Valparaiso University - Beacon / Record Yearbook (Valparaiso, IN)

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ON GIVING ADVICE BACCALAUREATE ADDRESS TO THE CLASS OF 1910 B. F. Williams Members of the Graduating Class of 1910, Ladies and Gentlemen: MAN and his son were once going with A their donkey to market. As they were walking along by its side a countryman passed them and said: MYou fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upontw So the man put the boy on the donkey and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, - one of whom said: HSee that lazy youngster. he lets his father walk while he rides.H So the man ordered his boy to get off and got on himself. But they hadnit gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: tiShaine on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge alongfi Well, the man didnt know what to do, but at last he took lis boy up before him on the donkey. By this time .they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said: HArenlt you ashamed of yourself for overloading. that poor donkey of yours you and your hulking sonti, The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought. till at last t1 ey cut down a pole, tied the donkeyis feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them till they came to Market Bridge, wl en tl e donkey. getting one of his feet loose. kicked out and caused the boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the donkey fell over the bridge, and lis fore feet being tied together he was drowned. The authorship of this sad and tragic, bit of fie- tion is popularly ascribed to a man named Aesop who lived in Greece a good while ago. Those patient plodding scholars who like to be exact tell 11s that very little is known about this Mr. Aesop. and some of them say that there is little probability that he had much if anything to do with the fables passing under his name, Isee little reason, however. for making a fuss about it, and so I shall assume that to Aesop belongs the honor. And since so little is known for sure about him, I am practically unhain- pered by facts and can say of him whatever I please. This Aesop, then, I take it, was a specialistahis specialty being tabloid morals for obtuse mortals. There is a tradition that he wrote for kings and dig- nitaries, but I am inclined to think that he wrote for the tplain peoplef whom American politicians so much admireEsinee there are so many of them and each one has a vote. Aesop apparently was no mys tic, but had a prosaic, sehoolmastensort of a mind with a redeeming touch of humor, and was bent above all on being understood. ' I have often regretted that Aesop hadn,t lived in England in the nineteenth century so that Robert Browning might have taken a course in composition and rhetoric under him, and I can even imagine a recommendation that he might have given Robert at the end of the course: To whom it may concern: This is to certify that Robert Browning has been under my instruction in composition and rhetoric for two terms, and he has made such rapid progress that not only is he able to distinguish between a syneedoche and a parabola, but also to write a line now and then the aesthetic and moral meaning of which is intellie gible even to himself. He is, in my opinion, especial- ly well qualified to teach in a Young La-diesi Semin- ary, or to give interpretative lectures to Literary Clubs, and I feel confident that no mistake would be made in choosing him for such a position. Very sin- cerely yours, Aesop. Well, this Aesop was unwilling to take any chances even on the wayfaring 1112111780 he always carefully explained what his fables were meant to teach. For example the story I read to you has a moral coda appended which is to this effect: Try to please everybody and you will please nobodyenot to mention the loss of donkeys and things. But what Aesop didnt see. what the average moralist usually doesnt see, was the inconsistency in his own little preaehment. If I were to offer a prize of three pack- ages of Grape-nuts, the modern brain-food, to every one in this audience who could point out the incon- sistency, 1,111 afraid an extra force of workmen would have to be imported into Battle Creek. How- ever. as I also wish to be understood, I. too, will take no eh anees and will say that Aesop was advising peo- ple not to take advice, which fact renders the moral null, void and of no effect. For if they were not to take advice, then they wouldnt take his advice not to take advice,-whieh statement ought to be as dear as one of Aesopis own morals. Now while I am speaking in this thoroughly transparent fashion-in which I swear I use no art at allel ought to an- nounce my theme. so far at least as I may choose to stick to a theme. and it is this: HOn Giving AdvieeW It appears to me that this ought to be a very; appropriate subject. for a baccalaureate address. yet strange as it may appear I do not remember ever to have heard or read one on this topic. Appropriatee for the chief ingredient of most baccalaureate sera moms and addresses is certainly advice; the rest is only flavoring extract and effervescent fluid. Or if not appropriate, then at least it ought to be permis- sible for one such address to consider for a little. while the substance of which many of the others are composed. It. used to be customary at graduation time to

