary Alice Harper will be judge of the male beauty contest being held at Poe this year. Dale Neff has started a thriving business sell- ing penny post cards to inhabitants of the moon. Doris Pifer is ecstatic over the news that she has been judged runner-up in the National Hog Calling Contest. This is the fifteenth consecu- tive year that Doris has competed for this rare honor. Doris feels that at last she is nearing her dreamed-of goal. Irvin Grunwald is recovering from a severe nervous breakdown. He attributes the cause to the mental strain he suffered while trying to settle the little tiffs that arose between the tots attending his day nursery school. Mabel Conrad is busy diving for buried treasure in Dorothy Lake. She says she can vaguely remember las she was only a child at the timel of seeing a Spanish galleon, laden with gold, sink in this vicinity at the time of Cortez's conquest of Mexico. Elizabeth Thombs and her partner are dancing the rigorous Russian Mazurka nightly at the Atomic Coke Club at Clarks Corners. Everett Gibbs is now the world's champion earthworm eater. To date he has consumed 487,- 269 worms. At least, he says, I won't die from protein deficiency. lune Lindsay is recording commercials for the Super Crack Chewing Gum Company. She Everhard's stands in front of a microphone and cracks her gum all day. I'm supremely happy, declared lune, 'cause I'm doing what comes naturally. lim Mason is an ace salesman for the Frosty Frigerator Company in Siberia. He loads all his wares on a dog sled and mushes from igloo to igloo. Winifrid Pike and Helen Truex, known to millions as Giggles and Twinkles, the famed Rockettes, are touring the country at the expense of their numerous admirers, lecturing on The Tragic Pitfalls That Await Naive Old Spinsters in Today's Sinful World. Clifford Gangewere lives in a tree house. Here he draws racy cartoons and writes passion- ate love stories to amuse himself. The languorous Miss Beatrice Birkbeck is busy denying rumors that she eloped with a trained orangutang whom she has been de- votedly nursing back to health. The poor beast suffered a severe mental shock when he stubbed his toe on a menacing pebble lying in his cage. Merl Minnich inherited a camel from his fairy godmother and now conducts sight-seeing tours across the Sahara Desert. The charitable Miss Helen Edis is construct- ing a gigantic orphanage on the outskirts of town for motherless horses. The benevolent horse fancier decided to start this worthy project when several colts were left in baskets on her doorstep by unidentified mares. Kenny Snyder is being tutored in the art of fiery wooing by the Sheik of Araby. He hopes in this way to win his heart's desire, Nellie Ting Wing, notorious Chinese beauty. Ieanne Rohrer and Phyllis Robinson have been banished to an unexplored section of the Congo for undermining and seriously crippling the forces of law and order in these United States. Among their long lists of less cruel, printable crimes are these: pushing sweet old ladies down open man holes, tying small chil- dren on top of high tension towers during elec- trical storms, and stealing coins from the cups of helpless blind beggars. Beatrice Cookie Penov, current manager of Crispy Kreme Bakery, was rushed to Memorial Hospital early today. She had a bad case of Laphioyms. A specialist who was called in from Cuba diagnosed the case as originating from moldy doughnuts. R-R-R-Ring! Oh! What's that horrible noise? Golly, it's my old alarm clock. And the calendar on the wall-it says May 31, 1947. Why, I've been dreaming. It must have been the bologna and Limburger cheese sandwich I ate last night. Well, thank goodness that's all it was-just a dream. Flowers 29