Vaughan Road Academy - Acta Studentium Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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Page S0 A lf T A S T II ll E N T I I7 M Sign in window of Apt. 1111- I'izino For Sale. Sign in window I1uri-ah. lk il of A pt. 102- 4' The weaker sex is often the stronger weakness of the sex because of the stronger sex for the weaker sex. First rugby player on train: What do they call this tunnel? Second R. P.: This is no tunnel. This is Hamilton. PF lk lk Kent: What does Pourquoi mean in French? Lynch: l'Why? Kent: l'Oh, I was just wondering. X 31 Ik Nit: So Watt wasn't lost after all. Wit: No, they found him under the Sunday paper. lk It lk judge: The best you can do is to go home and make it up with your wife. Mr. Coumans: And what is the second best thing. Miss Taylor: Kremer, give me a sentence using the word 'anemone'. Kremer: Anemone has attacked us. lk Y IF Mr. Noseworthy on leaving for a long trip received this telegram as he step- ped onto his train, Heaven keep you from your loving wife. 11 lk lk Ethel: Did he insist on kissing you. jean: Well, not exactly, I had to help him a little. IF X lk Sable, thinking that he knew almost everything about chemistry, decided to write out his own prescription. The chemist looked at it for a minute and said slowly, Well, is it a very big dog? if lk Ik Optimistf-A man who enters college and takes a frame for his diploma with him. FK 4 Ik Pollard- Is the pleasure of the next dance to be mine? Ruth- Yes, entirely. Woodhouse- Did you hear? There was a panic at the Christie last night. Green-f'What-a fire? Woodhouse- No, they turned the lights on suddenly. lk is Ik Leach- There is something I wanted to say to you but I've forgotten what it was. Bunny - Was it good-night? 11 lk if It's rude for a man to sleep while his wife is talking, but after all, a man has to sleep sometime. lk if 44 judge- Well Sam, how many shots did he tire at you? Sam- just one, but ah heard it twice--once when it passed me, an' once when ah passed it. 11 lk if My daughter went to college for three years, and was never kissed. That was not a college: that was a convent. ek Dk Pls My best friend has just run away with my wifef ' lVas he very good looking? I don't know, I've never met him. IK if 11 He's the luckiest man in the world. He has a wife and a cigarette lighter and both of them work. lk lk lk Flattery is soft soap and soft soap is 90 lye. Ik Sk if Some children are natural mimics, they act like their parents, in spite of every effort to teach them good manners. 3 lk IK Miss Waugh-L'Why were you late this morning? Wilson- Please Miss Waugh, I have a new pair of rubbers and mother forgot to cut the string. lk It IF Uliphant- Yeh. 1 got fired, but it wasn't my fault. You see, the tag read, 'How would you like to see your best girl i11 this for EB-l.95,' and I put it on a hath-tub instead of on a skirt.

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ACTA STUDEXTIYM BROTHERS IN ERROR Pompous Physician tto man plaster- ing defective wallb- The trowel covers up a lot of mistakes, what? lVorkman- Yes, gov-nor-and so do the spade. HF lk ik SHE FIXED HIM UP Maid- While you were gone, ma'am your little Willie swallowed a bug, but don't worry, I had him take some in- sect powder. 41 HF It NEIGHBOURLY LOVE Tramp- The lidy next door 'as give me a piece of 'ome-made cake. Wont you give me something too? Lady- Yes, I'd better give you a digestive tablet. PF Ik lk JUDGED BY THE OUTPUT Toward the end of an exceptionally lengthy speech a political orator made use of the quotation, 'LA man is known by his works, and received from some- one in the audience the rejoiner, Then yours must be gasworksf' lk lk Ili Ted- If a man marries his nrst wife's step-sisters aunt, what relation is he to her? Stan.