Vaughan Road Academy - Acta Studentium Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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ACTA S'1'I'DI5XTII'M Page Sl Waitress: Hawaii, Gentlemen. You must be Hungaryf' First Customer- Yes, Siam, and we can't Rumania long, either. Venice lunch ready? Waitress- I'll Russia to a table. What will you Havana? Second Customer- Anything at all, but can't jamaica little speed? Waitress- I don't think we can Fiji that fast, but Alaska. First Customer-- Never mind asking anyone. just put a Cuba sugar in our java. Waitress- Sweden it yourself. I'm only here to Serviaf' Second Customer- Denmark our bill and call the Bosphorus. He'll probably Kanya. I don't Bolivia know who I am. Waitress- No, and I don't Caribean. You fellows sure Armenia. Boss- Samoa your wisecracks, is it? Whats got India? You think maybe this arguing Alps business? Both Customerswf'Canada noise. Spain in the neck. We Moscow now. IK IF lk They stood beneath the mistletoe, He knew not what to do, For he was only five feet tall. And she was six foot two. if IK lk Principal- Did you deliver that mes- sage to the senator? Oliphant tnow a full grown messen- geri- Sure, but I don't think he can read it. Principal-f'What do you mean? Why can't read it? Oliphant-- 'Cause he's blind-four times he asked me where my hat was and it was on my head all the time. ik X lk So you've known the prisoner for ten years. Do you think he is the kind of a man who would steal this money? Witness-I'Well-er-how must was it? 1 if 1? St. Peter- VVho is there? Voice lVithout- It is I. St. Peter- Go away. we don 't want any more school teachers. Ruth O.- I like a man with a past, the more interesting the past, the better I like him. jean R.- I like a man with a future, the more interesting the future, the bet- ter I like him. Ruth W.- I like a man with a pres- ent, the more expensive the present, the better I like him. 15 IF if Sniitlifu You say you fziilm-il in tleriiiaiil XYliy I c'aii't lllltIl'l'Slfil.ll4l it. -Ioiies- Neither can I. that's why I failed. 41 X if Tennis-A struggle between two play- ers each equally intent on making the opponent drop dead through running to retrieve a bounding ball forty feet to one side of him with no other instrument than a wooden frame enclosing the in- sides of a cat. lk HF lk Definition of lacnossefRunning a mile to hit somebody over the head with a snowshoe. X lk if Betty B.4 Oh! look at the horizon ahead of us. Tatton- Don't get nervous, I won't hit it. lk S if Mr. Barton, after a lesson on snow- As you walk along the road on a cold winter day, what do we see on every hand? Kay Cockin- Gloves lk if if Ashes to ashes Dust to dust If Mr. Beale don't get you, Mr. Vyvyan must. 14 4 lk Smith- I've been reading some sta- tistics here-every time I breathe a man dies. Punsh-l'Gosh, man, why don't you use Listerinef' lk if lk Hadler- What is the most nervous thing next to a woman? jacques- Me, next to a woman. X lk if

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Page S0 A lf T A S T II ll E N T I I7 M Sign in window of Apt. 1111- I'izino For Sale. Sign in window I1uri-ah. lk il of A pt. 102- 4' The weaker sex is often the stronger weakness of the sex because of the stronger sex for the weaker sex. First rugby player on train: What do they call this tunnel? Second R. P.: This is no tunnel. This is Hamilton. PF lk lk Kent: What does Pourquoi mean in French? Lynch: l'Why? Kent: l'Oh, I was just wondering. X 31 Ik Nit: So Watt wasn't lost after all. Wit: No, they found him under the Sunday paper. lk It lk judge: The best you can do is to go home and make it up with your wife. Mr. Coumans: And what is the second best thing. Miss Taylor: Kremer, give me a sentence using the word 'anemone'. Kremer: Anemone has attacked us. lk Y IF Mr. Noseworthy on leaving for a long trip received this telegram as he step- ped onto his train, Heaven keep you from your loving wife. 11 lk lk Ethel: Did he insist on kissing you. jean: Well, not exactly, I had to help him a little. IF X lk Sable, thinking that he knew almost everything about chemistry, decided to write out his own prescription. The chemist looked at it for a minute and said slowly, Well, is it a very big dog? if lk Ik Optimistf-A man who enters college and takes a frame for his diploma with him. FK 4 Ik Pollard- Is the pleasure of the next dance to be mine? Ruth- Yes, entirely. Woodhouse- Did you hear? There was a panic at the Christie last night. Green-f'What-a fire? Woodhouse- No, they turned the lights on suddenly. lk is Ik Leach- There is something I wanted to say to you but I've forgotten what it was. Bunny - Was it good-night? 