Vaughan Road Academy - Acta Studentium Yearbook (Toronto, Ontario Canada)

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ACTA STIIDENTIYM Page -11 A SlIHlllllsllE9lIE5lll9CY GIIFAIMIES HUMP-thump-thump. I violent' ly twisted myself into another position in the bed, and for the sixtieth time that night I tried to find a cool spot on the pillow, I rammed it into my mouth in despair. If I could only be whisked up to the North Pole, and dumped down among countless snow' drifts, I would dig my throbbing head into every one of them. I recollected that there would not be any of those confounded magazine ads up there to bother the polar bears either. That was the whole trouble. I had been fool enough to accept what sounded like a soft job-working on an advertising survey--3 and now my head buzzed with every slogan from 'kThe clean taste of Spud to All You Can Eat for 60c . But a bright thought suddenly struck me. XVhy of coursesl had forgotten I should count sheep. I tried hard, but it wouln't work bee cause I couldn't see any sheep to count. I was just going to give up, when to my delight a shaggy old man appeared. He looked like Santa Claus in summer underwear. Are you a sheep? I asked wearily, trying to count him. No, I am a shepherd. he droned. Then why all the wool on your face? He looked at me stupidlyg then ref plied, 'll am the man who has ceased to care. I no longer use Gillette razor blades. This disgusted me. Well, I'm supposed to count sheep, I protested. He did not heed meg but beckoned forward a wrinkled old hag, who looked so thin that I dimly wondered whether she had spent her life digesting clock' springs. I take Jad Salts, she croaked, If you do you can keep thin eating four square meals a day. Really? I groaned, trying to look interested. Have you a pink toothbrush? rasped the old dame. No I replied, What difference does it make? These old people bored me. I wondered vaguely how in thunder they had gained access to my room, If you haven't a pink tooth brush, she was crooning, you should write for Ipapa Toothpawste. They supply one wit every tu e. ' Say, I want to see some sheep, I bellowed. The old man gave a low whistle. Pre' sently a sheep trotted in, carrying a book. It stared at me, cow fashion, for a few moments, then said. Young man, do you blush, giggle, titter and feel foolish when you pour a cup of coffee down your hostess' back? Do your friends snigger, snivel and sneer? Send the coupon today. For the small price of one dollar, I will send you, absolutely free of charge, a little book that will make you popular overfnight. Be in a class by yourself, and learn to become a skilled dancer. I replied wearily that I was not in the habit of pouring coffee down peoples' backs. But the foolish thing insisted, Think, only fifteen minutes a day . . . popularity over night . . . They laughed when I sat down to the piano . . .I I suppose somebody had removed the stool, I ventured, The sheep looked at me as if it thought I was a bit denseg blushed modestly, and left. I got ready to countf'Two-Three-. A most pathetic sight met my tired eyes. Two lambs, one as thin as a toothpick, and the other so fat that it wobbled, were wheeled in in baby carriages. The poor little things were shaved right down to the skin, not an inch of wool left on their bodiesg and their bare pink and white flesh was shivering. The one res deeming feature was that each had a little towel around it. The thin one began in a singfsong voice, Brother be ye not confused. We are both the same sheepg my name is 'Before Virol' The other chimed in, And I am 'After

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MERCIAL COM RM FO T Below: FIRS ATRICULATION M RM FO T Above: FIRS

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Page 42 ACTA STUDENTIUM Virol' f I did not tax my weary brain by try' ing to figure out what relation they were to each other. Please leave meg I'm tired. Ibegged. No sooner had these pests gone than a similar one appeared. It, too, was a lamb, as nude as its predecessors, moreso in fact as it did not even have a towel around it. The poor little beast was riding a tricycle on top of a breadwagon. It looked horribly cold. It held up a sign with something written on it about the Sunshine Vitamins in Westons' Bread. How do you think I can count one sheep? I protested wearily. It very condescendingly wheeled off. I counted 'lFour'l. What slow busif ness, I thought. Then they began to come faster. About ten appeared, all decked out in earrings, fine dresses, and bobbed hair, Sheep look awfully silly with bobbed hair, and they were decorated with eye' brow pencil and rouge. I tried hard to count them, but my brain was reeling. Did Alice send you? I moaned. Alice Who? they echoed. L'Why Alice in Wonderland. One of the sheep, more prominent than her fellows, because her tail was marcelled, stepped forward. The rest lined up behind in single file. Said the owner of the stylish tail, We are the Mrs. IvanfOvelitch VanDundervunts Junior. I am Mrs. IvanfOvelitch Van' Dundervent junior I. She turned obout sharply, From the right-number. They purred Two . . Three . . Four . .M until it came to the last, number nine. She said, Baa-aa. The leader smiled apologetically and said, She can't speak English yet. She is, however, Mrs. Ivan' Ovelitch VanDundervunt Junior IX. Yes, yes, I replied, trying to be polite, Glad to know you. We are smart society sheep, conf tinued the chaperone Moreover, we all use Ponds. I am no ladies' man, especially when the ladies are sheep. It's very kind of you to have come, I sighed ungraciousf ly, but I want: to go to sleep. After curtseying ridiculously, and smiling like a lot of cows chewing Dentyne, elles prendrent leurs cognees. These silly, silly sheep wearied meg they made my head buzz more, and my eyes were scorchingly dry. I had not been celebrating-O, No-g it was all because of those blamed magazine ads. Well, I was just beginning to snooze when two more odious visitors arrived. their predecessors, they con' Like trasted with each other violently. One was as sembled thin as a carrot, the other ret- a squash. They were both in bathing suits. The thin one had pimples on its face. I had to laugh, you have no idea how funny a sheep covered with pimples looks in a bathing suit. The carrot variety one looked at me sourly and said, I do not take Ironized Yeast. The squash, smiling sweetly, broke in, I take Ironized Yeast. I was just going to say something dis- agreeable when a still more unusual sight met my haggard eyes. A big rain in a Grenadier's uniform pranced up to me. He was smoking a cigarette, and looked really happy. It was a relief to see himg the other sheep had been so stupid. He saluted jovially and began to speak in a deep, pleasant voice. Buckinghams are tihroatfeasy, sez I. said he. All too soon he saluted and left. No sooner had my soldierly friend departed, than a sheep of the hot flapper variety rushed in excitedly. Her cheeks and lips were painted a vivid red, and her hoofs were shined exquisitely. Which way did He go? she cried. Uh? I dunno. I grunted sleepily, which way had he gone anyway? Funny thing . . . but I just couldnt seem to recollect. Oh she sighed, umy lovely romance spoiled all on account of BO. Who is he? I asked, hoping dazedly to be able to avenge her wrong. Say you don't know the half of it, she replied. k'Here I've kept my school' girl complexion with Italian Balm, and used Cutex on my finger nails every day, and then . . . but even your friends won't tell you . . . It was all beyond me. I was nodding