- I give up. Ted- Her husband! Ha, Ha, etc. IK lk IF Fraser- When I read about these marvellous electrical inventions, it makes me think a little. Mr. Robinson- It's wonderful what electricity can do. lk 111 ll' Long-winded Lecturer- If I've spok- en too long, it's because there is no clock in this place and I've forgotten my watch. Voice from gallery- Theres a cal- endar behind you. IF SK wk Uncle- You boys of to-day want too much money. Why, do you know what I was getting when I married your aunt? Nephew- No, and I'll bet you didn't either. Pa ge T9 NOT THE PERFECT SECRETARY Discovering yet another mistake in his letters, the enraged employer sum- moned his new typist. You came here with good testimoni- als, Miss Brown, he barked, 'land do you mean to tell me you don't know the King's English? Of course, I know it, she replied indignantly, He is, isn't he?'i Pk if lk Kerrf So you gave up singing in the choir. Stephenf Yes, I was absent one Sunday and three people wrote in to say that they were glad the organ had been repaired. HF If lk lst Drunk- I-hic-think I'll buy this hotel. 2nd Drunk- Wait until we've had three more drinks and I'll sell it to you. Ili if lk Scobie is so sensitive that he even closes his eyes in a crowded street-car because he can't bear to see a lady standing. 41 i lk Mary- Do you want to go on a sleighing party? Molly- Sure, who do we slay? X lk lk Louise- Father, why can't I get married. Is it because of my youth? Fatherf Yes, he's hopeless. X 44 41 Man is made of dustfWomen saw- dust, and liked it. IF Pk it Mr. Davidson- Remember young man. I turn off the lights at 10 sharp. johnstonw Fine, could we have some books to read till then? if if HF Northerner- Pretty mild weather you have down here. Southerner- MildI do you call two feet of snow mild? Northerner- Mild, I should say so. man, the snow was so deep in our coun- try last winter the farmers had to jack up the cows to milk them.

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ACTA S'1'I'DI5XTII'M Page Sl Waitress: Hawaii, Gentlemen. You must be Hungaryf' First Customer- Yes, Siam, and we can't Rumania long, either. Venice lunch ready? Waitress- I'll Russia to a table. What will you Havana? Second Customer- Anything at all, but can't jamaica little speed? Waitress- I don't think we can Fiji that fast, but Alaska. First Customer-- Never mind asking anyone. just put a Cuba sugar in our java. Waitress- Sweden it yourself. I'm only here to Serviaf' Second Customer- Denmark our bill and call the Bosphorus. He'll probably Kanya. I don't Bolivia know who I am. Waitress- No, and I don't Caribean. You fellows sure Armenia. Boss- Samoa your wisecracks, is it? Whats got India? You think maybe this arguing Alps business? Both Customerswf'Canada noise. Spain in the neck. We Moscow now. IK IF lk They stood beneath the mistletoe, He knew not what to do, For he was only five feet tall. And she was six foot two. if IK lk Principal- Did you deliver that mes- sage to the senator? Oliphant tnow a full grown messen- geri- Sure, but I don't think he can read it. Principal-f'What do you mean? Why can't read it? Oliphant-- 'Cause he's blind-four times he asked me where my hat was and it was on my head all the time. ik X lk So you've known the prisoner for ten years. Do you think he is the kind of a man who would steal this money? Witness-I'Well-er-how must was it? 1 if 1? St. Peter- VVho is there? Voice lVithout- It is I. St. Peter- Go away. we don 't want any more school teachers. Ruth O.- I like a man with a past, the more interesting the past, the better I like him. jean R.- I like a man with a future, the more interesting the future, the bet- ter I like him. Ruth W.- I like a man with a pres- ent, the more expensive the present, the better I like him. 15 IF if Sniitlifu You say you fziilm-il in tleriiiaiil XYliy I c'aii't lllltIl'l'Slfil.ll4l it. -Ioiies- Neither can I. that's why I failed. 41 X if Tennis-A struggle between two play- ers each equally intent on making the opponent drop dead through running to retrieve a bounding ball forty feet to one side of him with no other instrument than a wooden frame enclosing the in- sides of a cat. lk HF lk Definition of lacnossefRunning a mile to hit somebody over the head with a snowshoe. X lk if Betty B.4 Oh! look at the horizon ahead of us. Tatton- Don't get nervous, I won't hit it. lk S if Mr. Barton, after a lesson on snow- As you walk along the road on a cold winter day, what do we see on every hand? Kay Cockin- Gloves lk if if Ashes to ashes Dust to dust If Mr. Beale don't get you, Mr. Vyvyan must. 14 4 lk Smith- I've been reading some sta- tistics here-every time I breathe a man dies. Punsh-l'Gosh, man, why don't you use Listerinef' lk if lk Hadler- What is the most nervous thing next to a woman? jacques- Me, next to a woman. X lk if