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chased a Van Buskirk cigar. Quite by accident I met my old friend, Congressman J. W. Sprowls. He told me that owing to his knowledge of Parliament- ary Law he had no difficulty, while speaker of the house, in deciding all disputed points. Together we attended the meeting of the American Educational Society. There we listened to addresses by such emi- nent scholars as Miss Gilmore, Professor of Phy- siology at Valparaiso, and Professor Amelia 0. Fisher, German at the same place. Professor Carl LaRue, Ph. D., of Chicago U. spoke on HThe New Religion7, and promised to speak on the Present, Past, or any other kind of religion the next time he got a chance. G. M. Clendenning, holding the chair of Botany at Cornell, followed him. Mr. and Mrs. S. A. Hoffman, noted educators of Chicago, were pres- ent. After noting on the program that famous chem- ist, J aeob Papish, would lecture about his new theory of matter, we departed. Going out we met Ione Borden successor to Miss Carver at Valparaiso, and Professor of Literature, Miss Elsie Mead 0f VVelles- ley. Barely had we reached the street when our at- tention was attracted by a procession carrying ban- ners with these inscriptions, HVotes for VVomenft HWe want our Rights, etc. I was flattered by the greeting I received from Miss Graham, and Miss Slusser the leaders, and following their example, the banner bearers, Laura Milburn, Ora Callaway, and Delia Morris did likewise. Miss Quinnell assured me that Joan of Are believed in VVomen7s Rights, and Miss Anna Kloekow wished to deliver a speech in German advocating them. As the procession passed by Miss Donnelly, who was standing near, invited us to hear a lecture delivered by Miss Lelia Budd. Hearing that it was a temperance lecture my friend Sprowls refused to go, so I must needs go alone. On my way I passed a ttStone it yard and saw the world7s greatest sculptor, Calvin P. at work on a statue of Doctor Lester K. Strait in memory of his invention of a hair tonic warranted to grow hair on the chin. Needing a button on my coat I entered a shop which above the door said ttTaylortl but when she saw it was lead, Lenora sent me next door to see the ttPlummerY, While there, I heard distinctly these words, HWhat has this got to do with the Church and State in England. Well it has got this to do.77 I looked around and saw Klin'ias reviewing a Scientific oration to be delivered as a toast that night at a banquet held in honor of Mr. Lonsway, a high dignitary of the Mormon Church, who had just arrived from Utah with several of his wives. Mr. Klimas wished me to vote for the Soeialistie ticket at the next election, declaring that their line up was not any worse than any other. As near as I could I obtained it. It was as follows: Matthias J. Fredd, Mayor. Charles F. Erwin, Comptroller. Adam Dambrauekas, tity Treasurer. Casimer J. Mikolaitis, Sam Jurow, Charles Vidi- kas, Aldermen. Stasys Szafrounaekas had been proposed for some office but unfortunately the gentleman making the nomination speech, Mr. Walter Bell, had developed a severe attack of loekjaw and so his name was With- drawn. Dismayed by the horrible fate of Mr. Bell, I beat a hasty retreat. Soon I was attracted by the peculiar antics of a group of people down the street who were making sundry sudden gestures with their hands. Drawing nearer I recognized among the crowd Messrs. MeCrum, Lucas, Harry Miller, and Ir Ving; LaRue, and Misses Mary Strait, Ida Reekten- wall, and Moorman, working under the direction of Scott Knoll. I learned that he was now conducting a school of fly catching, an art which he became adept in at Valparaiso. his pupils were now out doing field work. Collaring the instructor I preserved many flies 7 lives, while I chatted with him of old times. He invited me to dinner with him7 telling me that J esse W. Ault and his wife Alyce lived in that neighbor- hood, and that I should also meet Mr. and Mrs. John- son, formerly a Miss Steunkel. I declined as I had already accepted an invitation of Mr. Robert Pfan- stiel to dine and meet his wife known to me at school as Miss Harmon. I said good-bye to Knoll and entered the tiWhite Crow Laundryt, conducted by Clarence Quick, ttShirts cleaned and delivered while you waitY, There I picked up a magazine, tI was waiting, you seey and read a famous poem by Miss Mae Chauncey and glanced at an article by Mattie Baird, the noted Mathematician, on The Fourth Dimension In the mWhois Who and 'Why,7 column, I found men- tioned G. G. 'Winter, Governor of Ohio, and J. G. Fer- guson, one of the greatest lecturers on the Chautau- qua platform. I was interested by a treatise written by Myra E. Jones on Halley7s Comet7 and an adver- tisement of how to learn Latin seans'ion by corre- spondence, address R. R. Bell. Having only a few minutes before supper, I Visited the large W. A. McKnight Chemical Manu- facturing Co. Mr. McKnight introdued me to his private secretary, Lena F. Take, and calling his office boy, A. L. Asheraft, he directed him to show me about his works. I met and spoke to H. L. Hess and then was introduced to' the head chemist, Otto E. . Linderman, B. 8., of Valpo, Ch. E. of Boston NTech.H Mr. Linderman spoke a few words to his assistant, a tall, lean, black haired man, and then remained talk- ing to us. Something in the assistants bearing seemed familiar, and I wished he might turn around that I might see his face. My wishes were about to be gratified when, due to his carelessness, something went wrong with the apparatus. We ran for our lives and as the report of the explosion died away, I saw where the assistant stood a pair of enormously large feet, and then I knew. A voice thundered. HWoe be unto them on that day who have accused the prophets of e-Y, I opened my eyes and found myself gazing into two blue eyes through two pairs of spectacles while a gruE but kindly road said, ttO, Ah-h. He,s all right but it was a narrow escape.