11 lk if It's rude for a man to sleep while his wife is talking, but after all, a man has to sleep sometime. lk if 44 judge- Well Sam, how many shots did he tire at you? Sam- just one, but ah heard it twice--once when it passed me, an' once when ah passed it. 11 lk if My daughter went to college for three years, and was never kissed. That was not a college: that was a convent. ek Dk Pls My best friend has just run away with my wifef ' lVas he very good looking? I don't know, I've never met him. IK if 11 He's the luckiest man in the world. He has a wife and a cigarette lighter and both of them work. lk lk lk Flattery is soft soap and soft soap is 90 lye. Ik Sk if Some children are natural mimics, they act like their parents, in spite of every effort to teach them good manners. 3 lk IK Miss Waugh-L'Why were you late this morning? Wilson- Please Miss Waugh, I have a new pair of rubbers and mother forgot to cut the string. lk It IF Uliphant- Yeh. 1 got fired, but it wasn't my fault. You see, the tag read, 'How would you like to see your best girl i11 this for EB-l.95,' and I put it on a hath-tub instead of on a skirt.

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Page S2 ACTA STUDENTIUM BONERS Tell me where is fancy bred? t'Dites-moi, ou est patisserie?'l Chemin de fer. A fur shirt. La belle dame sans merci. The beautiful lady who never said thank you.- Princeps gregis magnus aries erat. The leader of the Ilock was a large battering-ram. Arma virumque cano. A gun, a man and a dog. Omnia est Pablia, etc. Means how ominous it is that the Romans had so much gall. Rhubarb is a kind of celery gone bloodshot. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. When you breathe you inspire: when you don't, you expire. The logarithm of a given number is the number of times the given number must be squared in order that the given number may be equal to this number. 41 lk lk I dreamt I died And to Heaven did go. Uwhere did you come from, They wanted to know. Vaughan Road, I answered- My how they did stare! St. Peter said, Welcome, You're the first one from there! lk lk HF Mr. Coumans tdisgustedly testing the knowledge of a certain class upon the shapes of geometrical figuresj slapped a half dollar on the desk and yelled, 'tWhat's that? 4C tin unisonjk Headsf wk if lk Miss Mason- Disantis. how would you punctuate this sentence, 'The girl who is very beautiful smiled at me'? Disantis-l'I'd make a dash after the girl. lil lk ak A woodpecker lit on a freshie's head, And settled down to drill, He bored away for a half a day, And finally broke his bill. With a great show of .... show of . . . . determination . . . . nation the vil- lain picked up a pistol .... picked a pistol .... and showing his teeth shot his enemy .... enemy .... in the back . . . . determination . . . . picked pistol ....showing....shotenemyin.... teeth .... the villain .... showing pistol .... and picked teeth .... his back .... teeth with deter ..,. pistol . . . . villain showing teeth . . . .in . . . . back. Aw heck! Whats the use of trying to read a book in the bus anyway. lk wk Pk Little jack Horner Sat in the corner, Eating his Christmas pie, He put in his thumb, And pulled out a lawnmower And said, l'For crying out loud Who put that in there ! lk HK Sk Woodhouse says it's not the cost of cork tips he objects to but the smell of the cork burning. FF lk lk The only difference between Chap- pell and Gracie Allen is that Gracie is only fooling. 41 IK 14 Mother tto her son after his first day at schooll-'tWell, johnny, how do you like school? johnny: t'Swell, only there was a man at the front of the class who kept on spoiling the fun. Sk lk Ik Dot- Last night I walked through that dark lane, and was I scared, but I walked backward all the way. Isobel- VVhy backwards? Dot-'tDon't be silly. I did that so that I could see if anything was coming behind me. if Sk lk SCHOOL DAY Hamilton asked. Ann refused. Ham- ilton begged. Ann blushed. Hamilton argued. Ann resitated. Hamilton in- sisted. Ann resisted. Hamilton tried. Ann surrendered. So little Hamilton carried Ann's books home from school. 42 lk lk