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pick out the brightest pupil of the class and have him stand and deliver a hortatory valedietory winding up with gLet us then be up and doingK or words to that effect. As I recall these valedietories CI never. gave one myselfl, they ran something like this: HWe should all have high ideals. Where would XVashing- ton have been without high ideals? Where would Lincoln havebeen without high ideals? Therefore, let us all have high idealsfi Valedictories in lzzie years,hmvevenhave said their vales, and their return is little more desired than would be an encore of tie Fourth of July. I 15nd myself at this time. altlioz'gh fully appreciative of the courtesy of this Class in asking me to speak to them and to you, alnutst wit:- ing that baccalaureate addresses might pass into a siiniliar desuetude. I may note, though, this distinction lGl'xZOOn valedietories and baeealauretories. The valeiieter- ian in all his pride had, nevertheless, to assrine a modest and becoming equality, and say: Let us. The baccalaureate speaker, on the contrary, is not subject to the same limiting conditions, but may speak authoritatively, and say: Do this; shun tltat. Although perehanee a flat failure himself, none the less he is supposed to be, at least apparently sup; poses himself to be, capable of giving safe and sound exhortation to tens or hundreds of young persons of various temperaments, capabilities and ideals. If an occasion of this kind were not naturally solemn, one would be tempted to say that this is a big, hoaxy joke. I have wondered sometimes what the effect would be if a baccalaureate speaker were honestly to say: Young people, I do not know enough about anything, least of all about you, to give you anyi sensible advice, so I believe I711 just talk about other things. To be sure, in more recent years there has been less direct advice to members of a graduating class, and now the tendency is toward pointing out to the Nation its pitfalls and pet follies. Ilin not at all sure, though, that the Nation listens very attentively or pays any heed to this gratuitous admonition. When I think of the thousands of such addresses given yearly in Grammar Schools, High Schools, Colleges and Universities, I cant help thinking of blank cartridges, those noisy things whose only Vir- tue is comparative harmlessness. I have read a good many of these recent addresses in whole or in part. and I note a generally pessimistic tone in many of; them. Summarized, they amount to about this: The Country is in a bad way; it has been leading a riot- ous, prodigal life. until not only is its voice husky. but it has really lost its pristine health and Vigor as well as the moral tone of earlier years. It has moral and physical diabetes, sarcoma, appendicitis, gall- stones and gout. It must diet religiously for a time. and then submit to the surgeonis knife. Well, this is an old tune. Jeremiah and Isaiah sang it. Cicero industriously tive-iingered it, and in modern times it has been the favorite solo number of Carlyle, Ruskin and Tolstoy. Naturally it is in the minor key, and makes liberal use of diseords. A young man is buoyant, hopeful, idealistic; so is a young nation; a niicldleeaged man is thoughtful, prac- tical, prosaic; so is a iniddle-aged nation; an old man tends toward pessimism. distrust, inelaneolia; so does an old nation. But America is not an old nation, and just as we dislike to hear a young man or a man of niiddle-age always speaking as if he were an oetogen- arian, so this pessimistic outlook in America seems premature. Change is not necessarily deterioration, but rather is the law of life; and the spirit of honor- did not die with Jefferson and Lincoln. These later addresses generally close with a little well-meant flattery to the graduating classes, telling them that though the country has lost its savor, it is through them, the salt of the earth, that the savor may be restored. This doubtless does little. harm; and anyhow one is entitled to feel proud and important on two occasions of his life: namely, on graduation and e on one other occasion. So far, too, as I am able to discover, this feeling of importance is usually ephemeral, and it is therefore only fair that one should not be cheated out of his rightful inheri- tanee. Nevertheless, when we stop to think of this mat- ter of giving advice in allopathie allotments, we can- not help noticing seine amusing inconsistencies and ineongruities. In the first place, a man in giving ad- Viee must speak either as a superior to inferiors, or from the standpoint of admitted failure. In the one ease, he impliedly says: See in me the benefieent re- sults of living according to the principles which I now urge upon you. I have fought the good fight; go thou, and do likewise. This attitude involves a naive, unconscious, Rooseveltian egoism the humor of which repays the one who takes the trouble to think about it. ttThere is nothingf says Addison. Hwhieh we receive with so much reluctance as ad- Viee. XVe look upon the man who gives it as offering an affront to our understanding, and treating us like children or idiots. We consider the instruction as an implicit censure, and the zeal which any one shows for our good on sueh an occasion, as a pieee of pre- sumption or iinpertinenee. The truth of it is, the person who pretends to advise, does, in that particu- lar, exercise a superiority over us. and can have no other reason for it, but that, in comparing us with himself. he thinks us defective either in our eonduet or our eharaeterY, In similar vein are Thoreauis Clever, eaustie words in Walden: ltIf I knew for a eertainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my lifeW In the other ease, he will practically say: My life has been an ignominious failure. I was indiffer- ent in youth to education, and always I have been a shiftless spendthrift. careless of my money, my time, my reputation, my character. Look at me as a hora rible example. and profit by my experience. Be stud- ious, economical. industrious, deeorous and'you will have your reward, as I have had mine; As to this